“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene
Sometimes I am really terrible to myself, and I relentlessly compare myself to other people, no matter how many times I read or hear about how good enough or lovable I am.
On an almost daily basis, I meticulously look for evidence that I am a nobody, that I don’t deserve to be loved, or that I’m not living up to my full potential.
There is generally a lot of pressure to “stack up” in our culture. We feel as if there is something wrong with us if, for example, we’re still single by a certain age, don’t make a certain amount of money, don’t have a large social circle, or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. The list could truly go on forever.
Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, I seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself.
I get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep.
The other day, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read a comment from one of my blog readers telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally. And if that one simple word was used in the intended context, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life.
I get comments like these on a pretty regular basis, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections.
Such comments also open my eyes to all the things we beat ourselves up over that don’t matter—like whether or not we look like a Victoria’s Secret model in our bathing suit, or whether or not we should stop smiling if we’re not whitening our teeth, or whether or not the hole in our lucky shirt is worth bursting into tears over.
Lately I’ve been trying harder to catch myself when I feel a non-serving, self-depreciating thought coming on. And I may let these thoughts slip at times, but that’s okay because I’m only human.
While my self-love journey is ongoing, here are a few things I try to remember when I’m tempted to be mean to myself:
1. The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too.
We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure you that the people who seem to have it all do not.
When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through.
2. Your mind can be a very convincing liar.
I saw a quote once that read, “Don’t believe everything you think.” That quote completely altered the way I react when a cruel or discouraging thought goes through my mind. Thoughts are just thoughts, and it’s unhealthy and exhausting to give so much power to the negative ones.
3. There is more right with you than wrong with you.
This powerful reminder is inspired by one of my favorite quotes from Jon Kabat-Zinn: “Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you.”
As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too—like the fact that I’m alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose.
4. You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least.
This was a recent epiphany of mine, although I’m sure it’s been said many times before.
I find that it is most difficult to accept love and understanding from others when I’m in a state of anger, shame, anxiety, or depression. But adopting the above truth really shifted my perspective and made me realize that love is actually the greatest gift I can receive during such times.
5. You have to fully accept and make peace with the “now” before you can reach and feel satisfied with the “later.”
One thing I’ve learned about making changes and reaching for the next rung on the ladder is that you cannot feel fully satisfied with where you’re going until you can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where you are.
Embrace and make peace with where you are, and your journey toward something new will feel much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying.
6. Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than how far you have left to go.
One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the hell-bent need to “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel less than and worthless. What we don’t seem to realize is that working toward our goals and being willing to put ourselves out there are accomplishments within themselves, regardless of how many times we fail.
Instead of berating yourself for messing up and stumbling backward, give yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have.
7. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.
Telling yourself what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you reach a higher potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.
I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to achieve self-love is to love yourself—regardless of who you are and where you stand, and even if you know you want to change.
You are enough just as you are. And self-love will be a little bit easier every time you remind yourself of that.
About Madison Sonnier
Madison is a writer of feelings and lover of animals, music, nature and creativity. You can follow her blog at journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ and buy her first eBook through Amazon. She loves making new friends, so be sure to say hi if you like what you see!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
Thank you Madison, what an excellent article. You’ve succinctly captured all of the demons I battle on a daily basis and detailed how they can be overcome.
You made my day! 🙂 Thanks for reading.
I had a terribly intense depressive episode not even 24 hours ago. Haven’t had one of those in a long time. I almost blanked out. My friend posted your article which showed up on my timeline and your thoughts reassure me of what I felt was true. Thank you Madison…there’s a reason everything happens when it does 🙂
Ditto! Almost word for word, a lot of the battles I have on a daily basis are described above. Thank you, Madison.
I’m always comparing myself to other people and beat myself up if I don’t feel good enough 🙁 its so horrible. Thank you so much for your advice, I will definitely be referring to this when I’m in need. Thank you!
I’m so glad it helped!
wow i LOVE this post. thank you.
Thanks for reading! I’m glad you love it.
I am so glad I took the time to read this. Number 2 really struck a chord with me. All the others hit the bull’s eye too, but Number 2 is my favorite. I am going to print this and read it as often as I need. Thank-you!
