Before all this happened i was feeling very lucky to have found her, for so many reasons that i am now not able to appreciate/feel, it’s as if even if u give me a million dollars right now, i can’t care/feel happy.

Oh yeah i know this fear is not because of her and that she can’t heal it, it’s my own wounds and past. But i have motivation to heal for her, otherwise i don’t really care because i’m not really gonna be interested in love after her, too much hassle haha, not gonna try and find another girl with similar traits (and im talking about character stuff, not appearance) because it’s rare and i think i’m tired of relationships, especially after all those things that came up with me now.

Tbh anita, i don’t remember feeling love for anyone in the past. I dont know what love is and now i am trying to “feel” / acknowledge it with her, because she loves me and she’s great to me but it’s like those things fly past me, like it’s a language that i don’t speak. I think it’s because i’m used to chaos and trying to win them over. I dont know how slow love feels like, when i was younger i was proudly saying: “If it’s not burning me up from the inside, i don’t want it”, oh how mistaken i was haha.

Gemini tells me that what i give her, is what i need to give my inner child. Whenever i cry and think of her and go in my mind “my sweet baby, u did nothing wrong”, this is what i have to say to my inner child. It seems so weird!