Hey anita

Oh yeah i didnt notice the last post about the greek guy. Haha, i hope u enjoyed the conversation. Sparta and Athens are far from where i live, never been to sparta tho. He mentioned cyprus too? i guess he’s kinda old.

Well, idk how and why i do that but that’s me, i always go all-in, idk how to change it and frankly i dont think i feel like changing it because thats how i enjoy things.

Hey anita

He’s a hipster then? haha

Hmm, i think i know what u mean but for me it had always been difficult to differentiate and set boundaries to myself. I would always lose myself in a relationship because of my excitement when i would be with someone id really like. I meant i was more active before this happened and i was most active with her, in the first year, i was getting more motivation and drive (always happens to me when im with someone) but then i guess burnout?

I wish i knew how to do that 🙁

Although lately i feel better overall and things are great between us, after that 11 hour videocall and us setting boundaries, expressing what hurt us/etc, things are smooth. I still get my occasional “do i love her? why am i not excited? why do i feel bothered sometimes?” and the rest of this circus/thoughts, but i think it’s a lot better.

Hey anita

Haha, i wasnt saying it in a serious manner but maybe i was spot on!

Well, that’s gone now, i feel like shit 🙁

My mind not only doubts and gets irritated by her in the past two days or so (she hasnt done anything wrong), but i get irritated by everyone, my sister sending me reels, funny messages/etc im like “ugh, not again!”, i find no pleasure or joy in anything but my mind keeps shifting the focus on her, even tho she’s the most loving she’s ever been towards me. Two days ago i found a book that she couldn’t find at cyprus and she loves it, i bought it, was feeling excited to go home and show it to her, felt happy with the fact that she felt overjoyed and then poof, felt irritated again. I think it’s severe depression in the works.

Hmm, what do u mean by that anita?

Naturally, I miss talking to Confused. First post: Dec 19, 2025 (“Hello, reading this thread gave me relief since I’m suffering from the same thing for the first time in my life in the past 1.5 month…”)

Last post, Sept 22, 2026: “Hey anita… My mind not only doubts and gets irritated by her in the past two days or so (she hasn’t done anything wrong), but I get irritated by everyone… ”

I hope you’re okay, CoNfUsEd

AnItA

Guess who is 😀 😄 😁 😊 😃 🙂 to read from Confused this Monday night?

(Me).

“Hmm by losing myself I mean mostly hyper focusing on the relationship, analyzing every action, every conversation, every shift, everything, my mood becoming dependent on how good the relationship is going, etc.”-

I’ve just been talking with someone (tonight) who has a volatile, immature mother (like mine was, like you had) and how much it affects a person.

What you wrote (that which I quoted right above), reads like how a child reacts to a volatile, unpredictable and at times, abusive mother.

“It’s almost been a year.. I think I’ve made some progress considering how I was back then until February”- glad to read that! Tell me about the progress, will you?

🤔 Anita

Hey anita, glad ure happy hearing from me, same here 🙂

On the first post, u mean the hyperfocusing on the relationship is the cause of this?
Hmm, i would say the progress is mainly that i feel overall better and more “normal”, definitely less anxiety and obsessive thoughts (i still have them), but i am able to feel some feelings here and there, so i would say way better than last year..

I think u are right on the part of chaos=connection and calm=nothing, maybe its the dopamine and the system being on alert that gave me that “feeling” and tbh yeah, ive never felt the safe kind of love and connection, always chasing highs, unavailable partners, adrenaline rush, through relationship, motorcycle and stuff. But ive always wanted a girl like her, with the morals, the intellect, the humour, and much more 🙂
Today, i was feeling like 40% lovey-dovey feelings for her while working, cuz i know she’s struggling a lot with her social circle right now, being responsible for many things at once and running some other things, she’s so stressed and burnt out and today i was imagining me preparing a hot bath for her, massaging her, then carrying her to bed and have her sleep in my arms, and that felt kinda warm/good 🙂 (not like last year, but maybe last year was the uncertainty, the chase)
But, after some hours of us texting, she got very very sad because of an unfortunate event that happened to her (it was never in the plans and kind of threw her off) and as soon as she got sad and i was reading her texts, my sister was speaking to me simultaneously, yapping about random things and i felt this sense of being overwhelmed, like my skin was crawling from under me, wanted my sister out of my room, all the lovey-dovey feelings evaporated instantly and turned into dysphoria. Idk if smoking hookah brought me some bad mood because the flavour was all done and i felt light headed, but i noticed the whole shift happening. It didn’t last for long though, i told my sister i needed to shower (didnt wanna shower yet), kept texting with my girl, listening to her telling me about how her plans failed because of unexpected errors and she was crying, but what bothered me then was the fact that i felt no empathy. I did console her but i did it for her, to be there for her, inside me i was not bothered and that seemed wrong to me. Tbh ive never felt bad for anyone in my life, its like my empathy skills only exist for innocent animals and sometimes for humans but thats rare (it has happened with my girl too but usually when i have done her wrong), its like i can never feel bad for people around me, like this is something out of my skillset. I did feel yesterday and today tho that i love her more than ever, i listened to a song with certain lyrics that happened to describe our situation (distance-love) and i teared up, sent it to her and expressed my love. Its like lately there are glimpses of me feeling positive feelings/love/joy but for brief amounts of time, then one question ruins everything, like: why am i not missing her? why cant i feel sad if i imagine losing her? why am i not feeling like i wanna get on a plane and go see her? why do i not wanna videocall her? And then those questions conclude the answer: then something must be wrong.

