Dear Jana:

Thank you for your kind words! Socializing helped me, and I appreciate your encouragement. 😊

It sounds wonderful that you are having a relaxing weekend ahead! Focusing on your connection with little Jana is a beautiful and nurturing thing to do. I’m glad to hear you’re taking this time for yourself.

Wishing you a peaceful and fulfilling weekend. If you need any more encouragement or just want to share your thoughts, I’m here for you.

anita

Dear Gabriel:

Thank you for sharing your story and your thoughts so openly. It’s clear that you’re going through a challenging time in your relationship and experiencing a lot of internal conflict.

You identify as an extreme introvert, which makes it difficult for you to spend extended periods with others, including your girlfriend. You have a fear of commitment and anxiety about the future, and the pressure of moving in together adds to this anxiety.

While you try to communicate your needs for alone time, your girlfriend’s response of feeling unloved adds to your stress. This cycle of anxiety and conflict is taking a toll on both of you. When anxiety becomes too overwhelming, you create conflict to get a break, which is unhealthy for the relationship. However, after each conflict, you feel instant relief but later regret and sadness, indicating a harmful cycle. You and your girlfriend have made some progress, but old habits of withdrawal and distance are resurfacing.

“When I lived with my parents, I was easily irritated by their presence despite them doing nothing wrong.”- This suggests that your childhood experiences might have contributed to your current struggles.

(1) A childhood spent with overprotective or controlling parents can lead to anxiety and fear of commitment in adulthood, (2) A childhood lacking emotional support can lead to difficulties in forming secure attachments in adult relationships, leading to difficulties with intimacy and feel overwhelmed by closeness,

(3) Growing up in an environment with high expectations can create immense pressure to perform and please others. This can result in anxiety and a fear of failure, impacting relationships and personal well-being, (4) Inconsistent parenting, where affection and attention are unpredictable, can lead to insecurity and anxiety in relationships, being overly dependent or fearful of abandonment,

(5) Exposure to negative family dynamics, such as frequent conflicts and fights, or lack of communication, can shape one’s approach to relationships, leading to difficulties in handling conflicts and expressing emotions healthily.

Are any of the above (or a combination of them) true to your experience?

Understanding the roots of your struggles can be the first step toward addressing them. Here are a few suggestions that might help you navigate this situation:

Here are a few suggestions that might help you navigate this situation:

* Consider seeking support from a therapist who can help you understand the roots of your struggles, manage your anxiety and fear of commitment, and provide you with tools and strategies to cope with these emotions.

* Continue to communicate openly with your girlfriend about your needs and feelings. It’s important to have honest conversations about how you can both support each other without causing stress or conflict.

* Work on setting clear boundaries that allow you to have the alone time you need while also dedicating quality time to your relationship. Finding a balance is key to maintaining your emotional health and the relationship.

* Engage in self-care practices that help you recharge and manage your anxiety. Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can help reduce stress.

* Be patient with yourself and your girlfriend. Relationships require effort and understanding from both parties. Recognize that progress takes time and setbacks are a part of the journey.

Remember that it’s okay to seek help and prioritize your well-being. Taking steps to address your anxiety and communication patterns can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling relationship. Wishing you strength and clarity as you navigate this journey.

anita

Dear Gabriel:

I will read and reply to you Sat morning (in bout 19 hours from now).

Anita

Dear Substantial:

Thank you for your kind words. I’m truly glad to read that my support has been helpful to you during this tough time.

I appreciate the time you’ve taken to reflect on the situation and share your thoughts so openly. It’s clear that you’re experiencing a lot of internal conflict and anxiety regarding your relationship. Your introspection shows great self-awareness, and that’s an important step toward finding clarity.

It’s understandable to feel a range of emotions when considering ending a relationship. The concerns you mentioned are valid, and many people experience similar fears and doubts. Here are a few points to consider:

Second-Guessing: It’s natural to second-guess yourself, especially when making significant decisions.

Self-Blame: While it’s important to reflect on your own actions, remember that relationships involve two people. Both partners contribute to the dynamics, and it’s rarely just one person’s fault.

Fear of Loneliness: Fear of being alone can be powerful, but sometimes, taking a step back can provide the space needed for personal growth and healing.

Low Self-Esteem and Fear of Abandonment: Recognizing these underlying fears is crucial. Working on building self-esteem and addressing abandonment issues can help you gain confidence and clarity.

I noticed that you seem to be experiencing a lot of repetitive and intense thoughts about the relationship and its potential outcomes. This kind of thinking is often referred to as “rumination” or “obsessive thinking.” Obsessive thinking can make it difficult to find clarity and peace. It might be helpful to explore ways to manage these thoughts, such as mindfulness practices, journaling, and seeking professional support: a therapist or counselor who can help you develop strategies to manage obsessive thinking and provide guidance tailored to your situation.

