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anita

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 4,686 total)
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  • in reply to: A Personal Reckoning #452535
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tee:

    “Thank you so much for your prayers”- let’s keep praying for each other!

    “You said you’ve recently started to pray again, and I see it as good sign, an opening towards something beyond, an opening that was closed due to the hopelessness of your life with your mother? You said you used to pray as a child (sorry, forgot what it was that you prayed for: for your pain to stop, but also for your mother, right?)”-

    I prayed for her to not kill herself. I didn’t pray for “my pain” because in my mind she existed, I didn’t; her pain existed big-time.. I didn’t. It was all about her. She was center stage, I was nowhere to be seen.

    “but your prayers got unanswered, and so you stopped praying… and stopped believing, I guess?”- It was answered, looking back, in the sense that she remained alive.. (alive to continue to torture me)

    “I’m so sorry about the loss of the winery… it seems it’s been operating with a loss for some time, given that you’ve been trying to sell it? I hope the money you got for it is not just a tiny fraction of what was invested”-

    Thank you, Tee. The expenses were so huge (including a huge regular pay into insurance in case there’ll be lawsuits, and so many, many other costs), that there was never a profit to reach the few owners of the business.

    The new owners have done their best to minimize the tiny fraction.

    “but I can imagine it’s a very bad feeling, not just from the financial standpoint, but also because it was something you invested a lot of your hard work and effort, and yet, it couldn’t be sustained 😢”-

    My goodness, Tee- I worked so much.. picking apples into huge bins, dropping rotten apples (which were not picked, later in the season) off the many thousand of trees (41 acres), picking corn and squash from the fields where they were grown, weeding, removing the plastic and tubes from the fields after the picking of squash; pruning trees, cutting invasive blackberries and Mullens… washing dishes, drying dishes, cleaning bathroom, dusting, wiping surfaces, sweeping, vacuuming.. moving heavy tables and chairs from here to there many (many!) dozens of times (for events) and so much more, depending on the need, day in and day out.

    “But it’s good to hear that you’re not in an immediate danger of losing your home, and that you’re not too worried about it”- I am not. BUT I neglected it big-time, being focused on the winery.. Just got mice traps after horrifying meeting with mice in the last couple of nights.. which added to my anxiety!

    “Yes! I hope there’s a plan for the post-winery period, which includes the financial dealings and never becoming homeless! 🤞 🙏”- thank you, Tee. First plan: CLEAN, ORGANIZE, REMOVE the too much stuff laying everywhere.. and mice (if I come across a rat in the house, I’ll be beside-beside-beside myself, scared to death!)

    “As for the situation with the taproom owner… I understand your anger and disappointment that people didn’t feel too much empathy, and didn’t bother to pay a visit (except 2 of them) before the winery’s final closing 😕”-

    And the people who did show up, quite a few- were looking for freebies, or the lowest cost purchases from a dying/ closing business, like vultures.

    “I’m sorry you’re thinking of never going to the taproom again, since that’s the place where you’ve forged some good relationships.. but I understand that if only 2 out of dozens of people there showed interest in the winery’s destiny, that you don’t feel like socializing with them again…

    “I’m sorry this has affected you so much.. I guess you’ve been anticipating the sale of the winery for some time, but you haven’t anticipated that people would be so neutral about it, not really empathizing with you, not bothering to come and visit. I guess that’s what really hurts…😕”-

    I was in denial of sorts that it was really on sale. I was hoping for a miracle.

    “But yeah, try to remain cool-headed in terms of figuring out your next steps and making the best possible decision, considering the circumstances.”- well, I got mice traps… Oh, by the way, found a dead rat at the winery this afternoon, removed it with a broom, threw it in the fields.. couldn’t stop smelling it for a while.. May I not come across a rat here, in the house (scared face emoji).

    “Wishing you strength and good fortune in this new chapter 🙏 I know it’s not what you wanted, but there isn’t much you can do about it but to accept it, and try to make the best of it..🙏 🤍 🫶”-

    Thank you, Tee. Tomorrow, Thurs., Dec 4.. I will no longer have access to the winery, and the day after, Friday, the day I’ve been there every Fri for 4 years meeting customers.. I won’t be there. This change, this shift is devastating.. but I think I’m adjusting to it tonight. I think I’m starting to relax into this new reality.