Thanks for reading! I also like #2. That realization was inspired by another article I read on TB. I think it was this one: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/3-reasons-to-stop-worrying-about-your-negative-thoughts/
Very good Madison. I’m a Naturopath and work a lot in Mind/Body healing and often times compare myself to others. Your article was good timing for me and well said. Empaths seem to follow this pattern of comparing themselves to others and feel like they struggle with their worth. It’s all the journey to healing 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading.
Thank you, Madison! I needed this reminder and badly! Have also shared the link to your article on my blog, in the hopes of helping my friends who are also going through similar situations! <3 Love and light to you!
Thank you! Love & light to you as well.
thanks I love this and will be useful for me to remember when I do these things <3
This is gonna solve many problems I face on daily basis…Thanks Madison 😀
I have this bad habit of always being hard on myself and comparing myself to others. My friends from college are either married and have kids or have fabulous jobs. I’m almost 30 – a milestone in my life – and I haven’t really achieved any of these things and it makes me feel depressed. But the article really helped me. I don’t need to be so hard on myself and need to remember that my time will come and the best is yet to be.
I struggle with comparisons too. It helps to remind myself that life isn’t a race and that we’re all on our own journey. 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful post. I am going through a viscous cycle right now, where don’t feel like I am living up to my full potential and no matter what I do I can’t seem to get ahead. I am ready for the changes in my life, but everything is at a halt. For instance, I can’t predict when I am going to land a more challenging job with better pay, or when I am going to meet my soul mate. I wish I could have all these things RIGHT NOW but unfortunately, that’s not what the universe is choosing for me this instant. The rule is to be patient and know it’ going to happen with time.
Thank you for reading. I’m actually reading a book right now that might be a great resource for you if you feel like everything is at a halt. It’s called 20 Something, 20 Everything by Christine Hassler. It’s been like therapy for me to go through the exercises in that book. It really explores several different aspects in a young adult’s life such as love, career, finances, etc.
But yes, patience is everything. We’re all on our own journey. 🙂
that book sounds awesome!
it does sound awesome. i am going to be 53 this year. the last of my family to go to college too. i graduated in 2012. it was hard, to say the least but i did it only to find that, well, everyone and their mother has a degree so now i am back at square one. i have a decent job for the moment and i am using that money to pay up the bills i have…i hope to take my life back soon!
wow I cannot believe the timeliness of this article! Just a little earlier today, I had a small breakdown (pity party) with crying and everything in front of my husband asking him why doesn’t anyone like me?? I am so embarrassed to even admit that…especially because I am a grown woman who just turned 50 on January 18th. I told my husband that I still feel like that 13 year old little girl I used to be who hated herself. I know I sound pathetic. The things that brought me to this meltdown today are things that I would typically let slide off my back, but I know they are things that still linger deep inside everyday because I often feel like I am not good enough….mean, selfish, you name it. I just cannot believe that I am 50 and still feel as though I have not grown up. So I told my husband I have no idea why or how he even loves me and that the only reason my 13 year old daughter loves me is because I am her mom. Whew! talk about a pity party for myself, lol. Feeling a little better at the moment but this article most definitely has helped to bring me back to reality! Thank you sooo much!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have meltdowns like that on the INSIDE all the time. It’s certainly not healthy to question why people love me…and I only do it when I have a hard time loving myself. I just try to take care of myself the way my loved ones would. If someone I love wouldn’t say the things that I am saying to myself, I try not to say them.
It’s easier said than done, but can be achieved with practice. I’m glad you’re feeling better today!
what is difficult is that when you try “not” to do something, you have to think of the thing that you are trying not to do. i think Mushin’s advice is a better thing, acknowledge the thought and then let it go…instead of thinking about it and why you don’t like that thought, if we can let it go, that will help. i find it funny that when i go to work, i am relatively fine. i don’t really have any negative thoughts. it’s when i am home that this all happens. wait, not when i am home, it’s when i am home and the spousal unit is as well, therein lies the problem. for the longest time my daughter said it was just me making things up, but now that she lives here again, she sees the nonsense he seems to provide in abundance.
it is amazing for me to read your comment. I feel EXACTLY like this almost all of the time. my husband and I actually ended up in counseling not long ago partially because my own -loathing was damaging our 17 year relationship.I know it’s all prosperspective, it can just be reeeally difficult to make yourself focus on the positive, or at least not focus so much on the negative. anywho, thanks for posting and sharing.
