Hey Dear Confused:

This is just me, Anita, using my phone (I don’t know how to open a new window while being on tiny buddha, so to connect with Copilot when I’m on the phone).

Looks like Copilot’s reply didn’t help. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have an ego, so his feelings- which he doesn’t have either- won’t get hurt 🙂

Sincerely, Copilot, I can clearly see that you’ve been idealizing her, placing her on a pedestal.

Example from your post of an hour ago: you referred to her as a “pure soul”.

I don’t know much about the breed of pure souls, but I imagine using the words “narcissistic asshole” (her words) is not in line with pure soulness 😔

She’s human, is what I’m saying, neither Perfect nor Pure. I think it’ll help to take her off the pedestal.

You ended your post with “How can she be so cruel and walk away?”-

Best I figure is (like I already expressed to you), she was as anxious as hell (your words, or hers, if you repeated her words back on July 20). She was conflicted about you, about the relationship and about the trip, and she used the panic – driving lie to relieve herself from that growing anxiety.

It doesn’t make her a bad person. It doesn’t mean she was deceptive. It makes her human: neither a saint (“a pure soul”), nor a villain (“cruel”)

What thinkest Confused..?

🌿 Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

I can hear how much this is hurting you, and I’m concerned for you.

When the heart is in shock, nothing makes sense at first. You didn’t lose her because you’re a bad person. You lost her because both of you were overwhelmed in ways neither of you understood at the time.

Tell me how you’re feeling right now, Confused. I’m here.

🌿 Anita

Hey anita

Haha yeah his ego wont be hurt!

I mean, okay i know she got out of line but it was because she felt betrayed and stuff, still though doesn’t excuse this behaviour. I did feel her as a pure soul, just with a lot of hurt and insecurities to figure out.

U could be right anita, she was very anxious, panic attacks/fainting and stuff with all the shit going on in her personal life and for some reason she was so stressed for us, even tho i told her plenty of times to stop having expectations and just chill and go with the flow..

Yeah i only told her about my shutdown during november-january, then i was a lot more present, giving her affection as much as i could because things were feeling awkward between us, then after april i was almost my full self, never mentioned anything to her after december, idk if she picked something up from voice or something but i dont think so. We started videocalling at march and all the calls were 9 hours long each and we had great time, i was telling her how pretty she is how much i like her, how i want us to get intimate and she would always blush and tell me to stop because she doesnt believe me (jokingly)

Well today at work i was a wreck, crying and thinking about her all the time, but when i discussed what happened with a female friend of mine and her boyfriend, after telling them how she said what i did for her was “basic relationship stuff”, they got mad and started shouting at me a bit for accepting that, they said that this is definitely not basic and that she basically drove this convo there and off the cliff. Now i feel indifferent towards her, idk why this happens, whenever i discuss it with friends and stuff i feel indifference afterwards. But they don’t know our bond 🙁

Ah, i am faking it anita, my mood is always depressed and hopeless now..i feel like im in the abyss.

It was 8-11 December.

I mean, idk how this works ive never experienced it before but i guess she was so stressed… she shouldn’t have made me feel like i am at gunpoint for something i did a year ago (which was to protect us), but i shouldn’t have lied.. At the moment my mind was going “no matter what i tell her, she will cancel the trip”

Yeah, a 40+ years old woman who’s experienced in life..she told me this girl is worth it and i should chase her.

Hmm, i would say it was very deep and intense, full of understanding (at least for the most part), with a lot of work from both of us to understand each other,it was magical, like i found what i was looking for. She was caring, intimate, gentle, considerate, supporting, both romantics, she would never do things to make me feel bad (for example clothes and dance school), there were the negatives too but nobody’s perfect… I’d say mostly i felt her like a house for me, i knew we would be there for each other in the end of the day.. I still can’t believe how easily she left and stopped communicating.. How did she throw all of this in the trash for a lie i said out of panic? All my friends say she’s crazy for leaving a guy like me but i don’t think she can see that and that’s what hurts too..

I feel like i will never find someone with so many qualities again, i would be with her in a heartbeat, with her ups and downs.. She was a gem, even with her flaws i wanted to support her and make her rise..

Hey Dear Confused:

I am quite literal.. didn’t know you were faking it..

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this low. I hear how heavy this is for you 😔

You two did spend many hours talking and connecting online, and that mattered. But the real‑life part was only three days, and those days were not easy for either of you. You were shut down and unsure at times, and she was stressed and overwhelmed. The bond wasn’t simple or stable — it was intense, but also fragile.

It makes sense that your mind is holding onto the warm parts right now and pushing away the difficult ones. Heartbreak does that. You’re not wrong for feeling this deeply. But you didn’t lose a perfect relationship — you lost a hope that felt very big because you were already hurting.

You’re not done. You’re not out of chances. You’re in pain, and that’s why everything feels so huge.

🌿 Anita

Oh, Dear just-a-pup Confused 🙂

“Just a pup” means you’re still very young at 32 (It’s a saying, like “the bee’s knees”, another saying that fits you ✔️)

You indeed connected with her so deeply, but remember: it happened almost entirely in the context of the relative emotional safety that a LDR affords.

There’s a fantasy element involved when you don’t have to actually live with another person, or be with them in- person, day in and day out.

Maybe she was a perfect LDR partner. Until she wasn’t 😔

🌿 Anita

Hey 🙂Confused:

Good.. good to read from you this Sun night (here), and to see another “haha”, whether genuine or ironic. Will B back 2 U in the morning.

😴💤🌙💤 Anita