    🙏 🤍 🫶 Anita

    in reply to: Real Spirituality #452534
    anita
    Participant

    Hi Peter:

    “Hi Anita, A challenge accepted… Does that make sense?”- no, not at the moment..

    “When I first began dancing, there were moments when the music carried me, no counting, no measuring, only flow… Later, as lessons multiplied, I chased the flow by trying to perform correctly, and the experience of flow vanished. Until one night, weary and forgetting myself, the dance remembered me.”- this does make sense!

    In that dancing-sense, I’ll take your counter challenge:

    “A monk asked the master, ‘From where does the path arise?’ The master replied, ‘From the source, like a river from the mountain.’ The monk pressed further, ‘Then may I walk back to the mountain?’ The master shook his head: ‘When the river flows, it does not climb. The mountain is not behind you; it is beneath your every step.’

    “Then, write a short story of what a day in flow might look like for you.”-

    A day in the flow would be like being like a child, pre-trauma, running on green fields with arms outstretched, a smile 🙂 on my face, and no fear. Coming across other children on the way.. here’s young Peter, hugging him, smiling at each other, Trust.

    “After that, reflect on why you doubt its possibility. There’s no right or wrong answer.”- Well.. hmm…Will you run with me, by my side, on a green field under a gentle sun (flow)..

    This is my best in-flow, mountain beneath my step answer 🙂

    In-flow Anita

    in reply to: Life Worth Living- what is it like? #452533
    anita
    Participant

    * I just noticed, Gerald, that my earlier reply to you was reported for inappropriate content.. any idea about it?

    in reply to: Life Worth Living- what is it like? #452532
    anita
    Participant

    Thank you, Gerard!

    I am sitting at the winery right now, by the pellet stove, warm, although my fingers are very cold because I came back from the outside a short time ago, having collected things from the inside, papers, cards, memories and placed them in a garbage back in the back of the pickup truck. Tomorrow is the day when ownership is officially transferred. Sitting here drinking.. guess what? (wine, lol)

    So, you too love yourself more in your 50s and 60s so far- that’s wonderful!

    “Key is human interactions_ exactly! A big-time key, so very essential.

    Looking forward to reading your next reflections.

    🤍 Anita

    in reply to: A Personal Reckoning #452526
    anita
    Participant

    Oh, I just saw your recent message with all the white hearts, THANK YOU!!!

    in reply to: A Personal Reckoning #452524
    anita
    Participant

    I will reply to you later, Alessa

    in reply to: A Personal Reckoning #452523
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Tee:

    I pray that you are okay and not in pain.

    “As for the situation with the taproom owner, have you ever invited him to come visit the winery? Was he promising but never got to actually do it?”-

    No to both questions. It bothered me in the past that we were good customers in his business (the taproom, for years) and he never came by to the winery, never a customer.. not even coming by to look at it. But somehow, I suppressed that disappointment and it erupted (the disappointment) yesterday for the first time.. because it’s really closed, no more days with customers and friends. The finality of it hit me yesterday.

    About praying, as a child, I prayed to the stars: “Please keep my mother alive”. I had no experience with the Jewish religion other than eating religious holiday foods and- on Saturday mornings- hearing prayers from a synagogue, at a distance.

    In my 20s, I came across a born-again Christian in Israel, and the “Jews for Jesus” group in Israel (the 1980s) and later, got together with a born again Christian community in LA- and there, I learned to pray.. “In Jesus Name”. I am not necessarily a Christian, but that’s my only context of praying (other than to the stars).

    At this very moment, I am hearing a troubling conversation.. the new owners are greedy and causing problems.. this is a NIGHTMARE! I need a heavy duty tranquilizer.. alcohol is not doing it for me.

    Sorry for this negative message. It’s like.. Well, I have to go down there and help move things around..

    Please pray for me, Tee.. please do. My anxiety is very elevated, my tics intense.. I am trying to calm myself down…

    Please do pray for me.

