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ben

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 26 total)
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  • in reply to: Trying to Understand My Unhappiness #272739
    ben
    Participant

    hi Molly i’ve said a bit about here below, I know it’s not about me but it came to me and I wonder if applicable to you..?

    I also have poor childhood memory and idealization of it and of life. I often experience intense emotional experience when in vulnerable positions, for me it is linked I believe in the most part towards my father and his stern ideology for me and my life and if I step outside it I am not worthy of his love, or even will not receive it, and there is pain there because I am not loved on other levels/dimensions/parts of my personality.

    I wonder if there is a similarity for you, even there as you say is pain, which is physical. This is the deepest parts of you and they are resurfacing for awakening.

    Sorry which second paragraph?

    B

    in reply to: Someone please unravel my car crash of a life! #272519
    ben
    Participant

    I’m really sorry to hear this story, it has been a pile of s*** from day one by the sound of things. I can understand the living situation and not wanting to live with strangers. When I live with strangers it is overwhelming being in their presence, it should be a human right to have your own space and not be considered normal to share your home with strangers. No other animals really do this for good reason.

    Do you live in the UK? Have you considered applying for support or grants? Things like PIP for mental health grants, they are quick to fill out and you can get help via citizens advice? It could provide you with an income to get away or to find a cheap place perhaps? Not sure if there are other solutions where you are?

    Also if you are at home there are jobs you can do online, they don’t tend to pay a big income but it can be something to help you. Websites like Money Shed are good for starters. Plus it can give you something to do and they have a community of people online who will help you through everything. You can make £300/400 a month which is rent money for example or a holiday which might be good.

    Do you know of any support groups locally for those who may be struggling with similar issues? I recommend it from a practical perspective, it might be absolute hell to be there in a room of strangers but being around people really could be a lifeline for almost anything (work, home, support network, etc) and you don’t have to talk and generally there will be people there who are non-judgmental and who may have been through things like you?

    It’s frustrating the lack of these groups really, you know you have strong drug and alcohol support networks set up by governments but there is a real lack of mental health ones.

    Have you considered more radical treatment? I’m not sure if I’m allowed to mention it but it some countries they have quite “radical” methods of treatment for sufferers using plant medicines and natural remedies which can induce intense experiences but have also had “radical” results as well. I can point you in the direction for this if you’d like but I would recommend getting a stronger grounding first if possible with work etc so your mind can be more focused on your pain.

    Either way, I would add that you’re trying to understand and “unravel” your life, something which you don’t need to do but is something the mind will do over and over again in an attempt to provide answers for you (keep you safer, etc). This can be a wasted endeavor and lead to rumination.

    My best wishes,

    B

    in reply to: Trying to Understand My Unhappiness #272515
    ben
    Participant

    Can I also add ask that why are you trying to understand your unhappiness? Does it need to be understood….? Or would it be better if you were just happy instead?

    I find the ego wants to understand to be in control so to feel safe which is why you’re trying to understand it, although it is not necessary?

    Best wishes,

    B

    in reply to: Trying to Understand My Unhappiness #272485
    ben
    Participant

    Hello,

    Can I ask how old you are? Are you feeling against a relationship at the moment?

    I have seen over the years what I see as over analysis spurred on by a buoyant spiritual industry, searching for understanding in every corner and in a culture (western culture) that has become tilted towards narcissism and overly self-competent driven. We really are tribal creatures and I’ve seen people go in search of spiritual answers when I really don’t think there is a mystical style answer.

    To me, it sounds like you may be neglecting yourself? I am offering my view from my preference towards the biological/physiological perspective. But it is my opinion that culturally people are neglecting their bodies, their bodies are calling to be used and we neglect it because of risk socially and the intensity of it and economic factors. We are designed to grow exponentially and unequivocally so in every dimension and on every level with no let up…

    Your body is calling to you, what’s important to you, you’re jealous of what others have and that’s okay. Maybe there is some distrust of life? That you’re not following life’s calling? Is this jealousy not life telling you where to go and what to do? Are you afraid of this level of vulnerability that’s required even on a sub-conscious level?

