Continued sooner than later:

Only my mother 👩 (understandably) didn’t view me as her guide. I was only a child. She didn’t value me that way.

It was only in my view that I could have been her guide. It was my delusion, my false, wishful, magical belief.

So, I kept “guiding” her, and she kept ignoring and dismissing my “guidance”.

She, my mother, she never looked up to me.. I was only a child, a child who mistakenly thought she was an adult.

More later.

🤍 👩 ✨️ Anita

I mean, I could have said that to you for free, but it doesn’t take years and years of schooling and a professional diploma to know that telling an overthinker to STOP it is the silliest thing you can say 😔

Dear Zenith:

I want to talk about empathy in general because what you wrote 3 days ago (“Dealing with kids needs lot empathy which I lack.”) stayed with me:

First, no one — literally no one — feels empathetic every moment. Empathy depends on such things as emotional energy, stress levels, and what’s happening in someone’s life. Empathy fluctuates the same way patience, focus, or motivation do.

When someone is anxious, their brain goes into self‑protection mode. That means they’re focused on their own fears, their nervous system is on high alert, and they have less capacity to tune into others; to feel empathy for others.

It’s not that they don’t care — it’s that their system is overwhelmed.

Depression can also blunt empathy. It often causes emotional numbness, low energy, difficulty connecting, feeling “shut down”, and having trouble caring about anything, including themselves. When someone is struggling to feel their own emotions, it’s harder to feel others’; that is, to feel empathy for others. This doesn’t mean someone is selfish or cold. It means their emotional resources are low

Empathy returns when the person feels safer, calmer, and more regulated.

I hope that you are feeling better this Sunday evening.

🤍 Anita

Hi, Dear Emma 🙂:

So good reading from you again and even better, good to read that you will be back 🙂

No need to apologize and thank you for the best wishes for the year 🙏 I am fine, got a new dog (my first ever). His name is Bogart and he’s adorable.

I am sorry that you went through another painful breakup ☹️

When you feel more energetic, or when- and if- you want to talk about the recent breakup, or about anything else, I am here.

🤍 Anita

Hi Laura:

Welcome to the forums, I am glad you posted 🙂

A month is all it took him to figure that the two of you are going to have kids, travel the world and grow old together…?

Instead of getting to know you slowly, he’s imagining a whole future with someone he barely knows.

Well, his is not unusual that teens jump into “future fantasy mode” quickly — talking about marriage, kids, forever — because it feels exciting and romantic. It may be a combination of immaturity, idealization, inexperience and perhaps an anxious or clingy attachment style, on his part.

The way he talks about your future together can feel sweet at times, but it can also create pressure. Even if he doesn’t mean to, that kind of intensity so early on can make any person on the receiving end feel guilty or trapped, like you’re responsible for protecting his feelings. You’re not. His emotions are his to manage.

It makes total sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed. You’re not doing anything wrong by realizing your feelings have changed — What is important is being honest, because staying in a relationship you don’t want will only make you feel worse and will confuse him even more.

It also sounds like you two want very different things, and that’s okay. Liking different lifestyles, values, or even hair choices doesn’t make either of you bad people — it just means you’re not the right match. You don’t have to stay with someone just because he likes you a lot.

You don’t need a dramatic breakup speech. Something simple and kind is enough, like: “I realized my feelings have changed, and I don’t want to lead you on. You’re a good person, but I don’t think this relationship is right for me.”

It might feel scary, but being honest now is kinder than pretending. And your best friend dating his best friend doesn’t mean you’re trapped — their relationship isn’t your responsibility.

You’re allowed to choose what feels right for you.

🤍 Anita

Dear Alessa:

Thank you for your kindness, Alessa 🙏 Oh, no, I wasn’t at all offended by your advice in regard to 🐕Bogart. On the contrary, I appreciate it. Every time I’m in the car with him I make sure the windows are partly open so that he can have fresh air (you suggested it would help with his anxiety).

I am sorry to read that your son has been having an irritable, difficult day. I hope tomorrow will be a better day for the two of you 😊

Not writing in my own thread is a good thing for now. In regard to my weekend: it was nice spending some time in the taproom yesterday late afternoon. Still early Sunday morning here and will be going for a walk with Bogart in a local park that’s perfect for walking dogs. So, that would be the highlight of my day, I predict.

* In regard to world doomsday predictions: it’s well known that a lot of videos online, especially on YouTube, tend to make everything sound much scarier than it really is. Fear gets clicks, so the dramatic predictions get pushed to the top. It’s easy for anyone to feel overwhelmed after watching too much of that.

It’s important to remember that a lot of the economic and geopolitical content online is designed to amplify fear because fear keeps people watching. Watching those feed fear. It’s helpful to not let the internet’s more dramatic- catastrophizing corners shape our emotional reality.

I try to remind myself that the world is always more balanced than the extreme voices make it seem. Yes, there are serious challenges, but there are also many systems and people working quietly to keep things stable. We don’t hear about that as much because it’s not exciting.

For me, it helps to focus on what we can actually control — learning useful skills, staying connected to the people around us, and staying present. Humans have lived through so many uncertain times, and we always find ways to adapt.

I really like what you said, Alessa, about passing on skills and resilience to the next generation. That feels like a healthy, constructive way to think about the future.

I wish you and your son a good evening and a restful night ahead 😴 🌙 ⭐ 💤

🤍 Anita

Oh, dear Alessa: I wrote “give me a shout”, an American saying – as I know it.

But you are quiet, you told me. You don’t shout ☺️ – so whenever you want my input on anything, just whisper it- in any of your threads or in any of mine, including the “Reconnecting” one that I started just for you.

When you address a post to me, I will answer every time.

🤍🌙🙏💙👍 Anita