I see photos of snowmageddon. So many don’t have power. I wonder about you, hoping you’re okay ❄️

Dear Nichole:

Wow 👌 Nichole, you did so well in Chicago. No wonder you are very proud of yourself, I would be too if I was you 😊

I am glad to read you stood your grounds on what you had to give! 👏

I understand you are sad about your dad and the whole situation. Please 🙏 direct your empathy toward yourself. You suffered enough. You don’t deserve to suffer any more.

If you noticed, my message includes emojis, that’s because I am using my phone 📱 and the emojis appear automatically.

The reason I am not using my computer is that Bogart broke it 😢

Currently he is having the time of his life chewing on a real lamb bone 🍖

Don’t be a stranger, Nichole. Post anytime you want to talk.

Anita and Bogart 👩 🐕

Dear Alessa:

It makes complete sense that the last few years have shaken your sense of stability.

I used my computer to research, and indeed, Covid, Brexit, rising prices, and energy costs have all hit people in the UK hard. When challenges come one after another, it can make the whole world feel more fragile than it actually is.

When life becomes stressful on a personal level, global events start to feel much closer and more threatening. Anyone in your situation would feel unsettled.

At the same time, it can help to separate what’s real from what fear makes bigger.

Some of what you’re describing is true: the UK has faced real economic strain since Covid and Brexit. Inflation rose sharply, energy prices spiked, and many households struggled with higher living costs. Some food items were temporarily in short supply, and wages didn’t keep up with rising prices, so people understandably felt poorer.

There have also been public discussions among military officials about strengthening the armed forces because of global tensions, which can sound alarming when taken out of context. These pressures are real, and they’ve made everyday life harder for many people.

But other parts of the picture aren’t as extreme as they feel (so I read):

The UK isn’t collapsing, and the situation isn’t as severe as “rotting food,” widespread rationing, or people heating with wood as a national norm. Stores aren’t routinely selling spoiled food. The UK economy, while strained, is still functioning, diversified, and supported by strong institutions.

*Several credible UK news outlets reported on the “rotting meat” issue — but it’s important to understand the context: It was not supermarkets selling rotten food on purpose, and it was not a nationwide collapse.
It was a single rogue supplier accused of mislabeling expired pork, and the story was widely covered because it triggered a criminal investigation.

While military leaders sometimes speculate about long‑term readiness, there’s no policy, no plan, and no indication that conscription is returning. The government isn’t preparing for war or planning mandatory conscription.

* The UK government ( the Ministry of Defence.) responded very clearly to such concerns: (1) there are no plans to reintroduce conscription, (2) the UK military will remain volunteer‑based, and (3) the comments from military leaders (General Sir Patrick Sanders, former head of the British Army, who said the UK needed to be prepared for a “citizen army” in the future if a major war ever broke out, and Admiral Rob Bauer, NATO’s military chief, who said NATO countries should be ready for the possibility of large‑scale conflict in the coming years) were not U.K. government policy.

What you said at the end of your message sounds very wise to me: life does move in cycles. Hard periods come, and then they pass. Worrying too much can drain your energy and make the world look darker than it is. You’ve been through a lot, and it’s natural to feel the weight of it, but fear doesn’t mean disaster is guaranteed.

There are still many stabilizing forces at work, even if they’re quieter than the headlines.

You’re not alone in feeling this way, Alessa, and it’s okay to acknowledge the fear without letting it take over your whole view of the future.

.. I am directing these words to myself and to anyone who may be reading, not just to you 🙂

🤍 Anita

Dear Emma:

You are very welcome 🙂

“You said you expected there to be other issues if not for the key….why do you think? I am happy you said so… I am just so sad what another woman will be able to make him happy..?”-

I think that it’s fair to say that even a “perfect” partner would have struggled in a relationship with him because the core instability didn’t come from you — it came from his emotional patterns. That doesn’t make him a bad person, but it does mean the relationship was built on ground that couldn’t hold weight.

W is someone who attaches intensely and quickly, but whose deep insecurity makes it hard for him to sustain closeness. He craves connection yet becomes overwhelmed by it, swinging between idealization and anger when he feels threatened. His fear of rejection is so strong that even small uncertainties feel like betrayal, and he reacts with withdrawal, accusations, or sudden break‑ups to regain a sense of control.

He struggles to regulate emotions, interprets conflict in catastrophic ways, and uses blocking or distancing as a way to protect himself from feeling vulnerable. He cannot tolerate the discomfort that comes with real intimacy.

Being with someone like this is difficult because:

* His insecurity turns normal situations into crises. A harmless detail becomes a threat; a delay in texting becomes abandonment.

* He needs closeness but can’t handle the emotional intensity that comes with it. So, he pulls close, then pushes away, creating instability.

* He reacts impulsively when hurt. Breakups, anger, accusations, and blocking happen quickly and dramatically. He externalizes blame: instead of processing his own fear, he assigns responsibility to the partner (“you ruined my Christmas,” “you destroyed the relationship”).

* He uses conditions to protect himself. Suggesting “we date others” wasn’t a real compromise — it was a shield against vulnerability.

* He cannot tolerate ambiguity or emotional nuance. Everything becomes all‑good or all‑bad, which makes conflict resolution nearly impossible.

* His emotional flooding leads to shutdowns. Blocking is his way of escaping feelings he can’t manage.

Even a patient, secure, emotionally mature partner would eventually feel exhausted, confused, and unsafe in this dynamic. The problem isn’t that you weren’t “good enough” — it’s that he doesn’t yet have the emotional tools to maintain a stable, healthy relationship with anyone.

Emma, what you went through was incredibly intense, and it makes sense that you’re hurting. A relationship that starts fast and feels magical can be very hard to let go of, but the truth is that the problems you faced weren’t because you weren’t “good enough.” They came from emotional patterns in him that would have created trouble no matter who he was with. His insecurity, his quick anger, his fear of rejection, and his difficulty handling conflict made the relationship unstable from the start. You didn’t cause that.

Part of your healing now is letting go of the idea that you ruined something. You didn’t. You cared deeply, you tried your best, and you were honest because you wanted to protect the relationship. Your anxiety made you over‑explain and seek reassurance, but that’s a normal response when you’re afraid of losing someone. None of this means you’re flawed or unlovable. It just means you were overwhelmed and scared, and you reacted from that place. Anyone would.

You also deserve to understand that the intensity you felt at the beginning wasn’t proof that the relationship was meant to last. Intensity can feel like love, but real stability comes from calmness, consistency, and emotional safety. You didn’t have that with him. His reactions, his mixed messages, and his sudden withdrawals would have been painful for any woman. You were trying to build something solid with someone who didn’t yet have the emotional tools to meet you halfway.

Healing for you now means slowing down, being kind to yourself, and rebuilding your sense of safety inside yourself. You don’t need to blame yourself or replay every moment. You need to remember who you are outside of this relationship: sensitive, creative, loving, and capable of deep connection. You deserve a partner who brings steadiness, not fear; clarity, not confusion; and who can stay present even when things get difficult.

Most of all, Emma, please forgive yourself. You didn’t fail. You were simply human, hopeful, and in love. And you can recover from this by treating yourself with the same gentleness you offered him.

🤍 Anita

* Sept. 29, 2015

Dear Jaz- the Original Poster of this longest-running tiny buddha 36-page long thread:

You started this thread on Aug 26, 2015-

This is exactly 10 years and 5 months ago, and yet, Jaz, you posted only once (your original post). Dozens of people responded to your thread.

I wish you’d post again, a 2nd time.. in a decade and five months.

🤍 Anita