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anitaParticipantMy answer: I can’t think of a single person, some are in worse shape than others, some in better shape. but who is UNTOUCHED BY C-PTSD or another kind of PTSD.
Aren’t we a P T S D S O C I E T Y (PTSDS, if you will)?
anita
anitaParticipantOn Survivors and Survival—
Surviving ongoing childhood trauma—what falls under Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)—is an experience shared by so many of us. Those untouched by it may be the minority, the lucky few. In my real life, I don’t know anyone untouched by it. Every adult I know carries the weight of C-PTSD, and here, in these forums, it’s no different.
Our world is a complex mess of PTSD.
Like a wild fire of PTSD.
I should start a new thread about this..
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa:
I appreciate your perspective—it’s true that healing looks different for everyone. I respect the way you see challenges as part of the journey, and I admire your strength in choosing how to respond rather than being weighed down by them. ❤️
Wishing you continued growth and peace, Anita
anitaParticipantDear Aleesa:
Your message truly made me smile—thank you for your kind words. ❤️ I’m honored that my words touched you, and of course, you’re welcome to use them as an affirmation!
🌸🌼🌷🌺💐🌻🌹 Anita
anitaParticipantI hope you’re sleeping peacefully as I write this 😴💤🛏️🌙😌 ❤️
anita
June 4, 2025 at 9:44 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #446562anitaParticipantDear Robi:
It’s always a pleasure to read your words. This time, your writing talent shone brighter than ever in my mind.
I hear your frustration with the whole “personal development” narrative—this idea that if you just have a perfect vision, everything will fall into place. But here’s the thing: clarity doesn’t come first, movement does. You don’t have to know the exact destination before taking a step. Sometimes, clarity is created through action, rather than found in thought alone.
You talked about being a leaf caught in the wind, constantly drifting, unable to root yourself. And maybe that’s because your vision keeps shifting—but shifting isn’t failure. What if, instead of forcing yourself to hold onto one fixed idea, you focused on one consistent action—something that grounds you, no matter which way the wind blows?
And about the shame—that long corridor lined with reminders of your “failures”—what if those weren’t failures, but evidence that you’ve kept trying, kept searching, kept wanting more for yourself? That’s not weakness. That’s proof that you’ve never truly given up.
Your girlfriend’s question—”How much more do you need to lose before you get going?”—it stuck with you for a reason. Maybe it’s time to stop waiting for the perfect conditions and simply start with one thing. What is one step you can take today—not tomorrow, not next week—but today?
You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to move.
While I was reading your recent post, I had this image in my mind, that of you in the storage room, minimizing the screen when your parents interrupted your privacy. I had the image of you, fast forward to now, still minimizing the screen, the screen representing YOU, Your Life, what You care about.
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Lunar:
I hear you—it sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of weight in this relationship, and in your life overall. It’s completely understandable that you feel frustrated, trapped, and emotionally drained.
You’ve made big sacrifices—moving to a new country, taking jobs you don’t enjoy, adapting to a new culture—and through all of this, you should be receiving support, patience, and understanding. Instead, it seems like you’re being asked to suppress your emotions, manage your partner’s insecurities, and adjust everything about yourself to fit her expectations. That’s not love—it’s control.
It’s not unreasonable to want personal space, independence, and freedom to express yourself. Love should lift you up, not smother you. And while relationships require compromise, you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your emotional well-being.
If you’re generally more unhappy than happy, that’s a sign that something needs to change—whether that’s open communication with your partner, setting boundaries, or even reconsidering if this relationship aligns with your needs. You deserve partnership, not restriction.
If it helps, take some time to imagine what happiness and peace would look like for you—what would need to change? What would bring you relief? That might help you clarify your next steps.
You deserve to feel free, understood, and safe in love. Wishing you strength. 💛
Anita
anitaParticipantDear me:
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like such a painful and emotional time, watching someone you love suffer and saying goodbye in such a difficult way. I can tell you truly care about him and want him to have peace, and that’s a deep kind of love.
The fact that he told you he loves you forever—that’s something real, something that stays with you even after he’s gone. You were there for him, and that matters.
Take care of yourself during this time. If you ever need to talk, even just to let out feelings, I’m here. 💛
Anita
anitaParticipantDear Alessa,
I appreciate your thoughts on sensitivity, and I agree that people respond differently to emotional intensity. However, my concern isn’t just about sensitivity—it’s about how harshness toward trauma survivors can delay healing.
Those who have already endured pain and mistreatment don’t need more of it. Rather than invalidation, judgment, or condescension, trauma survivors need validation, empathy, respect, and gentleness.
