Hi again Annie 🙂

I’ve been thinking about what you shared, especially the part about feeling unseen and unheard, like you don’t exist. That’s such a painful place to be, and it takes a lot of courage to put it into words the way you did.

What you wrote about the tug‑of‑war — wanting people, then feeling panicky or resentful, then wanting independence again — that makes so much sense when someone grows up with “a LOT of trauma.” Your nervous system learned to protect you by pulling back, even when another part of you longs for connection. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling both things at once.

I’m here, listening.

If you feel like sharing more about what that tug‑of‑war feels like inside you, I’d like to hear it.

🤔 Anita

5 hrs, left: 700

Hey Dear Confused:

Yes, I suppose the imagery of small windows will do 🙂

Hmm.. you’re becoming like her therapist 🤔?

What you said to her does sound intelligent and I’m quite impressed.. But the ‘patient’ rejects the therapy (“she refused hard… and she refuses that again.”)

“I told her I’m sorry and I regret it very much… it was my own trauma response…”-

Perfectly said, Confused. My hat is off to you (I wish I could access a hat-off emoji using my phone 😔)

“… still, I’m the one who trigerred it and maybe I can be the one that heals it, we should give it time”-

My goodness, Confused.. I’m going to send you my- hat- is off to you emoji once I get back to the computer, that’s a promise!

Oh, except that you can’t heal her trauma wound, that which preceded her ever knowing you existed. You can only support her as she engages in healing.

(I’m reading wmeach part of your message, responding, then reading the next part for the first time)

Then, after all of the above, you texted for 4 hours and laughed a lot? Well, Confused, that’s a really big window (I’m referring to the beginning of your message and the beginning of my reply).

And now you’re numb- well, no wonder You’re numb/ tired. That was.. how many hours of lots of emotional going on, no wonder you need a break!

🐔 (just because) Anita

Wait, cheap flights from Greece to Cyprus.. that has to be a 10 min flight 🤔

How long does it take to get there by train (to Athens, I’m guessing, and from there on boat to Cyprus?

(Just curious)

Hey 👋 Confused:

By that unclear sentence I meant that emotional shutdowns don’t fuction perfectly, that’s how you felt (or may still feel) indifferent about her, yet at any time you can feel intense jealousy about her, or intense sadness, and cry.

To B continued in a moment.

Hi Annie 🙂

Truly, I am glad to read back from you!

I’m using my phone, scrolling up to re-read your original post and down, to quote what you said and the thoughts or feelings your words bring for me.

You wrote about your family, “mine had a LOT of trauma”- same with mine.

You wrote, “lack of family”- A lack of safety and predictability. This is what I grew up with (or more precisely, how I grew in, as in inward, isolated within and without).

“As if I’m unseen, unheard, by anyone, like I don’t even exist, in a way.”-

I never read anyone say something so true to the way I grew- inward.

“I just want to be at peace with my emotions”-

That’s huge for me. Part of a mantra I repeat every day is: “I radically accept my emotions.” meaning, I don’t judge myself for feeling whatever I’m feeling at any time. Nor do I judge anyone else for whatever they’re feeling.

Because in every emotion there’s a valid, positive message meant to help me and others (as an individual and a social being) to survive and even thrive. The message gets lost sometimes, that’s all.

I suppose harmful action is often based on the valid message getting lost in translation 😔

What do you think, Annie?

🤔 Anita

Hi again, Nea 😊

Still thrilled!

“I’ve been in such a warm little bubble with my baby that I honestly don’t have much capacity to carry that situation right now”-

I hope you stay in that warm little bubble for a long while longer, and therefore I don’t want to say too much about “that situation” at the moment.

I would say, in regard to “he and my husband didn’t speak to each other. We were all in the same room, and nothing happened”-

A softening in your father’s heart did not happen as a result of being in the same room with his new graddaughter, for the very first time.

A softening that could have made it possible for him to say something pleasant to your husband with the intention of making it more pleasant for the new mom who had just given birth for the first time.

Some hearts close permanently 😔

I am well, thank you for asking. I danced 💃 to outdoors live music on Thursday aternoon-evening and on Sunday evening.

I just remembered that a very pleasant woman on the dance floor said something nice to me about my dancing. She looked and sounded South Asian and.. it made me think of you, Nea- for a moment, right there on the dance floor 🙂

💃 ✨️ 🌿 Anita

I miss you already, Nea (thinking you might not poste again).

Anita