I think this is the pattern, sorry for the long post but i wanted to throw it out here for u to see if u want 🙂

Hey 👋 Confused:

(I’m reading a part of your post, responding to it before reading the next, then the next part, etc.)

“On the first post, u mean the hyper focusing on the relationship is the cause of this?”-

I’m not sure what you mean by “this”. What I meant was that growing up in a volatile, unsafe home, a child reacts by hyper focusing on things that may mean trouble to come (any shift in the volatile’s parent’s tone of voice, facial expression, a door having been slammed, etc.)- so, to prepare to the next explosion, fight, whatever danger.

“Hmm, I would say the progress is mainly that I feel overall better and more ‘normal’, definitely less anxiety and obsessive thoughts (I still have them), but I am able to feel some feelings here and there, so I would say way better than last year..”-

My hat is off to you for your progress, Confused 🎩✨(it’s a term)

“I think u are right on the part of chaos=connection and calm=nothing, maybe it’s the dopamine and the system being on alert that gave me that ‘feeling’ and tbh yeah, I’ve never felt the safe kind of love and connection, always chasing highs, unavailable partners, adrenaline rush, through relationship, motorcycle and stuff. But I’ve always wanted a girl like her, with the morals, the intellect, the humour, and much more 🙂”-

W.O.W, Confused, your awareness is amazing 🎉(Amazing Awareness, AA, ha-ha).

Reading about how special she is to you is heart-warming for me, truly 🥰💜 🩷 💕, makes me smile right now.

“Today I was imagining me preparing a hot bath for her, massaging her…”- Oh h 💜 💕

“But, after some hours of us texting, she got very, very sad because of an unfortunate event that happened to her… my sister was speaking to me simultaneously, yapping about random things and I felt this sense of being overwhelmed, like my skin was crawling from under me, wanted my sister out of my room, all the lovey-dovey feelings evaporated instantly and turned into dysphoria.”-

This makes perfect sense to me. It’s just an overwhelm, like touching a hot stove- you gotta move your hand away and quickly!

(I had to look up hookah, imagine, I never heard the word before.)

* Just noticed you submitted a post to Young. So glad you did. W.O.W, Confused.. where’s my hat off emoji.. 🎩✨

It’s a very INTELLIGENT and honest reply, and a way better reply than I submitted to him. It’s especially (potentially) helpful because like him, you’re a guy, and much closer to his age.

Back to your post here: “I told my sister I needed to shower (didn’t wanna shower yet)”- you set a boundary, took care of what you needed at the moment- good job, Confused!

“Kept texting with my girl, listening to her telling me about how her plans failed because of unexpected errors and she was crying, but what bothered me then was the fact that I felt no empathy. I did console her, but I did it for her, to be there for her, inside me I was not bothered and that seemed wrong to me. Tbh I’ve never felt bad for anyone in my life, it’s like my empathy skills only exist for innocent animals and sometimes for humans but that’s rare (it has happened with my girl too but usually when I have done her wrong), it’s like I can never feel bad for people around me, like this is something out of my skillset”-

I don’t want to overuse the W.O.W, but.. W.O.W.

You did the right thing by her, console her. But what I am WOW-wing is what this paragraph brings up for me.

My mother took advantage of the natural empathy I had for her (and any child would have). She kept going on and on about how everyone in her life has hurt her feelings, and how I was nothing but just one more person who has hurt her. I felt so much guilt. In my mind, Empathy= Guilt= emotional pain.

So, I stayed away from feeling empathy for other people- as a child and adult- because empathy meant too much pain. It’d be true to say that my mother abused my empathy for her.

“I did feel yesterday and today tho that I love her more than ever, I listened to a song with certain lyrics that happened to describe our situation (distance-love), and I teared up, sent it to her and expressed my love. It’s like lately there are glimpses of me feeling positive feelings/ love/ joy but for brief amounts of time, then one question ruins everything, like: why am I not missing her? why can’t I feel sad if I imagine losing her? why am I not feeling like I wanna get on a plane and go see her? why do I not wanna videocall her? And then those questions conclude the answer: then something must be wrong.”-

Personally, I’m emotionally invested in the 2 of u getting together forevermore.

Second, those questions you ask yourself, these sabotaging questions.. it’s like a part of you is trying to protect yourself from resting in/ relaxing into loving her, so it keeps you on guard, trying to keep you distant from her because resting-in-love is dangerous, Confused?

🤔🎩✨🤔 Anita

Hey Dear Confused 🙂

You are welcome, and thank you for being the bee’s knees 🙏👏

I am exceptionally not focused enough, so I’ll B Back 2 U tomorrow.

🧠-tired Anita