I (42f) was dating a guy (46m) for almost 2 years. I guess it was a situationship as we were never official. We did have a deep connection and regularly said “I love you” and shared vulnerability and were open with each other. At one point we were moving toward a real relationship and a future together. However, when I met him he had just been separated from his ex wife and was going through the divorce process. He has established 50/50 custody of their now 8 year old twin boys. However, the divorce has been going on for a few years now and is now in its most critical, high conflict phase, as all settlement offers have failed and they are heading toward trial this fall. He is trying to keep his house and I’m sure is bleeding money right now with lawyers, etc. He was pulling away from me a bit but was maintaining contact and the last time I saw him (about 3 months ago now) he was very sweet and loving, very attentive, and when I remarked on it, he said “I care about you.” Well a little over 3 weeks ago now I was drunk and upset and unfortunately sent a mean text to him saying I felt “used” and asking for a basic feeling of love and care from him. I regret that text, it was selfish, and I know it landed at the worse possible moment (I didn’t know that a mandatory settlement conference has just failed and he was headed to trial with his ex, which must have been a blow. But I knew he was struggling.) 2 hours after my regrettable text he replied tense and frustrated, saying I didn’t have patience for him and “sorry you feel that way”. After that he shut down and has been completely silent for 24 days now. I have made multiple attempts to reach out and sent follow up texts apologizing for my bad behavior, telling him I love him and support him, and finally that I would step away and give him time and space to do what he needs to. No response from him.

He has pulled away before due to stresses outside the relationship (divorce or work or kids) or when I came on too heavy. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and I suspect he has a fearful avoidant attachment style (I lean more anxious) and our relationship has had an occasional push and pull dynamic throughout. However, he seems completely deactivated right now and has shut me out.

My question is, has anyone experienced something similar to this? Did your partner reach out again after pulling away so suddenly for so long? I am not going to try to reach out to him again, I have tried and said all there is to be said. I am attempting to move on with my life, I go out with friends and even went on a date a few nights ago. But I miss him so much and the guilt is tremendous.

And please don’t judge me for dating a separated man, the marriage was over before I came into the picture; it’s just the legal aspect that keeps dragging on. The marriage was abusive on her end (I didn’t take his word for it, I confirmed this. The last time I saw him in person was the first time he strung together the sentence, “I was in an abusive marriage.”)

Thank you in advance.