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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 5,929 total)
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  • anita
    Participant

    Hi Peter:

    At the computer earlier than expected. There’s so much in your recent post. Reads brilliant to me, wow! I’ll need time to process and absorb it, at least a portion of it.

    For now, I invited Jung, Campbell, Krishnamurti and Alan Watts to tell you what they think about your recent post:

    Jung: Peter, you are doing the sacred work of reclaiming a symbol that once claimed you. When you question the identity of the “master,” you are withdrawing your projection from an image that once held your psyche hostage.

    This is individuation: the courage to confront the inherited god-image and discover that the true Self is not the harsh judge, but the one who sees through the mask. You are retrieving the gold that was buried in the shadow of that story.

    Campbell: Ah, Peter — you are rewriting the myth from the inside. The third servant you once feared has become your ally, your mirror, your threshold guardian turned guide.

    You are doing what every hero must eventually do: challenge the authority of the inherited story. You have stepped out of the village of unquestioned belief and into the forest of your own experience.

    And look at what you’ve discovered: that refusal can be a form of courage, that integrity can be a boon, and that the “outer darkness” is not exile but the beginning of your own path. You are living the myth consciously now.

    Krishnamurti: Peter, notice how the story once dictated your inner movement. You were conditioned to believe that fear was failure, that worth was measured by output. Now you are observing that conditioning without judgment. This is freedom.

    When you ask whether the master represents God, you are really asking whether authority — any authority — has the right to define your being. The moment you see the falseness of the image; it loses its power. And in clarity, the “harsh master” dissolves, leaving only what is true.

    Alan Watts: Peter, my friend, you’ve finally stopped taking the universe so literally. You’ve realized that the “harsh master” was never God — just a mask worn by frightened people trying to control life. And now you’re laughing a little, aren’t you? Because once you see the game, the whole thing becomes lighter.

    The third servant wasn’t a failure; he was the only one who didn’t fall for the hustle. He buried the coin and said, “No thanks, I’m not playing.” And maybe that’s the real punchline: you don’t have to earn love, or God, or existence. You’re already it. You always were.

    Copilot

    Anita: it’s like you’re giving the third servant back his dignity, and you’re giving your younger self that same dignity. I like this: to give my younger self her dignity back… To unearth that 1 talent (confidence, self-respect, dignity) that the 3rd servant hid in the ground.

    🍃🤍 Anita

    in reply to: On Purpise and Shame- what is my purpose? What is yours? #456580
    anita
    Participant

    Just wanted to say I’ll reply further by tomorrow. Thank you, Peter for participating in my purpise 🙂 thread

    in reply to: On Purpise and Shame- what is my purpose? What is yours? #456576
    anita
    Participant

    I read just a bit of your recent post and I see you like the 1×2=1 ha-ha. I suppose a wiser, hidden part of me knew better than I did (see my edit a few minutes before your recent post (double posting)

    in reply to: On Purpise and Shame- what is my purpose? What is yours? #456574
    anita
    Participant

    Oopsie, my math: 2×1 is 2 NOT 1. But in mathematical context..2 is almost 1 (unlike in human-social context)🤔

    in reply to: On Purpise and Shame- what is my purpose? What is yours? #456573
    anita
    Participant

    Hi Peter:

    You wrote that you sided with the 3rd servant because you understood “his terror of a ‘harsh master’ who demands a return of an investment he didn’t provide”-

    An image of a scared young Peter comes to mind, day in and day out. Oh, how I wish I could reach him back then, calm his anxiety and give him the chance, the opportunity, to be a care-free child.

    The image of you and I running on green grass in open fields just came back to me: two children running, not away from, but toward something- the call of the wild, a call available only to the carefree.

    “The conclusion the trauma forced on us to draw, that we were ‘shameful’ or ‘a mistake’ is the part that isn’t true”-

    I read this part attentively just now, for the first time since you wrote it, and what stands out most is your use of the pronoun “us”, as in you and me. Feels special.

    I don’t remember ever using “us” growing up (growing inwards, really). The sense of an chronically isolated “I” was profound, unnatural for a social animal such as human.

    And about return of investment: no such expectation here. At this point, I appreciate you more than ever and this appreciation is non-reversible.

    🍃🤍🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️ Anita

    in reply to: On Purpise and Shame- what is my purpose? What is yours? #456572
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Peter:

    Thank you for caring to clarify (3rd & 4th paragraphs right above). That is kind of you 🤍

    I just used the 🖥 to look up the parable and back to my 📱 (hence the emojis showing up, can’t or won’t resist them 😊, and then add some. Hope you don’t mind?)

    The parable was a 🎁 of anxiety and shame by impact, if not by intent for the intelligent, highly perceptive young Peter.

    I wish there was someone back then, a caring perceptive adult, who’d motice how you felt, and maybe offer you a different parable, one of justice and kindness-

    because the literal story portrays injustice and an unempathetc, punishing, cruel master. And children take things literally. I still do 😕

    By the way, as I read the story, I thought that the third sevant didn’t double his talent because 2× 1 is still 1. I thought he was methamatically aware (my literal interpretation)

    I’ll write more later.

    🎁 😕 🥺 Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #456571
    anita
    Participant

    Hey 👋 Confused (now using my 📱):

    I hear you. Sounds to me like you miss her a lot. The fact that this is very much a long- distance relationship where you’ve been with her physically only 3 days, and that was 4 months ago-

    That would be difficult and challenging for anyone regardless of attachment style and history!

