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Loss of hope

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  • May 30, 2014 at 2:54 am #57697
    Tinyzebra
    Participant

    Hi All

    I’m struggling a bit today with what I can only describe as a loss of hope. I have posted on here about my recent “break up” which was with someone who was never 100% committed to me and it ended after 6 months. He has said that he wanted to keep me in his life, but wasn’t able to believe in love any more or take steps towards a future (he’s divorced too), and this was incompatible with what i wanted so it ended. I haven’t heard from him since, which hurts more than words can say.

    I previously had a 10 year marriage and another (3 year) realtionship which ended badly. So I feel like i have been here before, many times, and as such I am reliving old traumas constantly. It is a funny thing, because this latest ‘relationship’ never really got off the ground. We didn’t see each other very often, but I saw such potential and had such hope that it would lead somewhere, that I maybe was decieving myself. I was in fact incredibly anxious the entire time, because I knew from the start he wasn’t quite ‘there’. But I decided to try with him, and I was honest and brave, and did what I needed to do. And I now feel, unfortunately, that I am being punished. Because I am here again, struggling with a loss that I don’t understand. And he is (it appears) so disinterested in how I am doing that he hasn’t even asked if I am OK. I just want to know that I mattered, that I wasn’t used. I wanted to be more than a confidence boost, I wanted what everyone else seems to find so easy: a loving relationship.

    Every day this hurts, and its not really missing this person (although that is a part of it) its really missing what might have been. Does that make any sense? I read so much online about these situations and no contact and all that, but what i want to do is contact him to see if he is OK. Yet I don’t even merit the same from him? I veer between angry, disapointed, hurt, used, sad for him, sad for me, like the universe is against me. I feel that by saying he doesn’t believe in love anymore, that he’s made me think that way too. I have completely lost myself, and I am so sad. I just cry all the time. I’m so tired of living in the past, of feeling mired in this ache. I feel like he’s taken away my hope. How can I get my faith and hope back?

    May 30, 2014 at 5:05 am #57701
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi TinyZebra,

    Instead of thinking that the Universe is against you, why not try thinking that the Universe is on your side so much that it won’t let someone who’s “Not There” have you! Pretend the Universe is your best friend, your champion, your strongest supporter.

    Flip the script on your relationships. You were lucky in love two or three times (even if only in the beginning). They ended (or ended badly) because you are gearing up for the One Great Love. You manifested love before? You will manifest love again (only better and longer lasting!)

    And think of this: Scientists (and mystics!) say that Time is One. Everything is actually happening all at once on some mathematical (or mystical!) level. So your Great Love is already here. Believe it! Act it! *Be happy anyway!*

    Think of this last guy as picking up on the Energy that you belong to someone else. (You do, you just haven’t met him yet!) Think of it that way.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by Inky.
    May 30, 2014 at 5:15 am #57703
    Big blue
    Participant

    Hi Tinyzebra,

    I’ve had similar experiences and found it very difficult. It takes a while to work through this. There is the actual other person, and to some degree there is the attachment part. You can do your best you can do it all but the other person has to care and commit, and sometimes that does not happen no matter how much we want it or need it or work at it. Letting go of the person and the idea of the relationship are hard to do, but it is possible.

    It helps to focus on yourself, your values, your interests, your life. Reframe the situation in the context of your life in the big world. Think big, forward thoughts. Read inspiring authors. Get out and be with strong, positive people. Take on some new challenges. Be kind and compassionate with yourself. In other words live your life.

    Big blue

    May 31, 2014 at 6:48 pm #57797
    BenzRabbit
    Participant

    Hi TZ,

    I feel your pain !

    Please know everything happens for a reason and the Universe probably saved you from a worse situation happening down the road.

    I pray someone better comes along for you soon !

    Listen to this song by Josh Groban called Don’t Give Up – it gave me hope when I had none. Here is the youtube link:

    GOD bless !

    May 31, 2014 at 8:52 pm #57799
    MayraLuna
    Participant

    TZ,

    My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry that you’re feeling this way. I promise if you are mindful and thoughtful about making yourself your top priority, and accepting better for yourself, you will get better. You are going to have to shift your mentality. You’re going to have to believe that you will heal from this and that you will find what you are seeking. It may not be this guy, but it will be someone who you know is worthwhile and makes you feel as special as you are. I was feeling absolutely terrible just a week ago. I was feeling so low that I wrote a thread on here and felt so embarrassed that I asked them to take it down because I couldn’t bear reading how low I felt. Instead, I decided I had to just purge all of this, purge this heartache, and let it out of my system. I’ve been reaching out now to friends, whom know me to be a very private person, and I’ve been honest and open about my situation. I have not been this honest and open in a long time. It has been very helpful and healing for me. I still have not had contact with the person I was involved with. And that is okay. He hasn’t reached out to me, and I a okay with that. I have accepted that I am moving on with my life. I have increased my prayer & meditation time. Meditation helps so much. I know it’s extremely difficult to believe that you’ll get over this hurdle, but it is possible! You just really have to push yourself through the pain. While I believe it is fine to wallow and feel your pain, it is also very unhealthy to stay there. You have to be proactive and trust yourself that you have the strength within you to heal and move forward. I am right there with you girl! You will get through this.

    Wishing you lots of LIGHT, LOVE, & PEACE.

    Keep us updated.

    Namaste. <3

    June 6, 2014 at 9:54 am #58250
    Tinyzebra
    Participant

    I can’t thank you enough for these awesome replies, I really mean it, I’m so touched and it helps a lot to have your input. I have in fact printed out these responses, and read them over and over, its so amazing. What has shifted as a result is that I now know and feel that this is just something I have to go through rather than battling it and wanting it to change. I mean, I still want the situation to change, in that I want him to make contact with me, but I don’t feel quite so hopeless. I accept that I will feel sad probably for a while. I accept that this isn’t the situation I wanted. And I am trying, really trying, to accept that I am in control of my thoughts and as you pointed out @Inky this could be the universe’s way of steering me from one path to one that may bring more happiness in the longer term. I really hope that turns out to be true.

    I still feel tearful and sad, though, which I suppose is OK, and as time goes on its getting a bit less and less. And you are all helping me with that, so thankyou.

    Someone advised me to make a list of silver linings of this situation though and that really stumped me, I couldn’t think of a single one, I obviously still have work to do!

    TZ

    June 6, 2014 at 1:01 pm #58265
    Matt
    Participant

    TZ,

    Sometimes it helps the heart to heal when we can accept that we loved our best. Consider that it usually comes up as “I loved him, love him”, but perhaps he was only a teacher, someone that helped you to open your heart. Its really relieving when we find some acceptance that more important than “we loved him” or “we love him” is the plain fact “we love”.

    That’s where all the magic is, that’s what pushes us to heal, toward happiness (long term and today’s), and countless other wonders. Maybe a start to that silver lining list? 🙂

    Namaste, sister, may your healing be patient and tender.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    June 6, 2014 at 10:25 pm #58284
    MayraLuna
    Participant

    just wanna say that @matt gives the BEST advice. 🙂

    June 7, 2014 at 5:30 am #58292
    Matt
    Participant

    Thanks for the kind words. 🙂

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