Dear Devesh

I hear suffering & the wanting in your post, there are probably several billion people, thinking, feeling & doing the same as you right now & yet it feels that you alone are going thru it.
Like you said you have family & financial commitments, so what changes can you make? You have already realised for your self that some of the things you do to relieve the boredom etc only bring short term relief.
I Have never lived/worked in a city, but when I visit them, I find the amount of buildings claustrophobic, the sheer amount of people in one place, triggers stress, the harsh loud manmade noises jar I could go on & on. How I cope when I have to visit, is by finding quiet green spaces even if it is a small graveyard. I find my people, fellow meditators even if it is a different style to what I am used to. these two things are not financially burdensome & are a good use of any spare time.

It also sounds like you are starting the process of life review/reevaluation, which is no bad thing. What helped me to start was to sit with pen & paper and ask myself “How do I want to live my life?” & just let the thoughts, ideas feelings flow without judgement. Afterwards go for a calming walk then reread and ask your self quietly to each bit “is that true” or “why” so that you can see/feel how each statement truly sits with you. An example would be “I want to make lots of money” reflection “I need x amount a year to support my family ” or your answer might be ” I want a flashy car so that women will be impressed” This may bring you some clarity about your goals & core values. Then you can look at ways to bring them in alignment with each other.

Although the project you are working on is not as exciting as it once was, can you view it differently, ie this project will help other people to…… or i will work diligently rather than begrudgingly so to be of help to my coworkers.

I hope that this will help to uplift your spirits
Roberta