Thinking about you and your dog..

How are you, With Feathers 🪶🕊️

I am sorry, Sophie, to see that you deleted your account. Before you did, I was already concerned because you got too much input, mostly mine. Too much to consider all at once. I overdid it and I regret it.

If you are reading this, I want to let you know that I hope to read from you again and that I will offer you less. Less.

anita

Dear Lady F:

I wanted to expand on my message from yesterday, now that I have more space to elaborate.

When someone is trapped in depression, their emotions can feel isolated, unheard, or even invalidated by those who—often with good intentions—try to “fix” them. But emotions don’t need fixing—they need space. You can support your sister by creating that space for her emotions in a way that feels safe and accepting.

Ways to Support Her:

1. Instead of offering her solutions, you might say:

“I hear you, and I can see how much you’re struggling.”

“It makes sense that you feel that way, and I’m here to listen.”

Hearing acceptance of her emotions without judgment can be deeply grounding and remind her that her feelings matter.

2. If she says things like “Nothing I do matters” or “I’ll never accomplish anything,” instead of contradicting her with statements like “You do matter!” or “You can accomplish anything you want!” (which may feel hard for her to accept), try shifting the perspective gently:

“I know it might feel that way right now. But I see so much in you, even if you can’t see it yet.”

“You’ve overcome more than you realize, and I believe in you.”

Small shifts like these plant seeds for future self-recognition, without forcing positivity when she isn’t ready for it.

3. Depression makes everything feel overwhelming, but gentle actions can slowly create movement:

Invite her to join you for a walk, a movie, or a quiet coffee outing—low-pressure activities that remind her she’s not alone.

Help her explore her dreams without pressure by asking gentle questions like, “What’s one small step toward something that matters to you?”

Offer non-verbal support, like sitting with her in silence or sending a lighthearted text if talking feels too difficult.

4. Take care yourself, as Alessa wisely suggested. Your own well-being matters too. If you need time to step away and recharge, you can let her know:

“I’m always here for you, and I care deeply. But I also need to take care of myself so I can keep showing up in the best way I can.”

Depression isn’t something anyone can fix, but love, presence, and validation can make a difference. Even if she struggles to see her worth right now, your steady support reminds her that it exists.

Sending you and your sister strength, Lady F. 💛

anita

* edit: I think there is something you can do for her

Dear Lunar:

First off, I just want to acknowledge again how exhausting and frustrating this situation must feel. You’ve moved to a new country, taken on jobs that don’t fulfill you, struggled to build connections, and all while navigating a relationship that feels more suffocating than loving. That’s a lot to carry, and it makes complete sense that you’re feeling isolated, unheard, and emotionally drained.

I’d like to respond more thoroughly to your initial post this morning:

“Firstly she will say I make a face and she “hates the face I am making,” usually when I am upset, distracted, annoyed, etc. She says the same thing to her family as well.”-

So—she doesn’t ask you how you feel or what’s behind the expression on your face. She just criticizes you for it because your emotions inconvenience her?

(This reminds me of my mother. I don’t think she ever asked me how I felt, but she definitely criticized me for the expressions on my face, accusing me of things based on emotions or expressions I hadn’t even chosen.)

If she dislikes seeing any negative emotions, it implies an expectation that you must always appear happy or neutral—which isn’t realistic or fair. Over time, this can make you feel like you have to monitor or suppress your emotions to maintain peace, walking on eggshells. But suppression leads to self-alienation and emotional exhaustion.

Instead of supporting you through your emotions, she’s trying to erase them. You shouldn’t have to mask your feelings to maintain peace—that’s not how love should function.

In a healthy relationship, emotions—even difficult ones—should be acknowledged, respected, and understood, not criticized or rejected.

Control isn’t love—it often stems from fear, insecurity, and unprocessed pain. You deserve acceptance—a relationship where your emotions are seen, your independence is respected, and your happiness isn’t measured by how well you conform to someone else’s expectations.

Love should never feel like a set of rules to follow. It should allow both people to be fully themselves, without fear of punishment or restriction. You are not wrong for wanting space, autonomy, and emotional freedom—those are basic human needs, and they deserve to be respected.

I hope you remind yourself that your needs matter. You are allowed to want a relationship that feels safe, open, and freeing—not one that requires constant justification or adaptation to someone else’s fears. I know this isn’t an easy situation, but I truly hope you find clarity, courage, and the space to honor what you need.

Sending you strength. 💛

Anita