Hi Jana

Karma is a vast and complex subject and as i am a bear of very little brain. I can only remember snippets of this topic in a general and simplified way. As all beings have had countless lives, we all have been each others parents at one time or another. Over our lives we have been & done a lot of things both skillful & unskilful ie tinker tailor soldier sailor richman poorman beggar man thief.

When certain conditions are met then kamic seeds ripen . Look at a tree, we know it needs light, water & nutrients, but I could not tell you which beam of sunlight, which drop of rain and which particular nutrient caused a particular leaf to appear. I am not a buddha!

In life sh!t happens it is how we respond that matters. Living life intentionally, serving others ( even if it just giving a stranger a smile). I can’t change the karma that I created in the past lives but I can be aware of what I am creating now. Acknowledging & then rectifying unskillfulness also dedicating the merit of any skillful actions done by me for the benefit of all sentient beings.

I once had a fancyfull notion about one of my ex’s that we were strongly connected in the past – he loved me but he was a priest and i was a wise woman (witch) & he denounced me & I was burnt at the stake! Years later I was in a church (not with him) in France & I got a feeling that was  where it happened- I couldn’t get out of there quick enough. It was probably a book I read or a film that I have watched that fed my very vivid imagination. What counts is how we treat each other in real life.

Hi Jana

There is an interesting piece of writing called View of Interpersonal Karma in the Journal of Global Buddhism on the subject. I’m not sure if you’ve read it?

It is a complicated subject, so I can really only give a small fragment of an opinion because I don’t want to detract from your sharing of your beautiful loving relationship. It really is very sweet that you both have such a special connection.

The way that I think about life is that it is a continuous learning experience. Different people come into our lives to teach us different things.

I don’t think that bad experiences are necessarily cut and dry as bad karma. The way I see things, bad things can set life on a unique path in which good things can later follow (sometimes years later). I have had some very difficult experiences, but without them I would never have met my husband or given birth to my son.

Another common theme in Buddhism I’m sure you’ve heard of before is overcoming attachment which can cause suffering. I believe that we borrow each other. We don’t know how things will turn out. We could lose our loved ones tomorrow, so it is important to tell them that you love them. If that makes sense at all?

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear Jana:

In reference to what I wrote here: “Each one of us is a wave in the ocean, connected, but many don’t feel the connection. many are not aware of the connection. I wasn’t until recently“, you responded:

“That is very nice and encouraging.. because you are a kind person with a good heart and deep understanding. However, you know that there are people who turned to the wrong path and they hurt other people, animals.. And I still have troubles to accept the connection with them, which you describe (above)”- I am glad you brought this up because it gives me an opportunity to explain: I do not feel a warm connection to bad people such as rapists, child molesters, human traffickers, terrorists and world leaders responsible for the deaths of millions of people. I can feel a warm connection to them only as the babies and young children that they were before they became bad people. I feel connected to them only in the sense that they are waves (unfortunately, some are huge waves) in the ocean where I am also a wave.

I do not feel empathy for bad people like the above groups I mentioned, and I am all about strictly removing them from access to potential victims.

“But I know that there’s this ‘evil seed’ in me, too“- yes, there is a bad seed in me too, and it has expressed itself many times, not in the ways I mentioned above, but in ways I most regret, ways that harmed good people. I would do anything to go back in time and correct my ways, if I only could.

“I just didn’t decide to water it“- behaviors I most regret, a particular one event, it was not a cold-hearted behavior, one that followed a decision to water a bad seed. I was swept away with emotion, and before I knew it, it was said and done. A person has to have a level of self-awareness and emotion regulation to decide what seed to water and follow through with the decision.

“I believe that there is the ‘good seed’ in them, as well. But it is not in my power to awaken this good part of them, to let them see and take care of the goodness. I don’t know how to awaken compassion in others“- I think (and wish it wasn’t so) that some people have crossed the line and the good seed is forever buried within them. Too deeply buried to awaken. In most people (I hope that it’s most), dormant good seeds can be awakened.

“as it seems to me that if I am myself, I am good and compassionate, it is interpreted as a weakness by these people (it is connected to my previous thread about fear of people)“-  it is interpreted as weakness-to-be-exploited by people whose motivation is not to have compassion for you, but to have power over you for their advantage (to your disadvantage)

“May I ask you about your relationship with your mom today? Have you found peace with each other? Or have you separated and you heal her and yourself from distance? (I am very sorry if it is too personal and you do not have to answer if you don’t want to.)“- thank you for your sensitivity. I read this morning your recent reply in another thread where you shared about your mother disapproving of your choice to not have children, and reads to me that her disapproval bothers you a lot, understandably. And I understand that your relationship with your mother is ongoing. Seems to me that if I was in your place, I too would continue my relationship with her.

Problem is in regard to my mother is that My Pain was Her Pleasure. She literally enjoyed throwing verbal (and physical) punches at me (extensive, prolonged and repeated shaming/ humiliating sessions) and then watching me with a mild and yet tangible joy, a mild smile, corners of her mouth turned slightly upward, excitedly anticipating to see the pain on my face. This was true when I was a girls, and this was true last time I saw her.

No, I have no relationship with her. Her old verbal punches still follow me. My body is still reacting to those (ongoing tics, ongoing bodily tension). I don’t need new punches.

anita

Thank you for the reply, Jana, and for the link.

Good to read that you and your mother respect each other. Also, good to read about your solid relationship with your boyfriend!

“Although I realize it’s very hard to feel compassion for really bad people, I personally believe it’s something to strive for… to get more of those nice waves in the ocean… you know“- imagine a deer feeling compassion for the mountain lion approaching it. Imagine the deer thinking: poor mountain lion, he is hungry. I must help him satisfy his hunger..!

anita

Good thing, Jana: compassion is not self-sacrifice.

anita