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I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love

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  • August 1, 2026 at 9:12 pm #459804
    Confused
    Participant

    I also took part at a giveaway with two iPhone 17s, i was planning on gifting it to her if i would win one, since hers is an old iPhone 14. I was also planning on making a form in the government for a 30 euros check to buy any book that u want and i wanted to ask her which book is she eyeing next and i’d go here with her to get it..Now she will never know 🙂

    August 1, 2026 at 9:40 pm #459805
    anita
    Participant

    Just want to let you know, Confused, that I am reading and will take some time responding (within the hour or so)

    August 1, 2026 at 11:00 pm #459806
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Dear Confused:

    The Greek guy.. well, he was born in New York. I suppose his parents were born in Greece. I’ll ask him next time where his family is from. He identifies as Greek Orthodox.

    You wrote: “imagine me cursing at her? I would be done.”

    But when she cursed at you, you were not done with her.

    It makes me wonder if you kept yourself gentle and non‑reactive all this time so you wouldn’t upset her. That’s a heavy emotional position to hold.

    For a long time, I thought of her as soft, fragile, wounded, gentle — because that’s how you described her. But her actual behavior toward you doesn’t match that picture. Calling you names like “narcissistic asshole” says something real about how she handles conflict, not about gentleness.

    I’m not saying this to attack her. I’m saying it because you’re starting to see the difference between who she actually was with you, and the version of her you carried inside. And that difference matters for your healing.

    Your sister said: “One day she’s gonna realize how hard she fumbled because u are a wonderful guy that u don’t meet often in life and u also don’t fit in interrogation rooms-like relationships.”-

    Ditto — I agree that you’re a rare, wonderful guy, and you don’t deserve an interrogation‑room‑like relationship.

    So, this was a pattern
 the interrogations? And in between those, she was “caring, compassionate and considerate”? I’m trying to understand how those two very different behaviors fit together.

    🌿 Anita

    August 2, 2026 at 9:01 pm #459820
    Confused
    Participant

    Hey anita

    Oh i thought he moved there. Is he in mafia? haha

    Yeah i got mad, i said things to her too, but when the dust settles, my heart goes to her again.

    Yes i did keep myself gentle and non-reactive 9 times out of 10 but i think it was mostly because of my inner turmoil and feeling like i have to be better.

    Well she is indeed wounded, soft, fragile and gentle but when she feels like u are fooling her she becomes a different person for a brief time. I am not excusing her i am just saying.

    Thank you anita 🙂

    Hmm look, she is very insecure about everything. She thinks she’s ugly, fat, hard to deal with, but she’s not. Ever since the september incident i think she never really got over it, even if i asked her a million times and she said yes, my ex was living in her head rent-free. She was so hyper-vigilant and triggered when it came to my ex. Her pattern was mostly “reject before being rejected” and i told her plenty of times “don’t be afraid of getting rejected sometimes, drop ur guard and take some initiative with us” and she was shying away laughing. I still think she’s a wonderful and kind soul but with her own demons. She used to pray for my well-being since summer of 2025, she bought me a guardian angel bell for my motorcycle, even thought of getting my sisters gifts for their birthday (8th of august-they’re twins but not looking alike and she would come at 9th), she would always ask me about my issues and worry about my health, she would check the weather here and feel bad, feel bad about many things, me spending my money on her/etc, but this is why i kept doing that, because she’s worth it, she never took me for granted, i could see the joy in her, two weeks ago she said “thank you for making my everyday a bit better and bearable”. She was the one to cover for everyone, never arguing or nagging, she would just be there. I think her positives far outweigh her negatives and that’s why i wanted to be with her and work those things, her soul is pure and hurt and i wanted to fill her with love.. too bad i have a lot of demons myself 🙁

    August 2, 2026 at 9:58 pm #459822
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Dear Confused:

    “Too bad I have a lot of demons myself”- the Confused I know? đŸ€”.. I see-hear-feel no demons.

    He’s not a mafia guy, not that I know. He’s rich though.. and lots of tattoos đŸ€”

    I am not very focused this Sun night. I attended a music event, 💃 and đŸ·- ed a bit. Will write more in the morning.

    🌿🌿🌿 Anita

    August 3, 2026 at 11:16 am #459831
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Dear Confused 🙂

    I hear how much tenderness you still feel for her, even after the anger and the hurt. You’re able to see both sides — the moments when she reacted from fear, and the moments when she showed care, softness, and generosity. It makes sense that your heart goes back to her, because you’re remembering the parts of her that felt warm and meaningful to you.

    You’re describing someone who is deeply insecure and easily triggered, especially around the September incident. When a person already feels “not enough,” even small things can feel like threats, and they protect themselves by pulling away first. That doesn’t excuse the hurtful moments, but it does explain them. You’re also honest about your own turmoil — how you tried to stay gentle but were struggling inside too. It sounds like both of you were carrying wounds that made the relationship feel unstable.