    I hope I haven’t been too hard here, I do think life sometimes is so glaringly obvious and we’ve created incredibly intelligent ways to complicate and confuse life when it screams in our faces what to do and our bodies are calling out to us what we want.

    Best wishes

    B

    in reply to: Lost hope for my life #272477
    ben
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m in a similar situation to you but I’m a bit younger and male, so maybe not all too similar but struggling with the same feelings of meaninglessness and mistrustworthy of others etc.

    It sounds a bit like you’re grieving your former self a bit as well which sounds good.

    Are you feeling any better in the new year?

    Best wishes

    B

    in reply to: Emotional attachment and depression #272471
    ben
    Participant

    hey,

    it sounds a really tough time. Sorry to hear that. Are you able to get yourself back into education or work? Or is that a bit too much at the moment?

    Overall, it sounds like you’re worrying a lot which is understandable, things sound a bit disjointed which at your age again is normal.

    Have you gone to see a doctor? Have you considered speaking with a therapist if you could get this funded in any way?

    I think it’s important for you to know, there are many other people who are feeling the same as you out there, you are not alone. You may come across them in your daily life and you could probably recognise this when you see them so keep an open mind if you can.

    On the psychology/personal development etc, have you seen a guy on youtube called Actualized/Leo Gura/actualized.org? He is a personal development guru and may be something of interest?

    Good luck.

    B

    in reply to: Lonely #272467
    ben
    Participant

    Just opening this up for discussion, but in my opinion the real cure here is for you to really align yourself with some people in a close relationship. It will require you to be vulnerable and open with others, something unnatural and unpleasant but necessary in order to build friendship.

    You are feeling low in general because you’re not receiving enough feedback of being wanted/needed in a group setting frequently enough. This general low mood is the body’s way of almost hibernating I think, it’s like it’s in rest mode and saving energy for when it’s needed. Notice how the body doesn’t shock us into a heightened state of at the fact we’re facing loneliness or are distant from a tribe etc. Regardless, I think trying to expand your circle is all you can do.

    Either way my best wishes.

    B

    in reply to: Lonely #272465
    ben
    Participant

    Hey steve, I am the same, I have quite severe social anxiety. I think it’s mainly a collection of bullying as a young child to having a dad who was really firm about who he was and who I should be if you see my thinking.

    I had to quit work not because of social anxiety but because of meaninglessness in my life. I was turning up at work and was making mistakes because I literally didn’t care about anything. I have decluttered a lot of the rubbish thoughts I have about things but I still struggle with the meaning. A lot of my friends live in a different part of the country for me and they all seem to be going quite seperate ways in their lives so it doesn’t feel like there’s much alignment anymore.

    I’ve signed up to go to local group classes, I despise these things because I know theres loads of bull**** from the people who run them as they’re there for their paycheque and don’t really care about the people around them who are openly struggling.

    Would you join any groups or anything like that? Or even get an extra small side job to help keep you social? I know the feeling of pointlessness, that’s what I feel most of the time and it’s really hard to find any motivation at all to just live life.

    Best of luck.

    B

    in reply to: extreme guilt after ONS with married man #272463
    ben
    Participant

    Hey

    Quite a story. It sounds like you’re worrying a lot, which is understandable. Sex for women is very intense and so I think your entire emotional/biological system is planning for a longer term relationship with this man and so you’re thinking a lot because things will probably be changing, it’s the body’s way of triggering the mind into really thinking fully about what’s happening to make sure you’ll be safe….etc. Do you see my line of thinking, this is to give you an understanding of what’s happening to you.