About her behavior: it’s interesting to note that when you naturally pulled back, she started putting more effort into the relationship. This could indicate that she values the relationship and senses the need to make changes. However, it’s also important to consider whether these changes are sustainable and if they address the core issues causing your anxiety.

Ultimately, the decision to stay or leave the relationship is a deeply personal one. Be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself the time and space to process them. Learn to trust yourself to make the choice that aligns with your well-being and growth.

I hope this helps, and I’m here for you as you continue to navigate this journey.

anita

Dear Dafne:

Thank you for your kind words 😊 I’m so glad you feel welcome here.

Dec 29, 2024: “he asked me out and started talking about a project to be together. He lives in a tiny apartment… he doesn’t have a stable job; only works a few hours for his friend doing admin tasks… So, not sure how he wants to have a house in the future. There is that big (but risky) project in Asia he has been working on for 4 years and still nothing happened.”

Jan 8, 2025: “He showed me an official letter from a cultural center but refused to send it to me as it was confidential. Do you think it could be true? It is not a work contract or any other legal document. Anyone could have written that. Maybe he was afraid that I could verify it?”

Feb 6: “I had an impression that he is looking for someone willing to contribute financially in order to have a house. He has sent me many apartment and house adverts and asked which one I like. Then once I told him he said that he had no money to buy and that his work wouldn’t allow him to take a mortgage or loan. Why is he even showing it to me? I’m confused…”

Feb 9: “He told me to choose (a restaurant) and I made a choice but.. Then he refused all places I wanted to go to… He proposed another one and I accepted then told me that he can’t take me there… Then texted me that he made a booking to a different restaurant. Why did he ask me in the first place if he decided already?”

Feb 21: “He keeps writing about the project… He told me that if I promise not to share his business plan with anyone else, he will send it to me. I said ‘ok, if you trust me, send it to me and I won’t share the sensitive details’. But once I said ok, he said that he will show it to me on his tablet (instead of sending) as there are some numbers and salaries included. So he wants future with me but hides information? Why did he ask me in the first place?”

This is my understanding of the situation:

* The Asian Project: The project exists only in its planning phase, which he has put together by himself. It does not exist in a practical sense. Just like I could start a project involving millions of dollars on my computer by researching, copying, and pasting information into an online business plan form, he has created a plan with no practical applications. He wants you to invest financially in what is, in practical terms, a fictional project.

* The Home Advertisements: He knows that you want to get married and move in with a husband, so he manipulates this desire by sending you advertisements for homes. His intent is not to buy any of them but to motivate you to buy them and arrange for a mortgage that he is unable to get himself.

* The official letter from a cultural center, the one that “Anyone could have written”, is one that he has written (or got an online source to write for him).

* The Restaurant Fiasco: When he asked you to choose a restaurant, his intention was not to genuinely consider your choice. Instead, it was a tactic to keep you engaged in his “Dafne Project,” with the ultimate goal of leading you to hand him money.

* In regard to sending you his business plan vs showing it to you on his tablet: when he offered to send you a business plan, he didn’t intend to follow through—just like when he sent you home adverts with no intention of buying any, and when he asked you to choose a restaurant but didn’t honor your choice. These actions are all tactics to keep you engaged and wanting a future with him, ultimately aiming to lead you to hand him money for that future.

“Now, he really wants to meet me and show me the plan. I think out of courtesy, I could meet one time… I could simply say… Is that a good idea Anita? Would you say something else instead?”- For your emotional well-being and to protect yourself from harm, I believe it would be best to end all contact with him.

“To be honest, I’m trying to distance myself as much as I can but somehow he doesn’t let me. He just doesn’t give up easily… now the relief of unblocking me turns into a frustration… I don’t know how to establish the emotional distance anymore… What would you suggest Anita?”- I would send him a courteous message where you express that you are ending all contact with him, for your sake and his, requesting that he no longer contacts you. If he disregards your message and contacts you (beyond one possible message where he accepts your assertion and says goodbye)- block him. You deserve to have control over your own life and emotional well-being. He shouldn’t have this kind of control over you.

I hope that you have a good weekend, and 🫂🤗 back to you!

anita

Dear Alessa:

I’m truly sorry about the hardships you have faced, and I’m glad to hear that things are a lot better for you now. It’s important to be gentle with yourself, and your journey towards self-compassion is commendable.

Dear Jana:

I understand your perspective on rules, plans, and goals, and I agree that both our upbringing and genetics play a significant role in shaping who we are.

I can see why you associate strength with protection, especially in a harsh and unpredictable world. It’s unfortunate when tenderness, such a beautiful and valuable quality, is exploited by others.

I admire how you connect success and failure to personal and spiritual development. Striving to be a decent, kind, and tender person is indeed a noble goal, and it’s clear that these values are deeply important to you. It’s wonderful to read how you’ve embraced your true self and found internal validation.

anita

Thinking about you, Robi, wondering how you are doing..?

anita

Thinking about you, Beni, wondering how you are feeling.

anita