    I can see why you valued her kindness, her thoughtfulness, the way she cared about your well‑being and your family. Those things mattered to you. And I can also see why it was hard: her fear, your demons, the triggers on both sides. You’re holding a lot of complexity, and you’re trying to make sense of it without blaming her or yourself. That shows your sincerity.

    If you want to keep talking about this, I’m here.

    🌿 Anita

    August 3, 2026 at 1:25 pm #459832
    Confused
    Participant

    Hey anita

    I think my demons is this whole thing that began in November and some more insecurities/fears.

    Yeah when my protective side is off i can feel a lot of things for her, i cry because i will never hear her voice again, we will not make our inside jokes again, i won’t be able to show her my affection and kindness again and so on.. How could she throw all those so quickly and tell me that whatever good for me she had in her i destroyed? While a week ago she was thanking me for making her life more beautiful and bearable?

    I know but we discussed it many times and she said she was over it, turns out she wasn’t..I wanted to help her with all those insecurities and uncertainties but turns out i made them worse. All i wanted was to share my life with her 🙁

    She was the most caring and thoughtful person ive ever met, she said the same about me. How could she throw it all away just like that? Doesn’t she miss what we had? How is she willing to let all of it go for a panic lie?

    It’s just so heavy, my life feels pointless. I know a person shouldn’t be your motive but i wanted to do this with her.. The void feels so strong, i am living life on autopilot, wondering if she will ever come back, she gave my life so much beauty and depth.. 🙁

    August 3, 2026 at 1:47 pm #459834
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Dear Confused:

    I can hear how heavy this is for you. When the protective layer drops, you’re feeling the full weight of losing someone who mattered deeply. The inside jokes, her voice, the small everyday moments — those are real losses, and it makes sense that you’re grieving them. You’re trying to understand how someone who cared for you so much could suddenly say you “destroyed” the good in her. That kind of shift is confusing and painful, especially when only a week earlier she was thanking you for making her days better.

    What you’re describing — her insecurity, her fear of rejection, the way the September incident stayed alive inside her — those things didn’t disappear just because she said she was over them. Sometimes people want to be over something, they try to be, but the fear stays underneath. It doesn’t mean you made her worse on purpose. It means both of you were carrying wounds that made the relationship fragile. You wanted to help her, and she wanted to be close to you, but her fear and your turmoil kept colliding.

    I hear how much you valued her kindness, her thoughtfulness, the way she cared. Those memories are real. They mattered. And losing these things hurts🙁 But her leaving doesn’t erase the connection you had — it only shows that her fear became stronger than her ability to stay. That’s about her inner struggle, not your worth.

    Right now, everything feels empty because you built a lot of meaning around her. That makes the void feel sharp. But this pain doesn’t mean your life is pointless. It means you’re grieving something that was important to you. You’re in a hard moment, but it won’t stay this way forever. You can keep talking here, and I’ll keep listening.

    🌿 Anita

    August 3, 2026 at 3:24 pm #459836
    Confused
    Participant

    Yes anita, the void and the pain is unbearable, nothing that i do makes me feel anything or alleviate the emptiness.. I am devastated and i think this one will take a long time to dissipate, if ever.. i think she will be my eternal “what if” 🙁

    I know i lied to her but it was out of panic, can’t she see that? How did this shatter everything for her? She said that everytime we talk she sees the version of me lying straight to her face gaslighting her.. can’t she see the version of me that was taking care of her? Being there for her and her family? Loving her? I just can’t comprehend how can someone block all those things..

    Well she should have told me what she needed then. She said she was tired of me bringing up my ex, lol! The only time i brought my ex up was back in December while i was storytelling about some creepy things that my ex happened to be in and in June when she asked “where do my fears/beliefs about latin dancing with partners come from” (my ex is a latin dancer, but solo) and even then i did tell her “are u sure u wanna know?” she said yes..

    I did and sometimes i wish we hadn’t made those memories in the first place because it hurts, the void she left behind is so big..I hope she can see it herself and come back soon, so we can build something better together 🙁

    Thanks for your words anita. I think i’ve never ached like this for anyone in my life before.. it’s not that i built meaning around her, it’s that i wanted to build more with her and now she’s gone… I will never feel her care and affection again.. doesn’t she miss me? how can she not mend our bond? I think this thing makes me angry but i can imagine how angry it made her when i lied straight to her face..
    I have a final gift for her that i was planning on giving her upon her arrival but i will send it there instead. A week ago she told me to give it to the next girl and that she doesn’t want anything from me. I told her that there will be no next girl and this gift is hers, made by me for my little babygirl, she cried and told me to not call her that but i told her i can’t, that’s what she is to me, my babygirl.. I wrote two letters inside, pouring my heart out but i wrote it’s not a letter to win her back, i want her to know that i still hurt deeply by her absence and how much i love her.. I think people have come back from worse scenarios, cheating/etc but i doubt she will ever come back to me, sometimes i think maybe she was looking for a way out or is it just my hurt side talking? She had just talked to her family about me..

