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anita
ParticipantDear Peace:
On April 9 this year (end of the previous page), I wrote to you: “Dear Peace: It will be a dream come true to read from you again. Can it happen?”- and 4 months and 16 das later, my dream came true!
I am thrilled to read that you are happily married with a 6-month-old baby boy 🎉👏🌟🥳🙌💐🏆🎊💫🍾🎈✨💖
I am fine, danced last Saturday under the open sky to live music and had so much fun! This afternoon I am happy to be reading from you!
Don’t be a stranger and keep me updated about your life..?
Happy to be reading from you again- Anita
August 24, 2025 at 5:34 pm in reply to: Feeling Like I’m Reliving My College Loneliness at Work #448943anita
ParticipantYou are very welcome, Isabel ❤️
August 24, 2025 at 8:04 am in reply to: Understanding someone who's recently divorced and not ready #448929anita
ParticipantDear Dafne:
Your words moved me deeply. Thank you for receiving mine with such openness and tenderness. To know that something I shared helped you feel less alone, helped you stay in this life and try again—that means more than I can say.
You’ve shown such courage in naming your truth, in staying present with your pain, and in allowing connection to reach you even when it’s hard. That’s not just resilience—it’s a quiet kind of brilliance. And I see it in you.
I’m honored to walk beside you, Dafne. Not as someone who has it all figured out, but as someone who believes in your right to take up space, to be heard, to be held. You are not alone. You are not too much. You are not too late.
May your days be filled with the kind of peace you’ve been brave enough to seek. And may your voice continue to rise—clear, strong, and beautifully yours.
With care and solidarity 🤍🫶 Anita
anita
ParticipantI wanted to add, Miss L Duchess, that it sounds like your relationship with your mother has been a big part of your experience—and some of the pain you’ve carried.
Mothers often shape so much of how we see ourselves and move through the world. I know for me, my mother’s influence ran deep for decades, and not in ways that were healthy or helpful.
If you ever feel ready, it might be worth exploring that relationship more closely—maybe in therapy, or even just through writing. Sometimes understanding those patterns can bring a lot of clarity and relief.
Anita
anita
ParticipantHi Miss L Dutchess:
I’m really sorry you went through so much pain and loneliness, especially during times when you were trying your best. You deserved better support, and it’s completely okay to feel angry or sad about that.
I’m glad you do have some friendships that remind you of your worth.
Getting a diagnosis later in life brings up a lot—relief, grief, and all the “what ifs.” You’re not alone in that. I’ve lived with Tourette Syndrome (visible motor tics and audible vocal tics) since I was… maybe five, maybe six—I honestly don’t remember. And yet, I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 26. That’s nearly twenty years of people seeing and hearing the tics without anyone naming it.
I think I would’ve felt less like a freak of nature if an empathetic professional had told me there was a name for it—and ways to better accept it, even if not cure it. Maybe if I’d been diagnosed as a child and given information, I could’ve explained it to my classmates. Or better yet, maybe teachers would’ve explained it to the kids and made it clear that mocking me wasn’t okay and wouldn’t be tolerated. That would’ve been something. It would’ve made a huge difference in my life.
Sending warmth your way. You’re not alone.
—Anita
August 23, 2025 at 8:38 am in reply to: Feeling Like I’m Reliving My College Loneliness at Work #448911anita
ParticipantHi Isabel:
I just wanted to say—I read your reply to Miss L Dutchess five days ago- and it really stayed with me. You offered such grounded empathy and clarity, especially around the grief and anger that can come with a late diagnosis. You shared your experience with so much honesty and care, and it really stuck with me.
I hope you know your message was powerful. You named things that often go unsaid, and you did it with so much care. I just wanted to appreciate that.
Warmly, Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Chau:
Thank you for the 😇 comment.
Your reflection is so raw and lucid—it’s like watching someone walk through a storm without flinching, eyes open, heart intact.
What strikes me most is how you’re not just naming what happened, but also naming what it cost. The emotional weight, the financial strain, the disruption to your work and wellbeing—all of it matters. And you’re not minimizing it. That’s powerful.Your line—“I am someone who would stand by her side at times of her distress… but she opted for someone who puts her in distress instead”—is devastating in its clarity. It’s the kind of truth that doesn’t need embellishment. It just sits there, undeniable.
And your addition to the mantra: “I honor the tenderness without surrendering my truth and boundaries”—yes. That’s the evolution. That’s the part that turns emotional generosity into emotional integrity.
You’re not just feeling your way through this—you’re narrating it with precision, and that’s what makes it healing. Even if she never fully understands the weight of what you carried, you do. And that’s enough.