Hi Sherrie, don’t feel bad, I know just how you feel. I have been married for 26 years I am 46 all the kids are gone. I have been partners in business with my husband for over 20 years and I feel like I am 18 and all alone. God is my blessing and I know he is what gets me through the days. I really don’t know what happen to make me feel so small!!!
being under a thumb can make you feel like that. i need to put my own life back together and take it back. i got a decent job finally, it might last only a year because it is contract work but i am paying down as many of my bills as possible and putting aside as much money as i can so i can blow this damn clambake 😀
I wish we could have a support group -I could have written your post…(((hugs))))
Hey everybody, at least you guys have husbands/family. I am 50 and probably will never be married. I have no children, no siblings, no job, and few friends to speak of (they probably get tired of my Pollyanna personality). Even Hitler had a girlfriend, but maybe she just wanted him for his money. Thank god for tv, movies, cats and books.
Every night I hope I don’t wake up in the morning and hate myself even more for not having the balls to end my exsistance I’m just a joke to everyone have been constantly bullied mainly verbal all my life no one has any respect for me the people I do speak to just pretend there my friends but really they just enjoy laughing at me and talking down to me like I’m a piece of crap because of the constant abuse I don’t like people any social events don’t even want to go to funeral service I’m a hermit . I did have a good thing in my life once but it’s hard to believe in a love you can’t have now it’s ruined for good mainly because 1 of the things I have been bullied for is my size I’ve been called stump now for more than half my life and it’s mainly this that I’m paranoid about I no size matters and why would a women love me I could go on all night about my life I just feel like I’m either going to flip and kill someone end up in the nuthouse or killing myself if I told the doctor about this I’d already be locked up cause this is only the tip of the iceberg
Matthew size doesn’t matter to some women. Yes, guys might make fun of you, but if you are a straight guy, who cares what guys think? you should just care what a woman thinks. To hell with other guys.
It sounds to me like you also are suffering from depression and that can be the result of a genetic vitamin and mineral imbalance and deficiency. I would recommend to start taking Trace Minerals Research “Mega Mag” Ionic Liquid Magnesium Chloride (1/2 dropperfull to start, slowly working up to 2 dropperfulls in Am and 2 dropperfulls in pm over the course of a couple weeks or so) Magnesium Chloride is the best absorbed form of magnesium and magnesium will help you not be as depressed or anxious about your situation. I would also recommend taking Vitamin C with rose hips or bioflavanoids capsules and eating an orange and an avocado every day. Oranges are great for the vitamin C and Folate and the avocado is great for the glutathione. Also steamed potatoes are great. And for sure get the Trace Minerals Research “mega Mag” Ionic Liquid Magnesium Chloride.
Take care and to hell with the bullies/haters. As Justin Bieber said, “there’s gonna be haters” and he should know, he has many more haters than you do 🙂
I just want to say that im a girl and size doesn’t matter to me. There are tons girls who think the same, as there are tons boys im sure who think the same. Do u care about the size of a girl?
You not crap!
Matthew. That’s a debilitating thought process you have going on there. I’m really not surprised. I’m 5 foot 8 inches. When I was growing up I used to be regarded the short-end of average height. Not any more. I had someone confirm this the other day by saying “Oh ‘such and such’ is a little guy like you”. I felt my emotions shift; defensive, shamed, bothered… Basically the feedback/comment didn’t match the image in my own head. And the worst of it was, there is not a god-damn thing I could do to change the opinion of the other person.
So where to from here?
1) Stop competing in areas you cannot control. The definition of insanity; trying the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. The best you can be? If there is any competition then it is with yourself. Be as fit as you can be, learn to sit 10 mins each morning without moving, look up zazen – practice watching your thoughts. Watch the self-esteem issues rise, when they do (and they will) watch them, acknowledge them and allow the thought to move. If you have a habit of stopping thoughts or pushing them away by using anger or resentment to arise then long term you’ll develop another issue all together. I think that’s where you are now. By hating yourself you’re giving life to the idea that these other guys are the pinnacle of manhood, and that you simply don’t measure up to them. Without getting too ‘zen’ I’d suggest that the mountain is not the river, the river not the mountain, but both are part of the great earth. The same for us. Not one and not two. Be part of the whole but realise that trying to be/compare yourself to something else is going to create pain.
