Dear Tee:

You are very welcome, Tee 🫶 🤍!

“It’s not so much fear that I feel, but discomfort, since it’s not pleasant to not get along, to have tension in relationships, including in online communication. But sometimes we must say something, and so, it was unpleasant, but what I felt compelled to do.”-

I am glad you did! And I agree, it’s unpleasant to have tension in relationships, and better avoid tension. But sometimes it’d be wrong to not address wrong things that people say or do.

“Oh, okay.. to be honest, I am a little surprised to hear this, because you’ve been sharing in the past 3 months as well as earlier about your pervasive fear that you felt towards your mother as a child: fear of her killing you or herself, fear of her scolding and physical abuse, fear to speak openly (the episode with your uncle Morris, when she was looking at you threateningly and so you didn’t dare to answer his question honestly), and many other episodes. It didn’t seem like you were dissociated from that fear, but very much in the grips of it. So, I don’t quite understand?”-

Thank you for noticing things and asking. Yes, I’ve been expressing fear of her but the dissociation during childhood and onward was so pervasive and long term that there’s just so much to EX-press, to undo the suppression or repression.

Expression is not a one-time event or a 10- times-event, it’s ongoing.

I don’t know how much you remember of your childhood, but if I played all my memories of childhood and adolescence like in a movie, I think it’d be an hour movie at the most, maybe 10 minutes, I am not sure. There are moments I remember, and so much that I don’t. I think it’s called childhood amnesia.

Does this help you understand, Tee?

“Regarding your desire to save your mother, you said… Yes, that’s what you rationally know that she was a perpetrator. However, you’ve shared that for the longest time you believed she was a victim (both your victim and everyone else’s victim), because you believed her narrative. You said that you wanted to be her hero, someone who will save her from her predicament.”- correct.

“But what I was specifically referring to is a corrective exercise that you shared on Nov 1, 2025, where you were recalling the scene from your school, when your mother was yelling at your music teacher.

“In this exercise you imagined that you would be taken away from her to a safer place/home. But your LGA didn’t like that idea – she was worried what would happen to your mother: “LGA: HELP MY MOTHER. Her pain was Everything… Who will take care of My Mother?”- This is what made me believe that there was a part of you who wanted to save your mother, even till very recently. And so that’s what I was referring to..”-

As I read my own words just now (and thank you for caring to bring them up), I felt some elevated tension in my body, on one hand, but on the other, I felt removed from those words, as in being passed those thoughts and emotions. Perhaps I processed/ expressed those enough to let them go.

“Good to hear that! 🤍”- 🙏 🤍

“Sorry to hear about your bladder infection… but it should clear up nicely, with antibiotics. I hope it’s getting better by now 🤞”- 🙏. I’m afraid I need to get antibiotics. I hope it doesn’t require a visit to a doctor!

“I’m very happy about the progress with Bogart: that he hasn’t vomited in the car, isn’t scared of the taproom, and is more willing to socialize with people and other small dogs. That’s a really great development, Anita! 🙏 As Alessa said, it shows you know how to treat him in a positive, calming way, which makes you a great dog mom 😊”- 🙏🙏🙏 I am a dog mom and reading your words right here brought the first smile to my face and it’s almost noon.

Take good care of yourself, Tee, you deserve the best care!

🤍 🫶 🙏 🫶 🤍Anita