“When she confessed her feelings, (you thought) “Now I have to be extra careful not to hurt her”-

So, when she expressed love for you, you didn’t expand, as in, Let’s Love Each Other. Instead yo u contracted, as in, I Have 2 B Careful.

Love= Hurt.

That’s the kind of “love” you grew up with, the kind that hurts.. so, you connect the two?

🤔 👀 😢 Anita

Dear Omyk:

You’re welcome and tank you.

One door 🚪 closes, another opens?

* Since I talked to you last, my new dog 🐕 destroyed my computer 🖥 and I have the use of a 2nd computer only in the mornings 🌄. I am using my phone 📱 and emojis keep showing up. I like 👍 them, hence there are many of them. I hope you don’t mind.

You said that you were determined to make it a strong 💪 year, but in general, so much is out of our individual control. Try to not blame yourself for what depends on other people and factors that have nothing to do with you.

You’re not familiar with the area (regarding the FT pastoral position), but you’re familiar with the human mind, heart and experience and you can help those in need of help in any community, I am thinking 🤔.

A day at a time ⏲️ is my strategy, and having some fun 😁 with emojis.

How do you have fun?

🤍 🤔 ✨️ Anita

Interesting that you picked up on it. It crossed my mind that you used her as an escape during my last post to you, but then I thought, no, or at least not fully, that the two of you had meaningful exchanges. So, really, it’s not one thing OR another, it’s this and that and this other thing.

How are you, The Ruminant, after almost 12 years to the day of posting this thread?

🤍 Anita

* edit: if we want to put an end to some of the negative consequences

Good morning, Confused 🙂

In regard to “something is missing/not right”-

You mentioned OCD and depression a few times, beginning in your very first post here (“I have started therapy with someone that specializes in ocd/depression”, Dec 19).

It’s common that people with OCD (I was one) describe a strong internal tension like: ‘This isn’t complete.’ ‘This doesn’t feel right.’ ‘I need to fix this.’, ‘Something is off and I can’t relax.’

The feeling itself — “something is missing/not right” — can appear in other emotional states, such as in anxiety and depression. But in OCD, the “not right” sensation is usually followed by a strong urge to fix it, such as checking, re-reading, re-thinking, mentally reviewing, seeking reassurance, trying to get the ‘perfect’ feeling.

The person feels driven to do something until the internal tension goes down. It’s not just discomfort — it’s pressure.

People with OCD often know nothing is actually wrong, but the feeling is so strong that it overrides logic. It feels like: ‘I know this makes no sense, but I can’t shake it.’, I need to fix this even though I know it’s irrational.’ That mismatch — insight + compulsion — is very characteristic of OCD.

In OCD, the goal is to get the right feeling, the person often tries to reach a sense of ‘rightness’, ‘completion’, ‘certainty’. It’s not about solving a real problem — it’s about chasing an internal sensation.

In other contexts, people don’t chase a ‘perfect feeling.’ They’re just distressed or confused. The feeling (“something is missing/not right”) doesn’t create compulsions.

In one sentence, in OCD, the “something is missing/not right” feeling creates a compulsive drive to fix or complete something, even when the person knows it doesn’t make sense. In depression, it is about loss of emotional connection, of an internal spark, a feeling of aliveness and missing the old (not depressed) self.

It’s an internal emptiness without a compulsion/ drive to fix or complete something. The feeling doesn’t demand a specific mental or physical action. It’s uncomfortable, distressing, maybe confusing, but not compulsive.

Maybe this distinction is helpful, what do you think, Confused?

🤍 Anita

I want to add, I have communicated via a private email with about a dozen + tiny members over the years, still ongoing with only one member.

My best communication was with members on tb forums, right here.

So, I prefer these public forums. It’s just that if you think a private forum is advantageous, you are welcome to offer me a private email.

🤍 Anita

Dear Q:

The most important thing 👏 is that you’re doing well, that you are less anxious and better at regulating emotions. I am thrilled 😊 to read this, this Fri evening.

Of course, I am curious about recent events, but I understand your discomfort sharing about it in a public forum. I qouldn’t mind communicating with you on email, if it’d be helpful to you (?)

If it might, you are welcome to give me an email address I can write to. Otherwise, we can talk here about anything you want to talk about.

🤍 Anita