Take a look at your ambitious nature, realise that you are entering a competition whereby you cannot win unless you can change your DNA. If you need time to see this, then you may need time. If you practice allowing these thoughts to arise then let them go then in time your ambitious nature may shift into your career or something else, or it may subside all together. Just don’t put pressure on yourself. Give it time, breath deep, feel it in your body let it go.
We all love you, not for your ideal but for who you really are – Your contribution to being real and your eventual unfolding of your real self.
May you life go well!
too funny because i am 5’9″ and a woman and i have the same problem, too tall.
I am 5’9″ too. Just like Cameron Diaz. A good clothing line is Long Tall Sally, and Alloy has up to 37″ inseams on pants and J. Crew sells clothes for tall women online. Basically when you are a tall woman, you have to wear skirts and tops and pants and tops because dresses have too high waists if they are not made for a tall woman. I like dresses, but I never wear a dress because of this, because they don’t fit right. I wear a skirt and a blouse.
Another thing you could do is fly to Amsterdam and stock up on clothes since all the Dutch women are tall. I had a friend who lived in the country and I bought a round trip air fare for $470 and went to all the thrift stores in Amsterdam and got a ton of great clothes for cheap and they were all long and tall. In that light H&M clothes also tend to be cut longer because they are a Dutch company.
i forgot about this but……the river/mountain comment you made, Mushin, just reminded me of “the map is not the territory.” thank you for that 😀
I read your reply again. I still think you are right on. being a tall woman (5,9 isn’t that tall but try shopping for clothes. nothing ever fits right), i think that your ideas will help me. i don’t look in on this email address often but i am glad i did this morning. thank you, and thank Becca too, for making a difference for me. 😀
Thank you Mushin! I struggle and that really helped heal my heart. 💝
i am sorry people make fun of you. you are a great person if you ask me. bullies are horrible. i live with one and it sucks. i always thought that there is some flicker of worth in everyone. my husband treats me like i have no value. and today, i feel like i have no value. but i know other people do.
you need to get out of the marriage and away somehow. Life is too short to live like that. I guess no husband is better than a lousy one. You should check out to find a room somewhere with other people for cheaper rent if you can and get out. Don’t even bother to wait for a divorce to become final.
I wrote what I did because I was sad about some guy I liked, well I finally got off my delusional cloud and realized that the good looking charming guy I liked was also a manipulative narcissist big time loser, and I am lucky he didn’t like me, because I probably would have married him and then in been in the same boat you are. Sometimes its lucky to not get what we want, because we might want a Trojan Horse.
Thank you for your reply 😀 I feel good knowing that I am not the only one in the world that has this problem. And you did ok, so will i.. thank you!
I know this is 2 yrs late. I’m very sorry that you were bullied about your size. I know it feels to be worthless even if it is nothing compared to what you have been thru and as i continue to battle this i suddenly remembered this quote i heard the other day: Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. It helps me get thru tough times along with some exercise and the company of family. I find for me that even a little bit of exercise energises me and puts things back into perspective, maybe this will help you too. I sincerely hope you get better.
Becca, I have 4 siblings and never talk to any of them. My 2 ex-husbands were abusive and I am on disability because of the breakdown I had after my first divorce. My kids can be very disrespectful. And I thank God i have my 2 cats!
husbands are crap, you do NOT want one. trust me, they just put you down until you want to die.
Hey thanks Sheryl and Neer for giving another perspective on the issue. I must be thankful for what I have.
To clarify though, I was wishing for a good husband, not a loser 🙂
Sheryl, as far as your kids go, they must have inherited some bad genes from their father. Bad genes like MTHFR mutations can make some people behave badly.
Please see MTHFRsupport dot com or read the online article in Psychology Today called “A Genetic Mutation That Can Affect Mental & Physical Health
MTHFR mutations are linked to depression, ADHD, migraines, miscarriage & more. (irritability, bad moods etc)
Hey Neer nFar. I know this is 7 years later, but I hope you’re doing better than when you wrote these replies.
