Dear Peter:

As I sit in bed, 2nd day of Covid, can’t go out and about like I do every day, can’t chop wood and carry water, can’t do my usual daily walk, having moments of almost panic, claustrophobic, as in: I CAN”T GO OUT? FOR HOW LONG? HOW MANY DAYS??? AND NIGHTS???!!!

In this state of mind, I read your earlier post today and find comfort in it. It’s my temporal measuring mind that is panicking. Enlightenment would be something like this then: Before enlightenment, sick with Covid and panicking. After enlightenment, sick with Covid but calm.

As I sit here perspiring, belly uncomfortable, feeling hot, listening to the birds outside, seeing the sun through the curtains, hearing the wind now going through the leaves: I am not lost in thought; I am attending completely: this is meditation.

There is indeed something beyond words, beyond all thought.. timeless… a something not to attain, but to attend to.

“The question arises Do we dare to ‘see’ Life as it Is?“- yes, I dare to see Stillness that’s beyond Movement; Eternity beyond Time; and Acceptance and Love beyond Judgment and Hate.

Thank you, Peter!

anita

Dear Franco:

I wish the colleague didn’t laugh at you. It’s not only rude but unprofessional for an employee in a business to laugh at a customer visiting the place of business.

An emotion (e-motion) is energy in-motion, and the energy of fear and shame (embarrassment)  are powerful energies that we need to respect as powerful, on the personal level, no less than the energy of a lightening or a storm.

“I don’t know what to do“- can you message her online? The phone/ computer screen aren’t intimidating: she can’t see you, you can’t see her, no one there to laugh at you as you type out a message..?

anita

Dear Franco:

You got anxious. Our thinking is not at its best when we’re anxious: maybe her colleague at the shop was laughing, but not at you...?

You didn’t get to talk to her?

anita

Dear debs123:

How are you feeing today?

“I don’t believe he had a guilty conscience about anything he did“- that says a lot, I mean, no guilty conscience about anything at all?

“Looking back, he was manipulative and controlling.  It was all so subtle, slow-like…. when he dumped me 2 years ago, the last thing I said to him was, you are an evil human.“- evil in a subtle, slow-like way, yet in a way that has hurt you significantly. Can you block him, so that he can’t reach you?

anita

Dear Clara:

You are welcome.

“This morning, it did come across to me that maybe it is better if we are apart….Maybe she has been suffering for a while and honestly I do not want her to be scared and suffer anymore. Together or not“- I boldfaced what love is about.

“Anyhow, I will continue to see the issue that is happening on my side, will go to therapy tomorrow. Will see what comes up“- I think that by this time, you already had your therapy session, and In wonder how what transpired and how you are feeling.

anita

Dear Seaturtle:

“When I am not on the site for a couple weeks, does it make you feel like I am selfish, using you, or cold?”- no. When you don’t reply to me for an couple of weeks, I think that you don’t have a desire to talk to me, or you have the desire to not talk to me. At times I felt a bit hurt, a bit angry.

“Also I apologize for my horribly grammatical phone message here a couple weeks ago“- I didn’t notice or I don’t remember a horribly grammatical message by you.

“but you did great with it!“- thank you!

“To your post June 12th“… did you behave coldly and selfishly with him- Sometimes? Often? Rarely? Never?”- Not never… I went silent and cold, while being kind and straight forward… him calling me cold sometimes is accurate”- it’s a good thing that you didn’t go silent and cold and then erupt with rage (my mother’s pattern).

When you say “silent and cold”, you mean silently hurt and angry?

“For me ‘my true self was warm, but then was terribly abused, twisted into knots and generally emptied of the feeling of warmth. Leading to me feeling cold. My dad was also paranoid and emotionally detached from me, angry at me.. And I also feel it created an angry, judgmental and misguided loyalty. Everyone hurt him so I hated everyone including myself. All with the purpose of his acceptance, ‘togetherness.'”-

– wait, these are your words or mine (all of it, with warmth substituting the feeling of being ALIVE (my words).. ?

“I am trying to put together how/ which experiences I went through created this ‘barren emptiness.’… I felt the majority of my real self was rejected and judged by N…. It is out of the relationship, the past 6 months that I have been able to be my real self, I am not afraid to be rejected by new people and find it so exciting to find people who are real with me. That attitude has lead me to new relationships with new people”– I boldfaced the good news: you are mentally healthier following the breakup, congrats!!!

“Yes, I very intentionally have time before having my own hatchlings. I want to make sure I am swimming in the correct direction, to the right beach.“- swimming in the correct direction is key (It’s the journey)

anita

How are you this evening (your time, I believe), Caroline?

anita

Dear Harry:

You are welcome. “Yesterday she even met my dad …. If I’m totally honest I don’t know if it is going to work… I’m going to continue playing it how it has been before… She’s still excited for me to come to Australia and so am I“-

– she might be thinking that you are serious about her, being that you introduced her to your father yesterday. When in Australia, she might have you meet all of her family, thinking this is serious, not knowing that you are very conflicted, that you are not totally honest with her, and that your plan is to continue playing it  how it has been before.

“I’m speaking with a therapist who’s helping me with it all“- good thing.

“I won’t bring up what happened before again as far as I can help it“- you mean that you may not be able to not bring up the topic that hurts her.. as in being compelled to bring it up?

“We’ll see how we get on, but for now I’m happy and so is she.“- your romance story has been a very fast romance story, too fast, and she is far away from home. I think that she needs to go back to Australia, and recover in familiar settings: separate her Dreams and Hopes from Reality. Maybe seek therapy there.

It may help if she can see an therapist before she leaves the UK.

I wonder about your attachment style in romantic/ sexual relationships, if it is the avoidant or the ambivalent kind where you seek closeness with a woman, on one hand, and sabotage closeness, on the other hand. Are you aware of the concept of attachment styles?

anita