    Anita

    in reply to: Real Spirituality #452520
    anita
    Participant

    Hi Peter:

    “I wonder if all these labels are simply the mind insisting on complexity, a restless attempt to weave patterns where simplicity already breathes..”- can you breathe some simplicity into your post right above, so that I can understand it?

    I mean, without metaphors and stories.. just say it as simply as possible, like you were telling it to a child? (I asked you something like this before, and you did a good job explaining back then).

     🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #452519
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Q:

    “And to be honest with you the biggest fight that we had was back in Jan and that’s the only thing i can recall that would trigger her to walk on eggshells? And to be clear I was never physically abusive or verbally abusive.”-

    I am curious, what happened in that biggest fight..? Did you break things, destroy property.. were you very loud, yelling at her..???

    🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Life Worth Living- what is it like? #452518
    anita
    Participant

    This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.

    Dear Gerard:

    A reply I submitted to you a few hours ago didn’t go trough. I’ll rewrite it:

    Thank you for sharing your heart felt reflections with me!

    “I am in my mid 60s… I have not reflected deeply on our relationship in well over 30 years…. You were my first true love… You were 17 and I was 19… I remember making out on your couch, I remember your yellow cardigan & the smell of your hair, I remember your wet hair… You played a massive role in my life, the first taste of the possibility of love and a relationship. You are always in my heart, and I hope you had a wonderful, healthy & fulfilled live.”-

    Seems to me, Gerard, that you are missing your youth and longing to go back there, if there was a way; longing for how you used to feel, at least at times: raw, intense, hopeful.. New things were new and exciting, and promising.. a “Life Worth living” (the title of my thread where you chose to post your reflections).

    I am close to your age and in the last few years (before a current crisis I am going through in the last few days), I felt younger than I felt when I was a teenager, and on an ongoing basis, and I experienced more love for people than ever before.

    What would make you feel young again, Gerard, what would make it a Life Worth living- for you?

    🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #452510
    anita
    Participant

    “She brought up a lot of things from the past, which is a bad habit of hers… In hindsight, one of the things I didn’t really like about the relationship was how she wasn’t able to easily move past things and forgive me. And it’s not as if I did serious things like cheating or physical abuse. It was things like miscommunication or saying something that was tactless or rubbed her the wrong way… I’ve just concluded that we’re very likely not compatible for one another”-

    Dear Q:

    The habitual behavior you described on her part wouldn’t be compatible with anyone because it’s abusive. It seems like you are only now becoming aware of the harm that this kind of behavior caused you (and would cause anyone)?

    Actually, referring to the title of your thread, it’d cause anyone to be stressed and anxious, maybe walking on eggshells, afraid of the next time you would say something imperfectly, something that would rub her the wrong way.

    My mother behaved the way you described her behaving and I was therefore a “Stressed and anxious” child and.. still, the anxiety is in my body.

    What do you think- feel, Q?

    🤍 Anita

    in reply to: Real Spirituality #452509
    anita
    Participant

    Hello Everyone:

    From Free Will in Necessity and Contingency (planksip. org):

    “The human experience is a constant navigation between what must be and what might be. At the heart of this navigation lies one of philosophy’s most enduring and profound debates: the struggle between Fate and Free Will, framed by the powerful concepts of Necessity and Contingency…

    The concept of Fate posits a predetermined sequence of events, an inescapable destiny that unfolds regardless of individual desires or efforts. It often implies a cosmic blueprint, a grand design, or an inexorable chain of cause and effect that dictates every outcome…

    Deterministic Worldview: Philosophical fatalism is closely allied with determinism, the view that all events, including human actions, are ultimately determined by causes external to the will. If every event is the inevitable consequence of prior events, then where does choice fit in?

    In stark contrast stands Free Will, the cherished belief that humans possess the capacity to make genuine choices, to initiate actions, and to steer their own course. It is the feeling of agency, the conviction that ‘I chose this,’ that underpins our sense of moral responsibility and personal achievement.

    Many philosophers argue that Free Will is a prerequisite for morality. If we are not free to choose between right and wrong, how can we be held accountable for our actions?

    Self-Determination: The idea of self-determination, of shaping one’s character and future through conscious decisions, is a powerful motivator and a cornerstone of human dignity.