Nobody deserves to be mistreated, especially by the people closest to us. It’s unfair.
I thought you might like to hear that that wasn’t Hitler’s girlfriend, or at least she shouldn’t have been his girlfriend. That was his niece!
becca i hope ur doing well now
Sherrie, I just wanted to let you know, that I feel the exact same way as you do. I am 47 yrs old, and I don’t think I ever really had friends, except for 4 that passed away, and they were all men. I always enjoyed being with the opposite sex, because they were not cats, like most woman. Id care if no one agrees with me, and maybe that’s what my problem is because I am too damn honest. I say it the way it is and Id care if someone agrees with me or not. I just wanted to let you know, that, sometimes the best of us, are the ones who hurt the most. I mean, deep down inside, I try not to show the pain, but meanwhile, its killing me! Also, my family and my siblings hate me, because they can’t be like me. “Open”, with my feelings and opinions about everything. My own sisters hate me. That is the worst feeling that anyone can endure. Now, I’ve had it. At what point does things change? Or do I have to just disappear into thin air, but than they would win. I wish I had just a few friends, I have my husband, but eventually after 20 yrs, he will get sick of me. Good Luck Sherrie, and Good Luck to myself. I hope and wish the best for you and you will be alright. Remember this. You have a daughter, and she definitely loves her mom, whether or not you feel it, you will feel her love when she gets older. Your husband seems like a good man, because you can communicate with him, and that is a blessing. I wish you all the best, Seriously, God Bless Sherrie. Namaste-
Madison– This is *exactly* what I needed to see/hear/listen to today. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing this. <3
Aww, thank you for reading! I’m glad it helped.
Thank you x
Hi Madison, this article deals with a lot of things that I can relate to. I always try to beat my own records, striving for the best. But that’s just not how it goes. I recently started photographing kids. I want to be great at that right now but I know I’ll have to learn it step by step. It can be demotivating to look at other photos, but when I feel good it motivates me. Thanks for the article, it really helps!
This was an inspiring read. I will write these down, because everything that you said int his article is helpful. Thank you for this. Self-love is the only love!
I really enjoyed this article. I have struggled massively with my self esteem over the years. I’m 34 now and only yesterday I found myself worrying about a party I am going to at the weekend. I had a huge feeling of anxiety because “no one will want to talk to me at the party. No body really wants me to go because no one likes me. Maybe I shouldn’t go.” I realised that this was an old pattern. An echo from the past and I had to sit with this feeling for a long time and work on trying to release this belief as it was not true and I did not need it any more. This article came at a perfect time for me and I especially liked the part about not hating yourself into loving yourself. Its comforting to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with these issues. Thank you so much for sharing your experience x
You will be fine because I’ve been there. I’m the only one that’s still single amongst my close niche of female friends. All of them are either in a long term relationship, engaged, settled, married, or starting a family. The last girls night out I literally sat alone in my room the night before finding a reason why I had better thaings to do and not go. I felt I wasn’t “ready”, I had nothing to offer, I didn’t want to be there if I was going to be invisible. However, I reached out to one of my single girlfriends who’s older and expressed to her how I felt. I am so glad I did because she explained to me the importance of why I needed to go. I went to dinner the next night and had such a great time. I didn’t want to go because I wasn’t happy with myself. I compared myself to them how come I’m not where they are at? When you feel the way you feel of being unwanted , tell someone about it or write it out. When you find the reason “why” you will have a stronger “reason” to attend. For me I acknowledged and accepted that it’s okay to be in different part of life, it’s okay to be single when everyone else is in a relationship because the most important thing is me and what makes me happy and how I plan to get it. Our thoughts can be tuff to overcome and poisoned because we are much harder on ourselves than anyone else on us. I found my “what is it” and “reasons” to overcome it and hopefully you will find yours too.