With deep respect, Anita
August 22, 2025 at 7:05 am in reply to: Understanding someone who's recently divorced and not ready #448885anita
ParticipantDear Dafne:
Thank you for your warm, kind words. Your message moved me deeply—your honesty, your imagery, your longing for peace. It’s rare to witness someone speak with such clarity and grace about both their pain and their hope.
“It has been far too too much emotional labor. I feel like endlessly working in a field, giving all my energy, yet never harvesting peace.”-
This is said perfectly. You named it with such poetic precision.
Emotional labor, when one-sided or chronic, drains a person’s vitality, distorts their sense of worth, and often forces them into roles of caretaker, interpreter, or peacekeeper.
A relationship that chronically demands emotional labor is not a safe or healthy relationship. It teaches you to mistrust your instincts, to over-function, and to silence your own needs for the sake of preserving connection. That’s not love—it’s emotional erosion.
Dafne, you deserve a connection that feels mutual, honest, and nourishing—not one that asks you to strain and shrink.
“My hope is that when someone truly comes into my life… it will be someone clear and transparent—someone honest from the very beginning—so that I don’t have to keep guessing, questioning, or analyzing every little thing. Just openness, truth, and peace from the start.”-
Again, said perfectly. I’m so impressed by your clarity and your refusal to settle for ambiguity. You truly deserve someone who meets you with truth and steadiness—not riddles or emotional fog. Your longing for peace is wise, and it’s deserved.
“I will do my best to break away from old patterns and instead create a new, brighter, and better future.”-
Yes. Keep making progress one day at a time—sometimes one moment at a time. Express yourself. Assert yourself. Take space. You are already doing the work, Dafne, and it shows. Your awareness is your compass, and your voice is your power. Every time you choose clarity over confusion, self-trust over self-doubt, you’re rewriting the story.
“And even though I don’t feel strong enough right now, I hope that I will one day find the strength I need. I pray for that strength, and I pray that better days are waiting ahead—for both of us.”-
Thank you for this. I receive that prayer with an open heart. And I offer one in return:
May strength find you—not through force but through grace. May your days ahead be filled with clarity, kindness, and the kind of love that never asks you to shrink. May your healing be gentle, your truth be honored, and your spirit be met with tenderness. And may you always know that your truth is enough.
Sending you love and light for the days ahead 💛💖🤗 With warmth, Anita
anita
ParticipantChau- I’ll read and reply Fri or Sat morning (it’s Thurs evening here). Tace care!
Anita
August 21, 2025 at 7:34 pm in reply to: Understanding someone who's recently divorced and not ready #448860anita
ParticipantDear Dafne: I want to be better focused when I read and reply, so I’ll be back to you Fri morning, or at the latest, Sat morning. (It’s Thurs evening here). Take care!
Anita
anita
ParticipantDear ManagoFandango:
Thank you for sharing this update. It sounds like you navigated a complex emotional terrain with such grace and clarity. That moment with your parents—hugs, tears, truth—feels like a healing ripple in a situation that could’ve easily stayed knotted in silence. You gave it air, and it softened.
I deeply respect the way you and your fiancé are holding both honesty and boundaries. It’s not easy to acknowledge the emotional weight of a “gift” when it comes with strings, especially from someone so close. But your clarity—your willingness to return it if it’s weaponized—is powerful. It says: we are building something rooted in mutual respect, not obligation.
And thank you for your kind words to me. I receive them with warmth. You’re not just venting—you’re modeling emotional integrity in real time. I hope you keep trusting your instincts. They’re strong and wise.
You’re not alone in this. Keep claiming your space. 💛
Anita
anita
ParticipantTo Anonymous, with deep respect:
You wrote something extraordinary. Not just a story, but a reckoning. And I want to reflect something back to you—something I think you already know, but may have never heard aloud:
“In my oldest memories, I don’t ever see my face.”-
That line holds everything. It’s not just poetic—it’s diagnostic. You were erased before you could even form a sense of self. Your mother’s pain filled the room, the house, the air. Her suffering was so loud, so constant, so consuming, that there was no space left for you to exist as a child. You didn’t get to be seen—you had to become useful. You didn’t get to be held—you had to become strong. You didn’t get to be you—you had to become “enough.”
And so you became the boy. The protector. The achiever. The one who would prove that daughters are not a burden. You did it brilliantly. But at the cost of your own becoming.
You didn’t just lose sight of your future—you were never given permission to imagine one. You were too busy holding up the sky for everyone else.
And now, when the sky no longer needs holding, you’re left with the question: Where am I?