    To fully appreciate the debate between Fate and Free Will, we must understand the fundamental distinction between Necessity and Contingency. These concepts provide the philosophical framework for discussing the nature of existence itself.

    Necessity refers to anything that must be the case, that cannot be otherwise. An event is necessary if its non-occurrence is impossible, either logically, physically, or metaphysically…

    Contingency, on the other hand, describes events or states of affairs that may or may not be. A contingent event is one whose non-occurrence is possible; it depends on other factors, and its opposite is conceivable. While not purely random, contingent events often involve elements that are not strictly predetermined, leaving room for possibility, chance, or genuine choice.

    The existence of contingency is crucial for arguments supporting Free Will. If our choices are genuinely contingent, then they are not necessitated by prior causes, allowing for genuine agency.

    Ancient Perspectives on Fate and Will-… Stoics like Epictetus and Seneca emphasized the freedom of our internal will – our ability to choose our attitude and response to events, even if the events themselves are fated. Amor fati (love of one’s fate) was their path to tranquility.

    Aristotle: In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle explored voluntary and involuntary actions, laying groundwork for understanding choice. He acknowledged that while some things are necessary, many human actions are contingent, dependent on deliberation and choice, thus affirming a degree of will…

    Baruch Spinoza: A radical determinist, Spinoza in his Ethics argued that everything in the universe, including human actions, follows from the eternal and necessary nature of God (or Nature). Free Will is an illusion, born of our ignorance of the true causes of our desires. True freedom lies in understanding this necessity…

    * Fatalism: Events are predetermined, All events are ultimately necessary. (Ancient Greeks, some religious views)
    * Determinism: All events are caused by prior events. All events are necessary consequences. (Spinoza, Laplace)
    * Libertarianism: Humans have genuine free will. Human choices are genuinely contingent.(Kant, many contemporary philosophers)…

    The debate over Fate vs. Free Will, and the underlying framework of Necessity and Contingency, carries profound implications for how we live our lives and understand our place in the cosmos.

    Moral Responsibility: If all our actions are fated or necessitated, can we truly be held responsible for our choices? The concept of justice, praise, and blame hinges on the belief in genuine will.

    Personal Growth and Effort: Why strive for self-improvement or pursue difficult goals if the outcome is already written? The belief in contingency fuels our ambition and effort… Conversely, Free Will allows us to actively create our own meaning and purpose…

    Conclusion: An Enduring Inquiry- The tension between Fate and Free Will, illuminated by the concepts of Necessity and Contingency, remains one of philosophy’s most fertile grounds for inquiry. There are no easy answers, and perhaps, no single definitive resolution. Instead, the journey through these ideas forces us to confront fundamental questions about causality, human agency, moral responsibility, and the very nature of reality. Whether we lean towards the comforting order of necessity or the empowering potential of contingency, this enduring debate continues to shape our understanding of what it means to be human, to make choices, and to live a life imbued with purpose.”

    I definitely want to think about this debate further. But for now, I am definitely a big fan of Free Will but I realize that awareness of what’s behind our feelings, preferences, actions.. even our thinking (that which we haven’t chosen) is necessary for the exercise of Free Will.

    For example: a child abused by a parent may grow up to be a people pleasing adult. The people pleasing is not free will, it’s a consequence of the unchosen circumstances & other people’s behaviors.

    To change this behavior, the person needs to be aware of where it came from and imagine a different way. The people pleasing is a Necessity (cannot be otherwise) until awareness kicks in and the people pleasing becomes “Contingency” (can be otherwise).

    Anita

    in reply to: Feelings for co worker? #452494
    anita
    Participant

    .. WhatsApp IS free, as far as I know.. No charge at all since I’ve used it internationally.

    Before What’s App, buying minutes.. it was multiple hours for 20 dollars… inexpensive, but not zero charge like WhatsApp.

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #452493
    anita
    Participant

    … that gets reactivated?

    in reply to: Stressed and anxious #452492
    anita
    Participant

    It’s the pre-existing Guilt in you that keeps showing up.. guilt before you met her that get’s reactivated”

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 4,686 total)