Interesting that you picked up on it. It crossed my mind that you used her as an escape during my last post to you, but then I thought, no, or at least not fully, that the two of you had meaningful exchanges. So, really, it’s not one thing OR another, it’s this and that and this other thing.

How are you, The Ruminant, after almost 12 years to the day of posting this thread?

🤍 Anita

* edit: if we want to put an end to some of the negative consequences

Good morning, Confused 🙂

In regard to “something is missing/not right”-

You mentioned OCD and depression a few times, beginning in your very first post here (“I have started therapy with someone that specializes in ocd/depression”, Dec 19).

It’s common that people with OCD (I was one) describe a strong internal tension like: ‘This isn’t complete.’ ‘This doesn’t feel right.’ ‘I need to fix this.’, ‘Something is off and I can’t relax.’

The feeling itself — “something is missing/not right” — can appear in other emotional states, such as in anxiety and depression. But in OCD, the “not right” sensation is usually followed by a strong urge to fix it, such as checking, re-reading, re-thinking, mentally reviewing, seeking reassurance, trying to get the ‘perfect’ feeling.

The person feels driven to do something until the internal tension goes down. It’s not just discomfort — it’s pressure.

People with OCD often know nothing is actually wrong, but the feeling is so strong that it overrides logic. It feels like: ‘I know this makes no sense, but I can’t shake it.’, I need to fix this even though I know it’s irrational.’ That mismatch — insight + compulsion — is very characteristic of OCD.

In OCD, the goal is to get the right feeling, the person often tries to reach a sense of ‘rightness’, ‘completion’, ‘certainty’. It’s not about solving a real problem — it’s about chasing an internal sensation.

In other contexts, people don’t chase a ‘perfect feeling.’ They’re just distressed or confused. The feeling (“something is missing/not right”) doesn’t create compulsions.

In one sentence, in OCD, the “something is missing/not right” feeling creates a compulsive drive to fix or complete something, even when the person knows it doesn’t make sense. In depression, it is about loss of emotional connection, of an internal spark, a feeling of aliveness and missing the old (not depressed) self.

It’s an internal emptiness without a compulsion/ drive to fix or complete something. The feeling doesn’t demand a specific mental or physical action. It’s uncomfortable, distressing, maybe confusing, but not compulsive.

Maybe this distinction is helpful, what do you think, Confused?

🤍 Anita

I want to add, I have communicated via a private email with about a dozen + tiny members over the years, still ongoing with only one member.

My best communication was with members on tb forums, right here.

So, I prefer these public forums. It’s just that if you think a private forum is advantageous, you are welcome to offer me a private email.

🤍 Anita

Dear Q:

The most important thing 👏 is that you’re doing well, that you are less anxious and better at regulating emotions. I am thrilled 😊 to read this, this Fri evening.

Of course, I am curious about recent events, but I understand your discomfort sharing about it in a public forum. I qouldn’t mind communicating with you on email, if it’d be helpful to you (?)

If it might, you are welcome to give me an email address I can write to. Otherwise, we can talk here about anything you want to talk about.

🤍 Anita

Brilliant point 👉 about patience, Confused! You need Time and Patience T&P-P (T&P-Pressure). The pressure to understand, to figure it out.. that’s in your way.

Do your best to not fight within yourself anymore, to rush. Give yourself a break, a vacation, please 🙏

🤍 🤔 👀 😊 Anita

Dear Robi (part 4, final part for today):

Copilot to Robi (and remember, Robi, the last input it received was from Feb 19, 2024): Someone in your position can begin to shift these patterns by first recognizing them clearly. Understanding that your reactions were shaped by your environment helps reduce self‑blame.

Building a sense of self happens slowly, through small choices and small acts of independence. Setting emotional boundaries — even tiny ones — helps separate your needs from your parents’ expectations.

Allowing yourself to feel both anger and longing makes space for healing, because both emotions are natural responses to inconsistent caregiving. And forming relationships where you are seen as an equal, not a child, can gradually rewrite your internal map of what closeness can feel like. Over time, you can build a life that feels larger, freer, and more your own than the one you grew up in.