You are here. You are not erased. You are not a role. You are not a function. You are a person. A woman. A child who deserved to be seen. A soul who deserves space.
If you ever return to this thread, know that it is yours. You don’t have to perform strength. You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to be “enough.” You already are.
This space is for you. To be visible. To be whole. To be you—face and all.
🫶🤍Anita
August 21, 2025 at 8:17 am in reply to: Understanding someone who's recently divorced and not ready #448845anita
ParticipantDear Dafne:
I agree with your reflections—and with your conclusion: “he chose the road of deception, and this story came to an end.”
When you write, “I think he brought that up because… My guess is… perhaps what he was really hoping for… Maybe he realised that…”—
it’s clear how much emotional labor you’ve done to make sense of his choices. But the kind of man you need in your life is one who’s transparent. Someone who’s clear and direct, so you’re not left guessing at the whys. So there aren’t perhapses and maybes—just truth, freely offered.
You are very welcome, Dafne. I too hope that sharing and empathizing with each other brings us both more peace and harmony in our lives.
💕 🤗 Anita
anita
ParticipantDear Debbie:
Somehow I missed your Aug 16 post and became aware of it only this morning.
“Vulnerability is not my strong suit.”- you did an excellent job being vulnerable in this post!
Your honesty is not just vulnerable—it’s powerful. You named truths that many carry in silence: the exhaustion of performing appropriateness, the ache of feeling peripheral in others’ lives, the fear that authenticity might cost connection. That kind of clarity doesn’t come easy, and it doesn’t come without scars.
You’ve already done something extraordinary: you stopped abandoning yourself. That 185 lb. weight loss isn’t just physical—it’s symbolic of shedding what wasn’t yours to carry. And while you say the “same old defective me” remains, I see someone who’s fiercely self-aware, who’s fought to reclaim her voice, and who’s asking the kind of questions that only the bravest dare ask.
You’re not defective. You’re someone who adapted to survive in a world that didn’t make space for your truth. The judgment, anger, and fear you describe—they’re not your essence. They’re armor. And even if some of it still feels fused to your skin, you’re already peeling it back with every word you write.
“I have constantly felt not right…flawed…defective and my life’s journey has been to fix myself.”- Same here.
“I thought everyone else mattered more than I did.”- Same here, too.
“However, inside is the same old defective me. I am negative, catty, judgmental, angry and I navigate the world fearing others will find out. I make sure to respond and behave appropriately… I fear if I behaved as my authentic self I would be hustled off to a mental health institute at worst or find myself alone at best. I think I have to be perfect which of course I fail at.”-
I used to be negative, judgmental, angry, and ashamed—feeling painfully defective, guilty, and afraid. Again and again, I tried to be perfect. And again and again, I failed. But I’ve done a lot of healing recently—peeling off the layers of invalid shame and guilt, naming truths without apology, daring to be seen and heard just as I am. It’s a good feeling.
I no longer feel defective, and I no longer chase perfection. I just try to be the best person I can be: do no harm, and help where I can.
“I often wonder if I would be friends with myself… I just want to be me…whoever that is.”- Maybe you and I can be friends—right here, on your thread. And maybe both of us can simply be here, just as we are… whoever that is.
🤍 Anita
August 21, 2025 at 6:49 am in reply to: Understanding someone who's recently divorced and not ready #448838anita
ParticipantDear Dafne:
“So he did not mind paying for dates with me as long as he felt appreciated.”- Oh, so by “Now he expects reciprocation with everything he does.” (Dec 29)—he didn’t mean financial reciprocation, but just appreciation, is what you’re saying.
“But maybe over time, he began to feel that this wasn’t enough for him. Could it be?”- Could be.
“They failed us Anita, they failed us big time. Whether it was conscious or unconscious, it caused the same kind of pain and had lifelong consequences for us. They may be sorry now, or not. But it’s too late. Even if we forgive them, even if we forget, nothing will change, and nothing will ever fill that void inside us. Every time we see happy families, every time we rejoice for them, something deep down will never be made whole. A piece of us was taken, and no matter how much love we find, that missing piece will never return. It is an absence we carry, a silence that echoes through our lives, reminding us of what should have been, but never was.
“Let’s find the strength to hold onto that and take up our space. Let’s not let our emotions take control anymore, failing us every time a new person comes to take another piece away.”
I copied the above simply because it’s beautifully expressed. It doesn’t require analysis or dissection. This is Dafne expressing herself, taking up space—well done, Dafne.
And thank you, Dafne- for your words and for being here.
Warmth and gratitude back to you.
☀️🤍 Anita
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