Wishing you kindness, Anita
June 4, 2025 at 7:08 am in reply to: Trying to heal from possible narcissistic mother + build own life #446547anitaParticipantHow are you, Sophie?
anitaParticipantHow are you, Mei?
anitaParticipantDear Tommy:
“Forgiveness? Nope. Karma will come fix that.”-
You seem to see life in a black-and-white way—where good choices lead to good outcomes, bad choices lead to bad ones, and suffering is a punishment for mistakes. Because of this, forgiving yourself might feel like escaping responsibility, as if it would make you irresponsible and undeserving of freedom from suffering.
But not all suffering comes from bad choices. Sometimes, pain just happens—a child doesn’t choose to be born into poverty or war, yet they suffer. Natural disasters don’t target people based on their actions—they simply occur. Grief, failure, rejection, loneliness—these happen to everyone, regardless of what they’ve done.
(This reminds me of the famous line from Unforgiven: “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.”)
And pain isn’t just punishment—it can also be a source of growth. Hardship can lead to wisdom, resilience, and empathy.
Holding onto pain as proof that you’re a good, responsible person assumes suffering is always deserved. But in reality, pain is often just part of existing—not judgment, not karma, just life.
Maybe forgiveness isn’t about forgetting mistakes—maybe it’s about freeing yourself from unnecessary suffering.
Wishing you well, Anita
June 3, 2025 at 9:48 pm in reply to: Fear knocked at the door. Love answered, and no one was there. #446536anitaParticipant8:37 pm, no sign of darkness, no Sign of Sunset. The light outside is absolute.
I don’t have heavy curtains that block the sun at 8- 9- 10 pm.
Don’t feel comfortable with wearing sun blockers when trying to sleep.
And it’s only early June, it’s going to get so much sunnier at 9 pm, 10 pm, 11 pm.
I mean, no sign of darkness.
I hear of prisons where the Light is always On.
I miss darkness, gentle darkness, the signal that yes.. time to go to bed.
The persistent, stubborn light..!
Too close to Alaska.
* In northern Alaska, places like Utqiaġvik (formerly Barrow) experience 24-hour daylight for about 82 days straight, from early May to late July-
24-hours daylight.. I should be grateful for 5 hours of darkness hours per NDAD in the summer. More than they get up there.
Problem is, if I move south, I will be stuck in summers where it’s too HOT and too HUMID to get outside for half of the year, at the least, so people live vampire-like-lives, going outdoors only at nights.
Climate Change or whatever it is.
So, I’d rather be here, south of Alaska, because I CAN go out and about during the day, which I greatly appreciate!
9:03 pm here. Still no darkness. But not that much light as before.
9:15 pm here, still not dark, still light. Climate-change-panic-moment.
Two whole hours before it get’s dark.
Wait, somewhat darker, spring-time-darkness, 9:20 pm.
It’s just that I need some darkness so to go to bed.
The birds start their LOUDEST singing at about 3- 4 am. it’s hard to schedule one’s life around all these..
9:42 pm, yes! It happened, DARK, finally, it just happened- DARKNESS just happened, June 3rd, 9:48 pm, better go to bed
Good night- Anita
Anita
anitaParticipantBack to the title of this thread: Why telling survivors (of childhood ongoing trauma) to “Get Over It!” is harmful- it’s harmful because of the harsh tone in saying this. A traumatized, abused child- now adult- in age (still the same child) does NOT need any more harshness than what he/ she already received from the original harsh abuser or abusers.
So.. good-intentioned (perhaps) people who think harshness is the way to go- they are sadly mistaken.
Beating a person who is already down- from having beaten up for too long- is just WRONG. It prevents and delays healing!!!
How can it possibly be okay to beat a person who’s already down..?
Anita
June 3, 2025 at 7:59 pm in reply to: Fear knocked at the door. Love answered, and no one was there. #446533anitaParticipantIt takes an intentional practice to redirect attention from Fear to Love, Fear2Love.
Like this evening, still light outside. No sign of sunset, not even close. Personally, I do not like Night Disguised As Day. (NDAD, I have a thing for acronyms)
Anyway, anyhow, here I am.
So, about Love: it’s about being supportive of those we love, including those we don’t necessarily feel love for.
Love is the commitment and practice to be Gentle with others- not harsh, Empathetic- not judgmental, Positive (focusing on a person’s socially-desirable traits and strengths)- not negative (pointing to a person’s undesirable traits and weaknesses), pointing to a person’s foundation we hope he/ she would be motivated to build on.
And at the same time, when a person abuses others, love is about protecting the abused from the abusers.
And in all that, remaining humble and Collaborative (encouraging honest dialogues), rather than being Corrective (telling a person: this is your problem! And this is what you should do!)
This is ALL I have to say about Love on this Tuesday evening which has no sign of darkness, NDAD..
I do not love NDADs 😔🥺😢
Anita
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.