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anitaParticipantDear Readers:
I will continue my stream of consciousness journaling (SOCJ) with an adjustment:
in the SOCJs to follow, I will not express or process my feelings in regard to members of these forums.
There will be no direct or indirect reference to any member of tiny buddha in the SOCJs to follow.
Anita
anitaParticipantGood Morning, Zenith: I changed my mind.. please disregard the Goodby 😊
anitaParticipantRemember my last words to you, Zenith: you ARE fierce inside. Trust it. I will miss you.
This place (tiny buddha) is no longer my place. Goodby, Zenith. I will miss you.
Anita
anitaParticipantWould you like me to have an email address of yours where we can continue to communicate, Zenith?
Anita
August 7, 2025 at 6:56 pm in reply to: “He initiated closeness, then disappeared — still hurting months later” #448344anitaParticipantDear Adalie:
I understand. I am so sorry about all the pain through all of this. I don’t know you irl, but I care nonetheless.
Anita⅝
anitaParticipantI know anxiety all too well and I know fear of people, but I am discovering my own fierceness. I am discovering what it means and how to make it work for me (and for others).. And so can you. It takes learning, beginning in “small” ways. I put small in quotations because whenever you assert yourself just right.. there’s nothing small about it.
If you want, we can practice: you be you and I’ll play the part of your manager.. or co-sister or mil.
(I have to leave soon and be back to the computer tonight).
Anita
anitaParticipantThe fierceness is in you.. Trust it and it will serve you well!
anitaParticipantShe got it from you! The Fierceness is within you, I noticed it from the time we first started talking 🔥
anitaParticipantTell her calmly and politely how you are going to respond to co-sister. You might be surprised- she may retreat and not push you. I just wish your husband would be there to support you. But if you have to do it alone- be it..
Take an example from your little one’s defiance.. just do it in a grown-up, mature way.
anitaParticipantIt takes courage. But think about it: what’s the worst that can happen if you decide how you respond to co-sister? You’ll have to sleep on a small bed all by yourself when you’re there. lol.. Better that or some sign of others’ disapproval than a heavy, angry (understandably) mind and heart!
anitaParticipantFrom now on- quiet defiance! No need to argue or be loud- simply do not submit to your mil’s expectations or directions! To thine own self be True! (Shakespeare said that).
anitaParticipant“Why I should I treat her with more respect if I don’t get the same respect back?”- this question is easy to answer: you can’t control how your mil treats your co-sister, but you can control how you treat the co-sister.
Your mil has the right to respond to the co-sister as she wishes; she has no right to control your responses to the co-sister.
No More Unfair Control, says I!
anitaParticipant* as long as the room I am given is NOT uncomfortably small
anitaParticipantOh, yes, I remember now. In my response earlier today I completely forgot the respect for elders cultural nuance. I am sorry for the confusion, Zenith.
Integrating this nuance now, I’d say: if this is the cultural norm, then it’s not personal. Whether you accept this part of the culture or fight it- that’s your personal choice (I know you are a rebel in this regard).
If I was you, while in India (as long as the room I am given is uncomfortably small), I would accept the situation.. But when they all visit me.. guess who gets the small room.. lol.
Anita
August 7, 2025 at 10:14 am in reply to: “He initiated closeness, then disappeared — still hurting months later” #448303anitaParticipantWhat did he mean by “that’s much better”- I don’t understand..?
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.