    August 3, 2026 at 3:56 pm #459837
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Confused:

    I hear how confusing it is for you that she can only see the moment you panicked and lied, and not all the care and love you showed her. The intensity of her reaction tells me she wasn’t just responding to what happened between you two — she was responding to something older, something that already lived inside her. When someone has been hurt before, even a small mistake can feel like a repeat of a much bigger wound. In that moment she couldn’t separate the past from the present, and she couldn’t see the version of you who was kind, supportive, and steady with her.

    That doesn’t mean your care wasn’t real. You didn’t erase the good memories — she just couldn’t reach them while she was triggered. And that’s why this feels so sudden and so absolute to you.

    I also remember how anxious she was about the trip. Sometimes when someone is already overwhelmed, even a small mistake becomes the thing they hold onto so they can step away from something that feels too big or too scary. It doesn’t mean the lie itself was huge — it means her fear was already strong, and this gave her a reason to cancel what she didn’t feel ready for.

    You’re grieving something that mattered deeply, and you’re trying to make sense of a reaction that came from her own history, not from your worth. You can keep talking here. (I will be away from the computer for a while)

    🌿 Anita

    August 4, 2026 at 2:41 pm #459860
    Confused
    Participant

    Hey anita

    Maybe u are right, it was many things piling up that led to this, but she had told me in the past “once u fool me, im out”, so maybe not idk..

    I know that my care was real and she knows it too (hopefully), but i don’t wanna be without her..Its like my whole being is longing for her, idk how to explain it ive never felt it with anyone else before and ive been blindsided a few times.

    Yeah she was very anxious and a bit distant in the last days, she was under a lot of stress from many factors that broke her.

    I just can’t, today was hard, i can’t stop thinking about her, i have so many thoughts, i wanna text her that i miss her deeply, that her absence is gutting me, that i love her and i desperately want to rebuild and be better with her. But i know she wants space, i know she spoke to her family and friends and now she’s never coming back..

    August 4, 2026 at 3:43 pm #459861
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Dear Confused:

    I can hear how much this is hurting you, and how overwhelmed you felt today. What you’re feeling — the longing, the fear, the thoughts running in circles — is part of the shock of separation. It means you’re in the first wave of grief.

    Your care for her was real — I don’t doubt that. But when a person says they need space, the most respectful thing you can do is to continue to give it to them. Reaching out in the middle of this emotional storm would come from your pain, not from clarity, and she would feel that pressure immediately. It wouldn’t help the situation, even though the urge to contact her feels so strong. Longing always makes people want to act — that’s human.

    Right now, it’s important to slow down. You don’t have to act on every feeling. You just have to get through this moment without doing something that comes from panic rather than clarity and calm. Space is not rejection — it’s her way of trying to regulate herself.

    I know you miss her. I know her absence feels like a physical ache. But give her the space she asked for and give yourself a chance to breathe before you decide what comes next.

    🌿 Anita

    August 4, 2026 at 4:33 pm #459862
    Confused
    Participant

    Yeah, the shock of seperation which is already on for 7 days, it feels like it’s resetting every hour or every day.. I think its because i secretly hope we will get back together, then the realization hits again..

    I am trying not to text her because i respect the space..Idk what would clarity feel like, since ive been feeling for months that i wanna have her in my future.Sometimes i feel like the more we let go the worse, or that maybe she regrets it and she doesn’t have the courage to text me, but then i remember what she said the last time “I am stupid for trusting u and loving u” and “i want nothing from u” so i get my hard landing again 🙂

    I just wanna straight up ask her if there’s any chance for us in the near future or should i kill any hopes i have inside me because it’s not helping.. Oh how i fucked this up 🙁

    August 4, 2026 at 5:53 pm #459863
    anita
    Participant

    I’ll answer in 1-2 hours, Confused.

    August 4, 2026 at 7:31 pm #459867
    anita
    Participant

    Hey Dear Confused:

    I like it that there’s a smiley face in your message. To me, the smiley face feels like the strength within you.

    “Idk what clarity feels like” – it may feel like serenity, as in the serenity prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..

    You can’t change her mind, her heart, her history before she met you- which has a big part in her unpropotionate recent reaction.

    I understand you wanting to ask her if there’s a chance for the 2 of U, or should U kill any hope for getting back together.

    Problem is (besides the fact that it’ll disrespect the space she needs) is that even if she says: ‘No chance!’, you may think: ‘No chance now, but maybe next week.. or the week after’

    It’s not that you f***** it up, it’s that the relationship has become fragile for a variety of reasons- from both sides. Which is most often the case in most relationship.

    Are the đŸ”„ in Greece still ongoing? Any close to you? The current Spokane đŸ”„ are close enough to me that the air I’m breathing right now is filled with smoke.

    How are you now (when reading this message)?

    🙂 Anita

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