Dear Going Through Life:

You are welcome, and thank you for.. being you!

You deserve something better than what you had with SS, something more mature, more trustworthy, something you can rest in, feeling safe.

💞🫱🫲🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Q:

I read both your initial posts and I’d like to respond to both here.

“he started to cry and told me that he’s trying so hard to be better because of me. That I’m his inspiration… why can’t I accept and take this as a compliment?… I feel like I’m always helping everyone else. I want someone to be there for me to the same extent and with the same understanding that I give.”-

Maybe, just maybe this role of taking care of others started early on in your life, maybe taking care of a parent so that he/ she will be able (once helped enough, once strong enough) to take care of you..?

And you got really good at helping others.. yet the reward (being helped back) didn’t reach you yet?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Q::

“More noticeably, I notice myself feeling like ‘Moving on and dating other women feels like I’m cheating on her.”-

To me, this sounds like .. childhood guilt awakening in an adult- romantic context.

You wouldn’t be cheating on her dating other women. It feels like cheating on her because..?

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Nichole:

I just looked back at our communication over the years, the first day you posted and the same day I responded was Aug 21, 2018, that’s.. 7 years 1 month and 24 days ago 🤍

“I also began reading your entry on diving into your childhood (It Is really good)”- thank you! Anything you want to ask me about what I wrote here, please do (quote my words, so that I’ll know what you’re referring to).

“When I look back at my relationships I often find that I was the clingy one. I cannot just say I gave more and they gave less, it was more like I needed love right then and there as I was deprived of it so I didn’t mind laying down as a doormat for it.”-

Me too. The pattern was: clingy emotions, doormat behavior => angry, lashing out (inwardly or outwardly) and withdrawing. I suppose that’s why I was diagnosed years ago with BPD (I no longer fit the diagnosis).

“More recently, with the last five years of growth, I am less clingy, less desperate and I know myself more and what I like. I try to give others the space to be them without trying to control or romanticize the relationship. But all of this is a work in progress.”-

Excellent job, Nichole, that’s a lot of healing 💫✨🌿✨🌸🕊️🌼

“Having my family back in my life was easy and I became lazy with trying to connect. So I do not have much experience as of recently.”- I am not sure that I understand this sentence..?

“What I realized in this group is my expectation for others to take the leap and open their arms to me. I lack initiative in this area and other areas of my life.”- it’d take practice, starting perhaps with imagining yourself reaching out to someone (what would you say, what would you actually do, expression on your face, etc.)

“Well that is my start, I am eager to hear yours.”- Well, Nichole, I’ll start today by saying I really like you, and I am glad that we’re communicating again. I’d like to connect with you more like with a friend, both of us helping each other in this journey of positively connecting with people, one person at a time. With discernment, of course, when and if it’s safe.

Distrust in people prevented me from connecting. I was too sensitive to any sign of rejection or disinterest and reacted with withdrawal and disengagement. I am clearer now, in my mind, about this long-term, lifelong distrust and misperceptions of many people (not of all) in my life. Work in Progress, like you said.

🤍🌿 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

If I had read your whole post before leaving the computer, your request for words of comfort, I would have found the time earlier 😔

Thank you for your empathy, friend. You are a good person 🙏. I am fine now, in this regard.

I think that yours and E’s choices in regard to SS & E are wise.

Yes, I do think that you can attract good mates, have fun relationships and a good career.. nothing perfect, but good-enough. Just keep being honest and courageous. Gradually reveal yourself with new people as you get to know them patiently. No rushing in these matters. One Step At A Time.

🤍🌿 Anita