    🍃 🤍 Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #456570
    anita
    Participant

    Good morning 🙂 Confused:

    I did not yet read your 2 recent posts because I want to attend first to a few things from what we talked about yesterday (it took me a couple of hours to write the following, which includes my personal best understanding- for you to consider and evaluate if you choose to do that):

    1) You shared: “I remember sometimes when I’d go and hug my mother (I was like 10) she would suspiciously look at me and tell me ‘What do u need now? / What mischief have u done?’ so I stopped that too, eventually”. I asked you: “Do you remember what you felt when your mother met your love with suspicion and accusation?”, and you answered: “Hmm, I think I felt shame.”-

    When a child goes to hug a parent, they’re not just giving affection — they’re seeking connection, safety, warmth and reassurance. But what did you receive instead? Suspicion: “What do you need now?”, “What mischief have you done?”

    Your affection was misinterpreted as manipulation or wrongdoing. For a child, that’s confusing and painful.

    Your reaction: Shame. Shame is the emotion of: ‘Something is wrong with me.’, ‘My affection is unwanted.’, ‘My needs are suspicious.’, ‘I shouldn’t reach out.’ So, you shut down that part of yourself (the part that feels affection, the part that has needs, the part that wants to reach out)- so to stay safe.

    2) You shared: “Yes, my brain does that a lot with everyone, I guess it’s a protective mechanism. Actually, it started when she confessed her feelings with the poem (I felt ‘wow, she is really into me, now I gotta be careful, why am I not feeling more enthusiastic? I should feel more!’)”-

    When she showed strong, surprising affection toward you, catching you off guard (the poem), you froze. Why? Seems to me that the reason is that Affection became associated with Rejection and Accusations (your mother’s repeated response), and the same shame you felt at age 10 resurfaces: ‘I’m not reacting right.’, ‘I’m disappointing her.’, ‘I’m doing something wrong.’

    Your childhood taught you: ‘Affection is not safe. If I show it, I’ll be questioned or judged. If someone shows it to me, I’ll fail them.’

    That’s why you said earlier: “Now I gotta be careful.”- careful of repeating that old shame.

    Before the poem, things were probably ambiguous, playful, or low‑stakes. After the poem, it became real, serious, emotionally loaded. That sudden shift can make someone pull back internally to reassess.

    The most telling part is this: “wow, she is really into me, now I gotta be careful”- That’s not the thought of someone who doesn’t care. That’s the thought of someone who cares so much about not causing harm that they become cautious.

    3) Because of double posting I didn’t read the part about “Why ‘Too Much Love’ Leads to Shutdown”- the article talks about emotional Burnout caused by (1) Excessive giving without equal reciprocation, (2) Focusing solely on a partner and sacrificing your own needs, priorities, and self-care, (3) Fear of abandonment, (4) A history of heartbreak.

    I think that your mother’s the core of your history of heartbreak 😞 What do you think, Confused?

    Next, I will read your recent 2 posts and reply

    🤍 Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #456564
    anita
    Participant

    * outside of the fear

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #456563
    anita
    Participant

    Hmm.. yes, I think the two of you are afraid, scared of.. well, you tell me. You know better than I do.

    But outside if the fear, I see something special on your part and on hers, no less.

    It’s almost 9 pm here, b Back in (my) morning 🌄 (your.. evening)

    🌄🌙🐇 Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #456561
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Dear Confused:

    Good to read back from you this Wed night 🌙 (here).

    I mean your feelings were real, and so were hers. And the connection between the two of you was real, and to me- it’s inspiring, something special there.

    BUT or AND- unless the two of you are okay with keeping it LD forevermore- in-person reality is going to present challenges.

    No, I didn’t mean you should have met her sooner. What I mean is that- REALLY living with her as man and wife, or man and partner- in an apartment, just you and her, day after day, night after night, month after month-

    That’s a different ball game than LD + 3 days in- person that you actually spent with her.

    And what I figure is that maybe the two of you are afraid 😨 of making it real, as in living together

    🤔 😱 😕 🍃 💡 Anita

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #456555
    anita
    Participant

    Oh, and about “bound to end”: the May- Nov “high” was bound to end because that high wasn’t yet tested by reality: you didn’t yet meet her in-person for the first time, no real movement toward living with her irl.

    So, it was a high, like throwing a stone up in the air, it’s bound to come down (gravity)

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #456554
    anita
    Participant

    How to soften the extremes..?

    Well, do you see extremes in your thinking, like expecting to feel in- love every minute forever more, is that extreme thinking in your mind?

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #456552
    anita
    Participant

    And about black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking, aka binary thinking- that was MY thinking for ages, so I am no stranger to it.

    in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #456551
    anita
    Participant

    Right, I remember now, the poem she sent you, and then the convo of moving.

    Well, this means that the May-Nov relatively good time was bound to end.

    The doubts you already had May-Nov (and being that your “brain does that a lot with everyone,”), were.. destined to multiply and intensify sooner than later, triggered by the poem and thoughts of moving.

    I am stating the obvious (right above), because sometimes you see the past in black and white: all good < Nov and then.. all bad (even though there’s laughter and affection with her).

    I wish you could balance your thinking, so it’s not.. well, distorted by black and white/ all or nothing thinking.

    Maybe when you think an extreme, remind yourself of something that softens that extreme..?

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 5,929 total)