Dear Nichole:

Blocking 🚫 them sounds like a healthy choice for you!

I hope 🙏 that your depression lifts soon. Maybe your new thread (I am excited about it) will help.

Bogart is a fast walker who’s been taking me for walks dog 🐕 < — <🚶‍♀️ , often pulling, stopping and changing directions, which resulted in my shoulders hurting 😳, so I am on a quest to train him to walk slower.

Talking about blocking family, over 10 years ago I joined Facebook for the first and last time. Last, because a cousin reached me after decades of not being in contact with her. I freaked out and deactivated my few days long experience with Facebook (it could have been 1 day).

When do you think you’ll start a new thread?

🤍🚶‍♀️🐕 Anita

Dear Alecsee:

You wrote: “I attract people when I’m happiest, but then I pour myself into them.”- this is actually very self-aware: you’re noticing that you shine when you’re grounded but lose yourself once you get attached to a partner.

But seems like you haven’t yet connected this to your fear of abandonment that drives your emotional dependency on a partner/ anxious attachment style.

You see the pattern, but not the engine driving it.

Were you abandoned as a child, emotionally, if not physically?

* Another thing I noticed is your tendency to idealize the past. In your most recent message, you’re remembering only the good parts of the relationship with “the one who ‘got away'” and ignoring the difficulties in the relationship and why it ended.

In your earlier posts, you talked about your ex as if she was perfect for you, saying things like “She was the love of my life.” and “I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”, even though she didn’t communicate, didn’t visit, blocked you, and didn’t meet your emotional needs.

It makes sense that you hold onto the good parts — they were real to you. There were beautiful moments for you and it’s okay to remember the good parts, but those relationships ended for real reasons, not because you were meant to suffer or because you missed your only chance

When someone is hurting, especially after a breakup, the mind often rewrites the past to make it feel more special, more perfect, or more meaningful than it really was. It’s a coping mechanism.

For someone with anxious attachment, the fantasy feels safer than the truth — until they feel grounded enough to face the truth (that it was a mismatch).

You don’t have to ‘get it right’ next time by choosing someone perfect from the start. You just need someone who matches you, communicates with you, and meets you halfway.

You’re not being punished. You’re growing. And the fact that you’re reflecting this much shows you’re already moving forward. You don’t have to do everything the hard way anymore — you can choose differently now, with more clarity and more self‑understanding.

🤍 Anita

Dear Alecsee:

Someone with your emotional style — deeply feeling, anxious when uncertain, loyal, expressive — would thrive in relationships where the other person communicates openly, doesn’t disappear during stress, can talk through conflict, offers reassurance without being asked, and doesn’t punish vulnerability. This doesn’t mean constant attention — it means consistency.

You need a partner who says what she means, follows through, doesn’t send mixed signals, and doesn’t withdraw without explanation

Predictability is safety.

You’d thrive in a relationship where the other person shares about herself, expresses affection, initiates conversations, shows appreciation and meets you halfway. You need emotional exchange, not emotional guessing.

You wouldn’t do well with doesn’t do well with silent withdrawal, sudden distance or unclear expectations. So, a healthy partner for you would say things like: ‘I need a quiet night, but I care about you.’, ‘I’m overwhelmed, but I’ll check in tomorrow.’ This would prevent your anxiety from spiraling.

How can you stop repeating this pattern?

A. Learn to recognize early signs of avoidant partners. Avoidant partners often struggle to share feelings, need a lot of space, get overwhelmed by emotional closeness, send mixed signals and disappear during stress. You can learn to spot this before you get attached.

B. Slow down the pace of emotional investment. Anxious partners often bond quickly. You need to take time, observe consistency, see how someone handles stress and see how they communicate needs. Attachment should build gradually, not instantly.

C. Build emotional regulation skills. This helps you pause before reacting, tolerate uncertainty, avoid panic-driven decisions and communicate calmly. There is the difference between reacting and responding.

D. Choose partners who are emotionally available. You deserve someone who texts back, shows up, communicates and doesn’t disappear. Compatibility matters more than chemistry.

E. Strengthen your sense of self. The more grounded you feel in yourself, the less you’ll chase, panic, overthink, idealize your partner and lose yourself in relationships. This is long-term work, but it changes everything.

Being grounded in yourself means you have a steady emotional center, so you don’t fall apart when someone pulls away, gets busy, or doesn’t respond right away. It means you know who you are, what you need, and how to calm yourself without relying on another person to make you feel okay. When you’re grounded, you don’t panic, chase, or lose your identity in a relationship — you can pause, breathe, and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting from fear. It’s basically the difference between feeling like your whole world depends on someone else and feeling like you can stand on your own two feet even when things are uncertain.

🌱🛡️🌿🧘🤍 Anita

I’m really looking forward to understand better in the morning. What’s clear to me now is that your love for her has been intense for so long. Intense is the word.

B Back Thurs morning (Wed 8 pm here).

🤍🌙 Anita

Dear Alecsee:

I’m just not focused enough to process your post of 5 minutes ago, being that it’s night time here, but I intend to listen and process tomorrow morning 🌄, in about 12 hours from now.

I don’t know what time it is where you’re at.

Try to be there for you, even if no one else is. Try to have empathy for yourself, be on your side.

🤍🌙🙏 Anita