Issue with neighbor...

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This topic has 9 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 9 months ago by Eris.

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January 27, 2016 at 12:28 pm #93967

Laura
Participant

I’ve been having an issue with my neighbor, and having a really hard time not letting it get to me. His car is really loud, even when it’s idling, and his driveway is right below my bedroom window. At 5:30 every morning (even Saturday and sometimes Sunday) he starts the car and lets it run for a minimum of 15 minutes (a few days ago it was a half hour). Needless to say, it wakes me up and I cannot fall back asleep, or if I do eventually fall asleep, my alarm goes off about an hour later and I feel unrested. The people from management in my building said they spoke to him about it (apparently they received complaints from others as well) and that he just gave them an attitude and pretty much said “too bad”. Management said their hands are tied. He is in violation of city noise ordinance, but I feel like it’s management’s responsibility to take care of that. They mentioned I could call the non-emergency number, but you have to do it while its happening and I feel like by the time I call and the officers get there, the guy will be gone (lets face it, sheriffs aren’t in a rush to deal with things like this.) I do not feel comfortable speaking to him personally about it because of how management told me he reacted to them and even if I said it nicely, it sounds like it would lead to a confrontation.

What makes me mad is that he just does. not. care. People like that make me so angry. I live in a warm climate and there is NO reason for him to run the car like that. He knows it bothers people but he DOESNT CARE! Its to the point where the last 2 nights I slept in my livingroom on the other side of the house. I hate even going in my room now. It starts my day off on a bad note and I get annoyed and angry and sometimes that feeling lasts the whole day. Its not fair that I have to just live with it and deal with it, like, too bad for me (and the rest of the neighborhood) while he just does whatever he wants.

If there really is nothing I can do, how can I prevent it from ruining my day? How do I prevent that anxious/sick feeling in the pit of my stomach the minute it wakes me up? If he had said “oh my gosh, Im so sorry, I will try and fix it/be quieter/not run it so long” I would feel so much better. What I feel the minute it wakes me up is – anger, anxiety and frustration.

Any tips on how to deal with this?

Thanks!!!

January 27, 2016 at 3:31 pm #93985

Aislynn
Participant

Laura,

Looking at this from an outside perspective I have to say that one, at first I thought, “well, he can’t get around starting his car and letting run if the weather is cold.” However, then you said you live in warm climate, so then it doesn’t make sense, but then I thought, “perhaps it is an older model and needs to run for a while before it can get going.” I say this because my step dad has an older truck, like a 2000 model, and while in good condition, if you do not let it run for at least 5 minutes it will start shaking. They had lots of work done on that truck but it is a problem that persists. Quite honestly, if it is that, then there’s nothing that you can do. He is not going to simply go out and replace his vehicle. It is simply something that you will have to put up with.

At least your neighbor does it only at a certain time. My neighbor on the other hand, will blast the music in his car at max volume at least once a day. It is terrible because he must have some of those added speakers with bass because you can literally feel the music reverberate off of the walls. I’ll be in the living room, or the kitchen and I can clearly hear the sound of his music. It even makes the door and some decorations on the walls shake. Which means it is definitely loud. I live in a duplex, and there is a neighbor in between us. I can’t imagine how my other neighbors deal with it. It is intolerable. Sometimes you just need peace and quiet, but no. He has no consideration. It causes me headaches sometimes. He’ll do it at noon, at 3 pm, at 5pm, at 8 pm. Clearly, he doesn’t care. You should see the way he and his wife treat each other. They don’t care who sees or hears them, they argue and cuss each other out. Imagine what he’d say to me, if that’s how he treats his wife.

I had considered reporting him and getting police involved. However, it would require me to testify against him in court. I don’t want to make things worse, so I put up with it. I always tell myself that things could get worse. I tell myself, just one or two more years of this and I’m gone, or hopefully he’ll move out. Otherwise I just try and spend time in the rest of the house, or I put on my music (not anywhere near as loud as his). Think happy thoughts and think that the problem is only temporary.

Try to adjust your sleeping schedule around the time he starts his car. Sleep earlier, wake up earlier. Spend that time doing some relaxing things. I know it is not fair for you to have to adjust your life to avoid the issue, but I am afraid there is nothing else you can do, other than move out, or get everyone around your apartment involved. If they are willing to also call the police or testify then perhaps you can make the issue go away. Otherwise, hang in there, and remember, it could always be worse.

January 27, 2016 at 8:10 pm #94002

Anonymous
Guest

Dear laura:

I am so sorry. I know this neighbor-from-hell problem only too well. Last apartment I was in, a tenant moved in downstairs a few months after I did. She was awake every night, all night long, using the water, a vacuum cleaner! on and on all night long. A few hours in the morning, she slept and then she was up slamming doors like a mad woman. I sincerely did not know if I will survive that neighbor from hell. I thought I will die in a car accident as a result of lack of sleep and I was worried I will physically harm her and end up in prison.

I talked to her. At one time I tried to scare her but I was no match to her. Eventually I moved out, as quickly as possible, before even having a bed to sleep in the new place. Once I moved out, after a few months of this, it took me a long time to figure out if I really survived the experience…

I survived it and am here to tell about it. I have no advice how to endure this other than Stay Alive until you move out!

anita

January 28, 2016 at 8:43 am #94046

Laura
Participant

Thanks for your responses. I hate that you both went through the same issue, but it makes me feel better that I’m not alone.

His car is “suped up”, meaning he paid extra to have loud exhaust pipes installed. My mom told me this morning she woke up in a panic because of it. Other than this problem, we love where we live and would have to have to move out – especially because its possible it can happen anywhere.

