Dear Alessa:

First thing I want to say (made it safely home, yeah!) is that I will never intentionally ignore you. This is a promise!

Personally, I prefer to not communicate with anyone here in the forums AND on email, but if the forums/ website become unavailable I would love to communicate with you over email and phone, if you would like that (I have your email address). It’d be exciting to meet you in-person one day!

*Intrusive Thoughts Trigger Warning-

What I had in mind to tell you earlier (during the hours long drive) was in regard to the intrusive thoughts you shared about. I never shared this before, but as a teenager+ I had similar thoughts in regard to babies/ young children I came across, like this one cousin. I didn’t know of the term “intrusive thoughts” back then (I did suffer from heavy-duty OCD, diagnosed much later, in my 20s), but the thoughts freaked me out, I felt evil and I was greatly distressed. I didn’t act on those thoughts but they so distressed me.

When I saw back then babies freely crying, freely laughing, freely just being, I got angry because I was not allowed to cry or express anything freely. I had to suppress everything day in and day out, and I was jealous/ envious of children who weren’t STOPPED from expressing. I was so envious, I wanted to stop them from having the privileges I was denied. To just be, to just breathe freely.

Looking back, I understand that I was not a bad person for feeling what I felt, for being envious and angry.. and for the (intrusive) thoughts I had.

And when I think of you having had the intrusive thoughts you had, I feel nothing but empathy for you, as well as gratitude that neither one of us acted on those thoughts.

You are a wonderful person and a wonderful mother. Thank you for.. being YOU!!!

*Please let me know if you’re okay with what I shared..???

So, the beagle is home, he’s scared, everything here is unfamiliar to him and no single dog here to welcome him (there were DOZENS where he’s from, including his parents and siblings) The car is full of vomit (too dark out to attempt to clean it). The smell is still in my nose.. But love is reaching beyond smells and mishaps. I already love him!

And, good news: so, he wouldn’t get on his newly purchased dog bed. But I gently placed sliced turkey in front of him, then placed some on his dog bed.. then more on the center of his dog bed..

And guess who is lying down on his dog bed..? (Not me, ha-ha)

🤍 🙏 🤍Anita

Dear Alessa:

I will write more Fri morning. But for now I totally agree with everything you wrote about school personnel missing signs of abuse like vomiting, fainting, digestive problems, even shyness. There are so many reactions to abuse.

🤍🤍 Anita

Be a dog mom I meant lol

Hi Q:

I am travelling today (using my phone). Tired but okay. How are you? (I won’t be able to type much until I get back home this evening (it’s morning here)

🤍