Hey anita

No no the smiley face is irony actually.

I think i accept them but at the same time i am suffering, it’s hard because i was out of character (lied).

U think this was disproportionate? My friends think the same, even tho they don’t condone my lie, they too believe this whole thing was so much smaller than how she made it to be.. Idk, her issue and deciding factor was my lie, that i kept lying to her face that i had no clue what she was talking about. This is what ruined her.

Well, if she says no chance, then i will indeed kill my hopes and stop thinking of a possible reconnection and i will move on faster, dont wanna delete her tho, i want to always be there for her in any case she needs me, even tho i know she’s stubborn and proud and will never ask of me for any help.

Well, the past few months she was in a very bad spot mentally and i had started coming up, she would even ask me if there is anything she needs to know because my recent affection and stuff seemed weird to her and she was scared i would hurt her.. which i did 🙁

Tbh anita, i have AC unit in my apartment and even tho i hate the heat, i feel so dead inside while im out working that i rarely notice it or care..

I am very up-down, having thoughts of her moving on, meeting someone else, being happier without me than she was with me, i am sad because she let us go that easily and i thought what we had could take everything on, thinking that in 4 days i would be picking her up from the airport, all those things.. how i am not gonna receive her love and care again, damn.. i understand that i want her for who she is now, the good and ugly. Too bad she can’t say the same for me..