When I broke up with my partner of 13 months, I did so because I believed I was preventing them from growing into a happy life. We were freshmen in college, and I believed I was causing them to be unhappy. “If you love them, let them go” type of situation.

However, in the months following the breakup, I’ve begun to realize that the sinking feeling I had about our relationship wasn’t just because I was hurting them–they had hurt me, too. I realize now that they didn’t show care, and that they made me feel stuck. The relationship was very one-sided in a lot of ways, too–we watched their shows, listened to their music in the car… respected their boundaries while oftentimes ignoring mine or making me feel bad for setting them in the first place… Realizing this now, I fail to see how I can trust someone to really love and care for me through their actions, and I’m starting to blame my ex for causing me to be so scarred. I still feel stuck, even though it’s over.

I have tried to forgive them, internally, but this feeling of resentment keeps bubbling up. How can I make it go away so I can find inner peace about the whole situation?