Hello Robin 🙂

I hear how emotionally attached you are to him, how much you regret the text you sent him 3 weeks ago, and how much you wish he’d reach out to you

First, no judgment for you dating a separated man. After all, he was separated and all that remained of that marriage was the legal stuff involving 2 children and money.

Second, the text you sent him was human, not abusive. His difficult life was not his alone. It was yours too because you’ve been in love with him. No wonder you had feelings about it all- and with alcohol, they just surfaced.

Even if I had a very similar experience to yours, my experience (nor anyone’s) could predict whether he’d reach out to you, or not.

That his marriage was abusive, that is, his wife abused him while together and while separated, means that he can’t handle much more than he’s already handling

Maybe if his life gets easier, he’ll reach put to you. Maybe it’s all too much for him right now and he went to a power- saving- mode: minimal extra complications.

It wasn’t your job to minimize yourself so to not add any distress to his mind and heart.

Please tell me your thoughts, your feelings about what I wrote here, or about anything at all that crosses your mind.

✨️ 🌿 ✨️ Anita

Wow, Robin! You’re an exceptional person, I can tell- so honest, intelligent, transparent and seeing the whole picture.

“He may even mean no harm and may intend to bring me down from the shelf where he has temporarily placed me, in time.”-

That sounds painful, to be placed on a shelf 😔

“I’m certain our connection was real”- it does sound real. Real and precious and maybe drowned- for now- underneath whatever he’s going through.

It’s close to 11 pm here and I’m not very focused. I would like to reply further in the morning. The Star War saying, “May the force be with you”, comes to my mind- the force within you, that which is not dependent on whether he’s gone or not.

Back in the morning.

Anita

Good morning, Robin 🙂

I’ve been sitting with the words you shared this morning — the repeated reaching out, the silence that followed, the way he pulled away before, and how much empathy you still have for him even while feeling ignored and confused. When I look at your descriptions, what I notice is a pattern where he tends to withdraw when things become emotionally heavy or close.

It makes sense that his silence feels so painful. You cared deeply, you tried to repair things, and you were left without any response at all. Anyone in your position would feel unsteady. And it’s also understandable that you’re wondering what this says about his capacity — whether he has the emotional space or bandwidth to stay present when things get hard (even if he reconnects with you).

Only you can decide what this means for you and what you want going forward. But from the outside, it’s clear that you’ve been carrying the emotional weight of the relationship for a long time, and that his way of managing stress leaves you in a kind of limbo that hurts. You deserve steadiness, responsiveness, and a partner who can stay in the conversation with you, even when things are difficult.

I’m here with you as you sort through what feels true for you, at your own pace.

🌿 Anita

Robin,

Relationships are a messy area to understand. A man meets a woman who they believe they can build a life with. Then, after some time, the woman (80% of the time) initiate divorce. It isn’t a simple split. Too many feelings involved. Then the life the man imagined gets torn apart. Loses half of everything. Gets the kids take away from him. And then must also pay for this lost of the kids by paying for child support. Then don’t know about alimony. So, instead of a wonderful life together. It all becomes a shamble. This is the reality men face.

So, when a man meets another woman in the midst of such a divorce, would there be a fear of this happening again? Would any red flags arise to deter the new relationship from going smoothly? Would it remind him that he could face another turmoil with this other woman? I don’t know. But, once burnt, it might make one more cautious.

So, it was a serious relationship? But, he shut down? You sent apology texts? Sounds like you left the ball in his court. I have no advice. No words of wisdom. The only thing I know is that the more time spent apart makes for the heart to grow fonder of the time spent together. And after more time apart, things change and life goes on. Less and less time spent on thinking of the past. The heart rebuilds its shields. I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Remember that another person will not make you happy. You must first be happy with yourself. Then another person who comes into your life will compliment your life and not rule it. Good luck.

Tommmy168

Note: This is only my point of view. Please disregard if you don’t like the words here.