Hey SereneWolf,

I always admire the way you’re able to find something positive no matter the situation. And how far along you came battling with your health anxiety. It’s not easy I know but nonetheless you’re doing well.

Thanks, I am trying my best. In the past year or so I’ve started becoming aware of the layers of fear that I grew up with, out of which health anxiety is just one manifestation. So I am looking at fear, feeling it in my body, and trying to separate myself from it (so that it doesn’t take me over me completely). It’s not easy, but I’ve made some progress…. and there is still a lot of work in front of me.

and since you mentioned the “Hack” have you ever tried Ayurvedic medicine or therapy? Sometimes it works wonders

No, I haven’t. Not sure it would work for spine problems though?

I think you’re on point about the inner child need. It’s so funny but let me tell you anyways just the other night I had this need to someone to like baby me. Like I wanted to be taken care of so badly. I was like why I care too much? Can’t I have that?

I think it’s actually normal – that longing to be cared for, caressed, and just be loved for who you are, without any expectations on you. Because we as babies shouldn’t do anything to deserve love – we should just be ourselves, and our parents should shower us with love, care, nurturance, enjoying spending times with us, cooing to us, caressing us, playing with us, playing peekaboo and all the other fun stuff.

We all need parents who are completely into us, who adore us and who see us as special and amazing. That’s how our self-worth develops – not by achieving things, but just by being loved and adored as babies and toddlers.

So perhaps you want some of that feeling of being cuddled and loved just because someone really enjoys your presence? (just like our parents should have enjoyed our presence, but with many parents it unfortunately wasn’t the case).

Hmm I see, and when you say Love and appreciation. What do you mean by that? Romantic love now? Can you elaborate?

Actually, by appreciation I meant what I described above: enjoying our presence, being happy to have us around, seeing us as special, appreciating having us in their life. What we should get from our parents as children. Basically giving us the message: “I am happy to have you in my life”.

I’m kinda enjoying talking with her though. Like sometimes I’m literally waiting for her texts. I don’t like this feeling. I don’t want to get attached to her. She’s alright but just no.

How do you feel with her? If you feel lightness (as in not being criticized by her, not needing to behave in a certain way so she wouldn’t be offended, the ability to just be yourself without needing to present yourself in a certain way), that’s a good sign.

Also, if you can let go of the need to change her, e.g. to judge her for her smoking, or for her “being on the verge of anger”, or for any other behavior. If you would be embarrassed to introduce her to your parents, for example, that’s not a good sign. It means there is something that bothers us about the person’s behavior, and we can’t accept them as they are but would like to change them.

and I’m not sure if I’m just doing that out of loneliness. Because I don’t think I’m feeling lonely or is it entirely something else

Well, you did say you want someone to baby you. So I guess you do long for that intimacy and closeness (physical and emotional) with someone. So this might increase your interest in her…

Yeah I’ll try that. Also like I said the feeling of time passing too fast, It goes away when we try to do something new or like feel something new or different

You mean you feel like you are not wasting your time if you are dating and meeting new people? Perhaps you feel the pressure of settling down and starting a family, which is another expectation on yourself? (and it is actually coming from the outside, i.e. your own parents and family)?

I know right!? They see it as light joke. That’s the problem. And no my sister wasn’t disturbed because they all think they’re just kids.

Yeah, that’s unfortunate because that’s when we are the most vulnerable and impressionable – as children. Believing that it doesn’t matter because they are children is exactly the opposite of truth.

You already know how much of my anger is just buried. But yeah next time I’ll try to do that

I don’t know, you might want to tell your sister that children are super sensitive, so teachers, doctors, coaches and other authority figures (as well as parents, of course) should be careful not to say hurtful things and humiliate them, specially in front of their peers, because those are the kinds of wounds that stay forever…