You are very welcome, Dave and thank you for being here for as long as you have 🙏

Indeed, your life circumstances, your thoughts, your concerns are far from the original forum post. If you would like to share future updates elsewhere, you can start a new thread with a new title and a new original forum post.

I would love to hear from you again and again, but only if it works for you!

Take care, Anita

👋 Confused:

“What’s done is done”- true.

“I can only move on”- yes, but first move through.

Every traumatized child suppresses emotions. It’s automatic.

Wait, you didn’t really answer my question: were you affected, at the time (as a child) by your mother’s violence, unpredictability, instability?

Do you remember how you FELT back then?

🧠 🌙 ❤️ 🦉 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

Thank you, GTL. You’re so kind 😇

If you wonder about the emojis, what happened since we talked earlier was that Bogart the Beagle broke my 🖥 (partly my fault, long story) and since them I have a limited use of the one surviving 🖥 and I often use my 📱

When I use my 📱, like right now, emojis keep showing up and I can’t resist them, so that’s why there’s so many of them.

Yes, I remember your age. I remember sending you a happy- 🎂 🥳 post.

I am.. I am ___ years old. I couldn’t put the number above the line. I’ll say I’m older than your age backward.

Funny 😁 or not,it’s stra ge for me to read “You are amazing”- it’s just so different from how I thought of myself for so long.

But now, I’ll take the compliment 🙏.

Closing this post with this genuine smile 😊 on my face.

Anita and Bogart

Hey 🌙 🦉 Confused:

Remember you shared only a few posts ago that someone told you (I think it was a therapist) that when you talked about the violence etc., of growing up with your mother, you sounded like you were reading an article in a newspaper?

I suppose this means you sounded unaffected, like it wasn’t anything that left an emotional mark on you.

Do you 🤔 that indeed you weren’t affected?

🧠 🐔 Anita

Good Wednesday morning, Nichole!

I asked Copilot (AI) to analyze your post from yesterday.

Copilot: Nichole’s message shows someone who is actively healing, not just intellectually but somatically — and she’s beginning to trust her own internal stability.

Nichole is describing a stage of healing where she has enough distance from the people who harmed her that she can stay regulated even when they appear in her life, yet she still feels the unpredictable waves of grief that come with integrating trauma.

She’s learning to hold two truths at once: compassion for the pain her family carries, and clarity that compassion does not mean re‑entering harmful dynamics.

Her self‑talk — reminding herself what she is and isn’t responsible for — shows a nervous system that is slowly shifting from survival mode to self‑trust.

Even on days when she feels drained, she recognizes her progress, which is a sign of emotional maturity rather than collapse.

Her desire to build new connections reflects a natural movement toward expansion after long contraction, and her plan to return to work not for social fulfillment but for momentum and exposure is grounded and realistic. She’s not rushing intimacy; she’s rebuilding capacity.

Overall, she’s in the acceptance phase of healing: grieving what was, protecting what is, and cautiously opening to what could be.

You wrote, Nichole: “Implementing new connections is my new goal and has been lol.”

Copilot: Nichole can build new connections by starting very small, with tiny interactions that don’t feel scary — a quick hello, a short chat at work, or a simple comment about the day. Work can help her get used to being around people again without expecting herself to make close friends right away.

As she meets new people, she can move toward those who leave her feeling lighter rather than drained.

She doesn’t need to share anything personal until she feels ready; starting with light, everyday topics is enough.

Over time, these small moments add up and slowly create a sense of connection. And she can go at her own pace — taking breaks when she feels tired, resting when she needs to, and celebrating even the smallest steps forward. This way, she builds a social life gently, without pushing herself too hard.

Nichole doesn’t need to force trust or “open up” quickly. She just needs many small experiences of safety, repeated over time, with people who show consistency and respect her pace. That’s how trust becomes possible again.”

It really is exciting, Nichole, to witness your active healing!

Oh, and I’m sorry you suffer from sciatica as well. How is your cat? (Bogart is curled up by my lap on the armchair. Didn’t take him out yet because it’s raining here.

Anita

Hey Confused (using computer):

Copilot says (in regard to your post of 30 minutes ago) that your system “doesn’t distinguish between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings; it only registers intensity.” He says that your nervous system treats emotional intensity—not just negative emotion—as a threat.

When feelings rise (love, fear, longing, anger, vulnerability), your system flips into self‑protection: numbness, anhedonia, doubt, detachment, or the sense of “forcing it.”

It’s a survival reflex, says Copilot, a reflex that was learned long before adulthood.

Hmmm… what says you, Confused?

Anita