When you go to a party, ask people questions about themselves or their hobbies or what they like to do to have fun. People like talking about themselves and things that they think are fun. This way you won’t have to think about anything to talk about and you end up getting to talk to a person who is happy that you are interested in them.
truth 😀 people love to talk about themselves. once you find out what their likes are, its a piece of cake 😀
This helped me put into to words what i have been feeling all day.. take a step back and enjoy. What is tomorrow, if I can’t enjoy today? This article is just what I needed to read today. Thank you for sharing your thoughts because I now share them with you!!
Thank you. I needed this. 6 & 7 is me to a T. I also feel not good enough a lot. I need to to stop my self critic and try and realise that I am good enough.
Thanks, I needed to hear this.
I developed very good self-esteem in college, and then I graduated, lost a great job because the company had some financial problems and couldn’t hire me any more, moved home with my parents where I have to share a room with my younger sister and don’t have any super close friends in town, etc. Those, amongst other things, got me really down and depressed and I lost a lot of that confidence. I’m out of the lowest part of the depression and I’m mentally in a much better place, but there are still days when I’m doubtful and scared that I’m not good enough because I’m still living at home, still can’t find a good job, etc. I know I just have to keep going and eventually I’ll be able to move on outwardly, but until then it’s hard for me to keep feeling happy inwardly and articles like this really help me stay focused on what I’m trying to do.
I’d like to add something that I try to remind myself all the time: Never compare yourself to anyone except who you were yesterday. If you do even one small thing better than yesterday then you’ve improved.
Thank you for reading, Hannah. I relate to a lot of what you expressed, and I’m glad my post helped shift your focus.
Good luck on your journey! Depression is the worst, but it does get better (as cliche and annoying as that may sound).
I too war with my self critic in my head every day. And the last tip, #7 you can’t hate your way into loving yourself really hits home. I journal and write all my negative things down and try to figure out how I can learn to love myself but one thing that never came to mind is Just Stop being so mean to yourself. It’s a hard thing to do, and I’m really not sure how to get there but your advice makes a lot of sense.
Thank you for your words of wisdom! The world is such a difficult place to live in and it’s never easy. I have had an awful past and now at 21, I suffer from anxiety and depression, which makes it hard to know which feelings are real and which arent. I struggle on a daily basis but it’s people like you who give me hope. Depression is apparently going to become one of the most common illnesses, so stay strong everyone!
Thank you Madison. You saved my sanity. I thought I was a lost cause. 🙁 But after reading this I don’t feel that way any more. There is hope for me yet. 🙂 Once again THANK YOU.
For someone who catches herself every minute of every day tying her self worth to the failures (but never the successes) in her life, thank you for writing this. I dedicate what some would consider and obsessive amount of time through out my day nitpicking and tearing myself down, literally afraid to celebrate what I have achieved because I’m not worth it. 3,4, and 6 really hit home.
Thank you for the great article!! I have been working on self-love and facing my “crazy brain” thoughts for about the past 6 months. You sound just like me and I can relate to everything you have said, also thank you for giving me even more ways to love myself. You have opened my eyes to even more. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Agreed Madison. That is what can go on in my head on a daily basis. I attack myself. I say I don’t look like her, I don’t wear tons of make up and take pouty selfies showing my boobs. But maybe that is jealousy and maybe I need to see these people Im directing it towards as humans. Or maybe forget and stop focusing on them all together and focus on moi. Thanks for letting me know Im not nuts!
Hello everyone:) MY NAME IS TIFFANY AND I OVERCAME A 15+YRS. ADDICTION ON AUGUST 8, 2012. I BECAME UNEMPLOYED AND I COULD NOT EVEN GET A PART-TIME JOB, BECAUSE I HAD TO GO TO GET HELP IN MIAMI SINCE I WAS A HIGH RISK. I DECIDED TO GET MY OWN IRS LICENSE AND BUSINESS INSURANCE AND START MY OWN BUSINESS. THE FIRST YEAR WENT REALLY WELL FOR ME AND NOW EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE THE HOLIDAY SEASON COMING UP I’M BACK TO ADVERTISING AND FILLING OUT APPLICATIONS AND GOING TO TEMPORARY STAFFING AGENCIES. I WORKED FULLTIME FOR 15YEARS WHILE RAISING MY TWO SONS THAT ARE IN COLLEGE WHICH IS SO GOOD. I’M TAKING IT ONE STEP AT A TIME AND ONE DAY AT A TIME. I LIVE IN MILLVILLE, SO I WANT TO BE IN A GOOGLE COMMUNITY CLOSER TO WHERE WE LIVE. ANY POSTS OR FEEDBACK WOULD BE SO HELPFUL GUYS AND LADIES. THANK YOU- TSHFLORAL36@gmail.com or tshgifts@gmail.com EMAIL me anytime:-))
Thank you for the article. It is very encouraging to hear that someone as wise as you struggles with self-esteem and self-love too. We will always be no more and no less than a work-in-progress.
