Dear Clara:

“I am recovering very quickly. There used to be this emotion tsunami , but now they became ripples only. I could identify it in my chest when it came, and as it builds up to a certain point, I sit with it and often times my tears would come out, and I would become better. After repetitive trials, I am quite used to the pattern and I can just let it be“- emotion regulation successfully practiced: emotional tsunami=> emotional ripples. Well done!

“I do still, from time to time, see if she has updated on IG… it is kind of a habit to check on how she is, I see myself doing it less and less“- less and less is progress.

“The anger is still inside, and I would need to settle it on my own and I don’t expect her to do anything or would understand, coz if she does, she would already have done something“- your anger is understandable, your reasoning- impeccable, and you taking responsibility for your anger- admirable!

“I am now practicing a bit more yoga now… There is this yoga teacher whom I quite like… I realized I could have some fun time, with someone else, completely unaffected by the though of my ex“- this is how emotional recovery in progress feels like.

“the other thought that came immediately, was the thing you mentioned: adding logic to the heart. Even If I like this person, do I know this person well enough? is this mutual?…  I probably wouldn’t look via this lens before, but now, I think I am starting to have this lens now, which I think is an improvement as this balances my sentiments, which I had a lot when I began to like a person… I was too rush before , that made me unable to see clearly“- excellent insight into yourself and wise self-counsel/ guidance!

“I am still actively thinking to adopt an animal, this, unlike the thought of my ex, is getting stronger rather than weaker… this can be a decade long commitment (and we certainly won’t break up so this may be the longest relationship I have, so far. Careful and deliberate considerations are needed!)“- careful and deliberate considerations are needed, and information-gathering is very important in the process (see my recent experience below).

“Have a good evening Anita, welcome to let me know how you have been“- Tues morning here, Tues night where you’re at, I hope that you are (or soon will be) sleeping restfully.

About how I’ve been, in connection to adopting a pet: recently a couple who want to give away their 9-year-old beagle brought me their pet for the first introduction. They didn’t mention it before, so seeing the huge fatty tumor on the side of the dog was a very unpleasant surprise for me. If I adopted the dog, first thing I’d need to do is have that huge tumor (1/4 of the dog’s volume, in think) removed in a surgery, there may be complications, and definitely a long post-surgery care required. It was a No, on my part. (info: Fatty tumors are more common in older, overweight dogs than it is in younger, healthy-weight dogs. it is also more common in some breeds than in others).

anita

Dear Clara: will read and reply in about 12 hours from now.

anita

Dear Shandrea:

It was neither a career choice (I never really had a career, but instead:  temporary jobs), nor a hobby. It was getting to feel like a child again, a child from whom I disconnected/ dissociated in my first decade of life. Most of my life (ever since I remember myself) I was neither a child (joyful, social, interactive), nor an adult (a post-child mature person). Instead, I drifted in a no-land of dissociated/ disconnected state of mind.

With healing (part of which is my 9-year-long interactions in this website), I finally reconnected to the child-within me that’s been neglected for so long. I simply feel.. part of me. it’s a feeling, a state of mind.

anita

How are you, Clara?

anita

Dear Lilly-Mae:

It’s okay about not getting back to me earlier. I am sorry to read that you were severely depressed (when you posted the above, exactly 7 hours ago), in deep emotional pain, feeling invaluable/ less valuable than the other woman. I remember feeling similarly: it was like having a hole in my soul, one that ached and enraged, demanding to be filled. It is difficult to endure such pain.

How are you feeling now?

anita

Dear Cristiane:

He was born with no dark secrets, no dark side. Then things happened, “childhood and neglected from his absent father“, to start with, and he got sick as a result: “he had long history of mental illness precisely depression… a compulsive obsessive disorder…  pre diabetes, broken back, gastrointestinal issues and severe insomnias“, and a dark side was born: “he enjoyed inflicting pain to the women he had relationships… He had high body count“, a high count of pain-inflictions.

“I consider myself a spiritual person and for me high body counts it’s mean broken soul. When you lie down with someone you don’t just give your body and pleasure. You give your soul to someone else. Every time you give yourself , you lose one part of your soul. It’s like your soul is shattered in 1000 piece of glasses. On the long run, you lose yourself!  Once your soul has all these lesions and cracks, you need to find a therapist to help you how to heal!“- very well articulated, talented writing of a loving soul.

A broken soul should not break other souls. Need to contain one’s broken soul and heal it. And then spread the healing to others.

anita

Good to read back from you, Shandrea! I’ll post more tomorrow.

anita

Dear Klast:

“What is god? The ultimate self responsibility avoidance“- that’s hilarious, never read this before. We better do better than god, then, so that he/ she/ it can look up to us for guidance.

“I have been through all the depersonalisation, derealisation and dissociation… It is only just recently that I have been throwing a tantrum about it all, triggered by my emotional development restarting“- re-associating with anger, re-personalizing your life: making it personal and real.

“I have been doing everything I can to encourage neuroplasticity and neurogenesis. However I feel that is now no longer as effective due to the natural mental declination of the aging process“- I say that aging = practicing death until we get it right.

“I get mocked or treated with disdain, mostly at work. If I wasn’t constantly being triggered at work, and feeling obligated to work to cover living costs, I would be happier“- a reminder of how important it is to not mock others, to treat others (with aphasia or not, tics or not, short or tall, lean or obese, etc.) respectfully.

“My aphasia has gotten much better over time… These days you wont get anymore than a couple of sentences out of me“- improvement nonetheless.

“At the start of my radiation treatment, intuition made me look through the paperwork… It took them 4 hours to correct the error that day before beginning. I could have ended up a vegetable in a wheelchair or worse.“- saved by intuition! I had to google intuition to understand what it means because I forget the meaning of words, words I read and used many times before (a feature of my personal version of brain damage).

anita