    Overall, I really wouldn’t label this as good or bad. I appreciate it isn’t ideal, are you more worried about what your boss’ are going to think of you in relation to losing your job? I would argue it will most likely have little to no impact to your career especially over the medium to long term. Plus Anita’s advice in a highly professional setting may be applicable, but it could also make you look like a liar if he does confess but from a professional stand point it’s none of their business really, especially if you’re all drinking, what do they expect happens?

    It sounds sensible how you’ve left things but it sounds like you found out what you like in a guy and the qualities so maybe you could take that into future relationships?

    Re. the spiraling into a bad place….can I ask what triggered the abusing sleep medication? Again though, this sounds like worrying and anxiety, is this of much use to you? If you can catch yourself doing this in the future you won’t have to waste your time worrying, it’s good you’re aware that you’re doing this.

    Re. the religious point, sounds positive to get it out in the open.

    Best of luck.

    B

    in reply to: confusion and analytical mind #194737
    ben
    Participant

    Hi VJ,

    Thanks a lot for your in-depth response. I have always been meaning to respond to you with a proper resonse once I’ve taken on board what you’ve said.

    I’ve spent a lot of time feeling and being with the inner body and I am physically in discomfort and have been for a while. I guess it is the emotional distress I have been through over the last several years…? The physical discomfort also exists in my brain, it feels like frustration at not knowing and being unable to feel peace or inner calmness. But the pain is physical.

    Do you know how I can relieve myself of this? I suffer from chronic fatigue/exhaustion almost constantly, only now am I becoming aware of just how exhausted I am/have been.

    in reply to: confusion and analytical mind #192487
    ben
    Participant

    Hi

    So yes, their relationship is emotionally abusive, my dad manipulates my mum into doing everything for him and manipulating her love for him. Which makes me feel sick.

    Then they are emotionally abusive to me also (especially my mum), so as part of the family unit as I think I mentioned prior I feel scapegoated as my feelings are not listened to, cared for or anything. This makes me feel like I have no support and have kind of lost and had my mum caring for me over the years.

    Yes, not as much as I used to, in fact now you ask the question, barely at all I feel. I can be alone just fine, but I am financially dependent on them at the moment. They are bringing in the financial dependency into the relationship dynamic which again is emotional abuse to me. I feel numb writing this to be honest. More like I’m writing it about someone else.

    Best wishes

    Ben

     

    in reply to: confusion and analytical mind #192477
    ben
    Participant

    Thanks Anita

    The emotions I’m dealing with now are anger and pain relating to the relationship with my parents. I have had a few girlfriends who have been supportive over the years but I guess the pain of this emotionally abusive set up I have whilst living at home is causing me suffering. The energy in the household is unbearable and I feel is actually making me physically sick.

    I have such limited control over my life because I feel dependent on their love at the moment. I know once I surpass this then I will be confident in confronting the emotionally abusive relationship they have but until then I’m going to show myself up.

    I feel like I have been grieving their deaths of sorts but how do I move on?

    Best wishes,

    Ben

    in reply to: confusion and analytical mind #191557
    ben
    Participant

    Thanks Anita

    I want to take some time out of my life, like a period of being unemployed as the working environment has been antagonising the problem. It looks like I’m entitled to certain benefits and can focus on my mental health so keeping fit, eating well, doing some part-time and being close to my family and friends.

    I don’t want to be running away from my problems but it feels like working 40 hours a week in a toxic office environment isn’t a safe place to be going through emotional understanding. Does anyone have any thoughts?

    Ben

    in reply to: confusion and analytical mind #189541
    ben
    Participant

    why can’t I heal myself – the motivation to get better doesn’t come from me, it comes from a chronic desire to see others happier. That doesn’t make me happy. It sounds like I can’t forgive myself for something. How do I love me?

    in reply to: confusion and analytical mind #187381
    ben
    Participant

    Haha yes. It’s weird I almost no longer crave the truth, it’s actually easy to find when you can see what’s hiding it.

    I also feel I don’t deserve to be unhappy, I had a “good” upbringing (surface level), like I don’t have a right to be unhappy and there is stigma in the UK.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 26 total)