Wow what a great article. I can relate to all of them, but mostly #5. I’m 27 and have been struggling with a chronic genetic illness for 10 years, and will have it for the rest of my life. It’s interrupted my life so many times (university, family, job, etc), but the worst of it all has been trying to accept that this is my new normal for my body. It’s hard to accept that I won’t ever be “cured”. I feel like mentally I’m stuck mourning my old life and the loss of a healthy future. I don’t know how to accept that no matter how much my brain and heart wants something, my body wont be able to do it. I really don’t know how to accept it, but I do know that’s what’s holding me back from life. Will be keeping this article on hand for inspiration.
Muchas gracias por este maravilloso artículo
“You can’t hate your way into loving yourself”. Excellent! Sums it up perfectly.
You are courageous and awesome for sharing this and thank you for giving ways of fighting the good fight.
I wish I saw this yesterday when I really needed it >.< great post though! One critique I have though is with 3, but that's because as a chronically ill person it's hard to believe 3 when 2 is so spot on. -.-
really amazing and very interesting article.u
Madison I have been having a very hard time as of late and this article was so in my head I wanted to say thank you for making me not feel so alone in my feelings.
This will give you a hint if you have time. https://www.facebook.com/vinnie.sorce/posts/10202372337686333
Fantastic
This is awesome and made me smile. Thank you for writing it.
I understand. I have a wonderful life changing book for you to read. It’s called “The Untethered Soul” The author teaches us how to let drama move through us so we neither cling to it or stuff it down and try to avoid it. When we look at our drama through the eyes of consciousness, nothing can hurt. We will still have drama, but we won’t hold it or stuff it or protect it.
Thanks for sharing this. I’ve been feeling pretty down for the past few days and you are absolutely right. If we don’t value ourselves then how can we expect anyone else to? Definitely a good reminder.
Thank you!!! I absolutely love this article!!! I woke up in such a funk this morning but now that I’ve read this I’m ready to take on the day with a positive mind set! Or at least I’ll try my best! lol 🙂
♥♥♥ Thanks Madi!
Thank you. This is just what I need now 🙂
Beautiful post. You give me motivation to power through the day and develop ways to reach my goals with out concentrating on the what-ifs. Thank you.
Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this today. Keep writing! 🙂
I needed to read this more than I could have ever known today. Thank you from my soul!
Are you suppose to accept different parts of your body or if you can fix it so you’ll be satisfied and happier with it’s appearance. Can that be a part of loving yourself more if it can be fixed?
Thank you.
Hi I would like to traslate to spanish some parts of this wonderful article in order to do use of it for a blog I ama planning at the moment, but firts I would like to have your consent.
Thank you Manuela
Sure, go ahead! Thanks for reading. 🙂
Madison, My husband turned me on to Tiny Buddha and I am so glad he did. This particular article popped up on Facebook at a great time and was exactly what I needed. I am going through a particularly tough time and your article had a wonderful effect on my demons. You are especially right about number 5. I am still trying to deal with a mistake I made and when I begin to beat myself up about it all over again that is where I usually end up taking huge steps back and forget that I have made HUGE Strides, since I made that mistake. Thank you so much!
“I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep” – First world problems
First world problems are problems, too…I mean, a lot of us live in the first world.
Unless you were just making a joke, in which case, oh ho, very funny.
What does that accomplish? Don’t buy ice cream, unplug the TV, turn on some music – sing along. Read a book – something funny or interesting! Start a hobby that you use to do or something new.! Get up and start moving.
This is such a powerful article that really speaks to my ongoing struggles (and judging by the comments, clearly I’m far from alone in this). I will continue to take strength and comfort from your words. Thank you so much.