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Realizing the ways my recent ex hurt me–how do I avoid growing resentment?

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  • August 13, 2026 at 10:45 am #460312
    Mitch
    Participant

    When I broke up with my partner of 13 months, I did so because I believed I was preventing them from growing into a happy life. We were freshmen in college, and I believed I was causing them to be unhappy. “If you love them, let them go” type of situation.

    However, in the months following the breakup, I’ve begun to realize that the sinking feeling I had about our relationship wasn’t just because I was hurting them–they had hurt me, too. I realize now that they didn’t show care, and that they made me feel stuck. The relationship was very one-sided in a lot of ways, too–we watched their shows, listened to their music in the car… respected their boundaries while oftentimes ignoring mine or making me feel bad for setting them in the first place… Realizing this now, I fail to see how I can trust someone to really love and care for me through their actions, and I’m starting to blame my ex for causing me to be so scarred. I still feel stuck, even though it’s over.

    I have tried to forgive them, internally, but this feeling of resentment keeps bubbling up. How can I make it go away so I can find inner peace about the whole situation?

    August 13, 2026 at 11:45 am #460318
    anita
    Participant

    Hi Mitch:

    It makes sense that you’re feeling stuck and resentful now. When you were in the relationship, it sounds like you kept putting your partner’s needs first and pushing your own to the side — their shows, their music, their boundaries.

    That kind of self‑sacrifice can feel normal in the moment, but afterward your body realizes how much you gave up, and that’s where the resentment comes from. It isn’t just about forgiving your ex; it’s about noticing the places where you abandoned your own needs to keep the relationship going.

    Sometimes the real healing starts when you ask yourself: Where did I stop listening to myself? What did I need that I didn’t allow myself to ask for? Once you start reconnecting with those parts of you, the resentment usually begins to fade, because you’re finally giving yourself the care you didn’t get back then.

    I wonder if some of the resentment you’re feeling is actually your own voice coming back online, saying: “I mattered too.”

    If any of this resonates with you, feel free to share more. I’m here to listen.

    Anita

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