Dear Peace:

You are welcome and I appreciate your welcome and kind words. We first communicated in April 2018 (more than five years ago) in a thread under the screen name Princess123. Back then, at the age of 21 or 22,  you were  living in Germany, a part of the Muslim community, far away from your large Muslim family in India and away from a sister who lives in Europe (“I live here without my family or anyone else”). The following is what you shared from April 2018 to Jan 15, 2022 (the last time you posted in your current thread, more than a year and seven months ago, which was yesterday):

Your travel to Germany and the first year of your studies and living in Germany were financed by two or more of your seven older sisters, primarily by the oldest: “My sis was spending more money on our (my and other siblings’) education. She wanted us to have a good career, and when I was in college she decided she will send me abroad for studies… She sold her Savings (Gold ) and also my other sister contributed with their Savings , taking loans.. as I landed here I had enough..  money for my first year“.

You were also financed at times by (1) a rich cousin (“he flirts sometimes but was the one who sent me money… he sent me 1000 euros last month.. very rich cousin (who) likes me and financially helps me when I ask him“),   (2) a live-in (now ex) boyfriend, ten years your senior, one who abused you sexually and emotionally, (about whom you wrote in January 2019, that he was “demanding 2400 euro, including the cost of the Mac laptop which he bought for me… and the ticket he bought for me… 1600 euro“), (3) your ex-boyfriend’s friend of 15 years: “He is always there when I need him, when I need help, money or emotional  support“.

You were working part-time in Germany, while attending university, and sometimes you sent money to your family in India: “I started working here, doing student jobs: waitress, working in bakery, or (in) production companies (As I learned German language and I am advanced in it, I started getting better jobs),  so I finance myself and sometimes my family by sending money to my mom  or sis“. You also sent money for a while to a long-distance boyfriend, now ex.

Following a series of relationships with abusive men, you met a man whom you dated since  May 2021 about whom you shared back in July 21, 2021: “He is a great guy …he is the person with whom I’m having a healthy relationship, who listens to me, cares for me, doesn’t react when something doesn’t go according to plan ,respects me and respects my space and boundary”. But your older sister advised you against marrying him (“she.. advised me to not marrying him just because of caste“, “because his mom also looked like mixed African“), and proceeded to harass you, creating disturbing drama in your life, emotionally manipulating you, guilt-tripping you in regard to the financial help she provided for you in the past

On  Oct 26, 2021, you shared: “this inner child of me doesn’t want any emotional validation from (elder sister)… I shouldn’t be allowing her or anyone to emotionally destroy me anymore… I don’t need validation from anyone and not from people who hurt me“.

On Oct 31, 2021, you shared: “At this stage of my life.. I want no drama in my life and no emotional manipulation from anyone.. I want to have a peace of mind and don’t want to be mentally disturbed“.

You married him in Germany without your family’s knowledge (“We did Islamic marriage here and waiting for our documents“, Dec 10, 2021) while your sister continued to harass you.

I submitted a detail, long post to you on Jan 15, 2021, which ended with this advice: “It is clear to me, Peace, that your duty as a wife of a good man, is to protect your husband from your eldest sister (and from any other family member who disrespects and mistreats your husband and yourself) by blocking them from having access to you and to your husband. No access= No abuse. Is what I wrote in this post all correct and true, or am I missing something that would invalidate my conclusion stated right above?”.

You never replied to the above, and yesterday, Sept 3, 2023, at the age of 27, you posted your gracious post, wanting to continue your thread. You shared today that you owe your two older sisters “approximately 8500-9000 euros“- I see that you did not accept my suggestion of Jan 15, 2022 that you don’t owe them any money and that you have no more contact with them.

“For the past 1.5 years, I’ve been financially supporting my mother’s treatment and expenses, as well as partially contributing to my 36-year-old brother’s household bills…  I had to pay for almost all of her medical treatment, about 85-90% of it. To get the money for this, I had to sell some things I owned, use up my savings, and my husband gave me 1000 euros… About three months later…  I contributed about 40% of the total cost (for your 36-year old older brother’s wedding)…  Two weeks after my brother’s wedding, my eldest sister, who usually communicates with me indirectly through another sister, asked me to contribute about 700 euros to help the second sister… About 3-4 months after my brother’s wedding, he asked me for 100 euros… When I calculate all the money I sent home in just one year, it’s almost more than 7000 euros. And I still haven’t repaid the money I owe them, which is almost 8500 euros“-

– I disagree, if I may: you paid 7,000 euros out of the 8,500 euros that you believe that you owe your family.

“Just two months ago, I asked my sister how she wanted me to repay the money I owed her. I asked if she preferred I give her gold or pay her with money. I offered to pay the entire debt of around 8500 euros in three installments, and I was ready to send the first installment of about 2000 euros. When I asked her, she told me that she had spoken to our eldest sister, and they both decided they didn’t need the money right now. Instead, she mentioned that she was planning to buy a house and wanted my help with it. I owed this sister around 1700 euros, and the rest of the debt was to our eldest sister“-

– seems to me that your sisters view you as a bank account, something to draw money out whenever they need or want the money. I don’t think that you owe them any money, but if you owed your family any money,  it is not a debt to individual members of your family, but to your family as a whole, because finances are shared in your family. Therefore, if you had a debt, it is now a debt of 1,500 euros (8,500-7.000= 1,500 euros).

“During this time, it became increasingly evident to me that the debt I owed to my family would never be settled. It seemed that no matter what efforts I made, the debt would neither be acknowledged nor accurately calculated or repaid“-

– I agree with an edit: the debt that you believe you owe your family will never be paid. The reason that they will keep asking you for money is that they consider you a source of income.: not a person, but a bank account from which they want  to withdraw whenever they need or want to.

“Why did I share all of this with you now? Even though they said they were okay with the proposal, and my sister mentioned she gave dresses worth 2000 euros for my wedding, things took a bad turn, and they caused a big, ugly problem. But Why??“-

– what I understood from this quote, which is at the end of your most recent post, is that your sisters said that they were okay with having a Muslim wedding between you and your (legal husband, in Germany) partner for no other reason but to motivate you to keep sending money to the family in India. What I didn’t understand is what you are referring to, specifically, by “a bad turn.. ugly problem“: what is the bad turn, specifically? What are the ugly problems?,

and what it is that you are asking: why.. what?

anita

Dear Thondit (Greg) and Zeeza:  IF you are reading this, please let me know and I will reply to you.

In regard to any and every member who sent me message in your own threads as original posters since my departure from the forums on Feb 16 this year: IF you are reading this, please let me know and I will respond to the messages you sent me in your own threads as original posters.

anita