Dear Q::

“More noticeably, I notice myself feeling like ‘Moving on and dating other women feels like I’m cheating on her.”-

To me, this sounds like .. childhood guilt awakening in an adult- romantic context.

You wouldn’t be cheating on her dating other women. It feels like cheating on her because..?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Nichole:

I just looked back at our communication over the years, the first day you posted and the same day I responded was Aug 21, 2018, that’s.. 7 years 1 month and 24 days ago 🤍

“I also began reading your entry on diving into your childhood (It Is really good)”- thank you! Anything you want to ask me about what I wrote here, please do (quote my words, so that I’ll know what you’re referring to).

“When I look back at my relationships I often find that I was the clingy one. I cannot just say I gave more and they gave less, it was more like I needed love right then and there as I was deprived of it so I didn’t mind laying down as a doormat for it.”-

Me too. The pattern was: clingy emotions, doormat behavior => angry, lashing out (inwardly or outwardly) and withdrawing. I suppose that’s why I was diagnosed years ago with BPD (I no longer fit the diagnosis).

“More recently, with the last five years of growth, I am less clingy, less desperate and I know myself more and what I like. I try to give others the space to be them without trying to control or romanticize the relationship. But all of this is a work in progress.”-

Excellent job, Nichole, that’s a lot of healing 💫✨🌿✨🌸🕊️🌼

“Having my family back in my life was easy and I became lazy with trying to connect. So I do not have much experience as of recently.”- I am not sure that I understand this sentence..?

“What I realized in this group is my expectation for others to take the leap and open their arms to me. I lack initiative in this area and other areas of my life.”- it’d take practice, starting perhaps with imagining yourself reaching out to someone (what would you say, what would you actually do, expression on your face, etc.)

“Well that is my start, I am eager to hear yours.”- Well, Nichole, I’ll start today by saying I really like you, and I am glad that we’re communicating again. I’d like to connect with you more like with a friend, both of us helping each other in this journey of positively connecting with people, one person at a time. With discernment, of course, when and if it’s safe.

Distrust in people prevented me from connecting. I was too sensitive to any sign of rejection or disinterest and reacted with withdrawal and disengagement. I am clearer now, in my mind, about this long-term, lifelong distrust and misperceptions of many people (not of all) in my life. Work in Progress, like you said.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

If I had read your whole post before leaving the computer, your request for words of comfort, I would have found the time earlier 😔

Thank you for your empathy, friend. You are a good person 🙏. I am fine now, in this regard.

I think that yours and E’s choices in regard to SS & E are wise.

Yes, I do think that you can attract good mates, have fun relationships and a good career.. nothing perfect, but good-enough. Just keep being honest and courageous. Gradually reveal yourself with new people as you get to know them patiently. No rushing in these matters. One Step At A Time.

🤍🌿 Anita

* My 2nd post (“I want to add: when we suppress our emotions, trying not to feel them, they tend to explode or overwhelm us.. sort of demanding their 3rd dimension/ their space”), that was meant for another member, Q. I mistakenly posted it in your thread…

Back to you in a few hours, Going Through Life!

Anita

I want to add: when we suppress our emotions, trying not to feel them, they tend to explode or overwhelm us.. sort of demanding their 3rd dimension/ their space

Dear Going Through Life:

Let me see.. there’s SS, then your girlfriend, her best friend, let’s call her B, B’s ex-boyfriend, let’s call him E. The 4 of you went on couple trips together and you formed a close bond with E during those trips.

Next, B cheated on E and SS cheated on you (I don’t know in what order).

Next, you told E that B cheated on him, you broke up with SS, E broke up with B, and you and E’s bond deepened over the shared painful experience of being cheated on.

Next, SS called and said she misses you, then 2 nights ago, she called and texted you excessively—50 times. Her urgency was about B’s panic attacks, triggered by what you told E about B’s cheating.

Is my summary so far accurate? What is it that SS wants from you at this point.. ? Does she want you to tell E that B didn’t cheat on him, or that the cheating was not so bad.. anything like that?

I wonder how you found out that B cheated on E..?

“Yesterday Anita, I felt confident, I felt good about myself and I attracted a really wise, high vibration lady of 78 years old..”-

I like it that you felt confident and good about yourself two days ago. I hope you feel this way more and more often 😊

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Nichole:

It can take way less time for you than it’s taken for me. I can tell you all that I learned over time and how connecting is happening for me, and you can tell me about your efforts to connect. Maybe we can help each other.. right here, on your thread?

🤍🌿 Anita