When I lived in an upstairs apartment, I was very conscious of how I walked, was careful not to slam doors, etc. as to not annoy the neighbor below. I don’t understand how some people just have complete disregard for others. Ive been thinking about starting meditation, because I don’t want to affect my life any longer.

Thank you for your input!

January 28, 2016 at 10:07 am #94060

Aislynn
Participant

Oh, you’re definitely not alone, there are too many inconsiderate neighbors out there!

Oh, so he’s one of those guys. Not trying to judge him or categorize him, but there seem to be more of them each day. I don’t understand the need to make the car louder, it doesn’t affect performance.

Ahh, that’s terrible, about your mother waking up in a panic. You’re right it can happen anywhere. That’s something you’ll always have to wonder about anytime someone else moves in to your apartment complex or when you move. So yeah, don’t move, because while this guy may be a jerk, you could end up with a worse neighbor.

For example, my neighbors in the duplex I live, well they love to park in MY part of the driveway. They stop and chat, blocking my way in and out. They let their children play on my side as well, all over my plants and they would always leave their trash and toys EVERYWHERE. They managed to ruin a few plants. Their children also have the habit of kicking the walls in their rooms. My neighbor also thought it was a good idea to “pimp out” his truck in the driveway we share. Yeah, we each have a side, but usually his materials would end up on the ground, sometimes even take up some of my space. He worked on that truck for about a YEAR!!! And for what, he ended up selling it! Uhhh!! Talk about annoying, and I thought my previous neighbors were bad! The only thing they did was throw gum and trash everywhere, slam doors, and yell. Not even a fraction as bad as my current neighbors. Thankfully I took pictures and spoke with my landlord, and while their children no longer play on my side of the yard, or park in my spot, they still block my path sometimes, so it’s manageable but still angers me from time to time.

“I don’t understand how some people just have complete disregard for others.” I don’t either. They tend to think they own the place just because they pay to live there. Newsflash, we all pay, we all have the same rights.

Definitely do meditation, it will help you feel much better. Meditation, while I don’t do it too often, when I do, I feel so relaxed afterwards. Making me feel very happy throughout the whole day. Try it.

January 28, 2016 at 1:12 pm #94097

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Laura:

Also, i don’t think it will hurt if you … kindly tell that neighbor how his car running is right under your window. If you get there when it is running and show him: look, this is my window. The car wakes me up. Could you please…?

Didn’t help me, in the case above, but maybe it will work for you, in addition to the installment in his car.

I too was very considerate of neighbors and I too cannot understand how others are not… but it is what it is.

Please update us with developments and all the best to you!

anita

January 29, 2016 at 7:54 am #94170

Laura
Participant

Thanks Anita.

I would not mind kindly letting him know, except, management has already spoken to him about it and they said he did not take it very well. He is not very friendly to begin with (never says hello) so I do not feel comfortable talking to him about something that he already knows is a problem, but doesn’t care. I’m also afraid of retaliation. He may get pissed off and just rev the engine even louder and longer.

Thank you for the suggestion. I know if anyone ever came to me and said something I was doing was bothering them, I would feel terrible and do everything in my power to fix the problem. Unfortunately, not everyone is like that 🙁

January 29, 2016 at 9:41 am #94202

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Laura:

I see, the possibility that he will retaliate, unfortunately, is a real possibility. If Management though is not effective, I think you have a chance (and I am talking about a statistical chance) to get a positive response from him if you approach him about this just the … right way. First get clarity of the situation in your own mind:

If Management is ineffective, and police is not an option (because by the time they would get there, he would stop the engine or for whatever reason) and if the recent installment in his car that you mentioned is also not working… this means you, Laura, have absolutely no power over him and he has all the power in this context. Do you agree?

With this understanding, if you agree, it really is all up to him for as long as you live there (unfortunately but so it is)- in this case you approach him according to this unfortunate reality and convey to him something like: I know it is all up to you. You have the power. How I sleep is up to you since your car, here, is right underneath my bedroom, there. Therefore I am asking you, as the one having the power over me, to (do this or that)…

…?

anita

January 30, 2016 at 8:01 am #94302

Tom
Participant

This is a potential for a great learning experience as you are going to continue meeting these types of people throughout your life.
Things to remember.
One, you aren’t going to change their behavior.
Two, even if you were to resolve this issue, you will only find comfort until the next person annoys you.

Learn what it will take for you to become comfortable in this situation.

Am I saying you need to work your entire life around everyone’s poor behavior?

What I am saying is you have two options.
1 – Change all the people in the world who are annoying which could be a HUGE number of people.
2 – Focus on changing just one person (yourself) to induce behavior which makes you find piece when having to deal with people like this.

February 9, 2016 at 12:06 pm #95577
Eris
Participant
I’m guessing letting all the air out of his tyres isn’t an option…

What about every time he does it, if its possible, – stick your head out the window or go down and be annoyingly friendly (sounds like he’s the type being friendly would annoy) just be so crazy annoying (in a nice way) ‘thanks for waking me – i’d never get up otherwise, what a lovely day, talk about medical problems, you great aunt’s birthday party etc that hopefully he decides he needs to avoid you and there for not wake you up with his car 🙂

And if he’s friendly back then you ask him nicely if sometimes he can be quiet with the car.

The sick angry annoyed pit of stomach thing is i think to do with lack of control (it is for me in these situations anyway) so what ever way you can take some control of the situation (not necessarily the above!) might help.
- This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Eris.
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