Hi Sophie,

I’ve felt this way before. For me it was my relationship with some toxic people in my life. Once I started to move on from those people, things started to get better. Not seeing them anymore didn’t help much. I had to decide to let them go. Is there anyone in your life that could be causing these negative feelings?

Also, as Glen mentioned, working on something meaningful and inspiring to you can also help infuse your life with purpose. What do you love to do?

Now that I think about it, that time in my life was a pretty self-centered time. I had some habits that were clouding my life that I needed to work on. I am now trying to focus on other people while developing the weaknesses in my self, and I don’t feel that detachment as strongly anymore. Maybe you might want to try helping a person or two a day, even if they don’t realize you tried to help them. As Glen noted, I think you will find by focusing on creating goodness for others, more goodness will come back into your own life.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Mark.

Hi Mangtinez,

I know it is hard when we are surrounded by so much disappointment and sadness not to sometimes get lost in it, but try to focus on the possibilities instead lingering over things you have no control over. You could worry and blame yourself for your cat’s health issues, but it isn’t your fault and that doesn’t do any good. Focus on hope instead. What do you love to do? What makes you happy? You say you wish you could find another job that will allow you to grow more. Well, you can always get another job within two weeks! Imagining these possibilities and planning them like a vacation can provide a lot of hope. And then prepare for the worse case scenarios. If you’re cat does have cancer, you could always get another cat. If it turns out you don’t have a baby, you can always adopt. I also want a child and imagine the scenario of not being able to get a girl pregnant. But I still would want to adopt and watch a little one grow up and be able to be there for them.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Mark.

Hi Elsa,

This was really brutal to read. You took care of  a man who you love and still love but he left you after a successful surgery that made him not need your support anymore, but now you are wishing he would be there to support you as you are going through recovery for cancer.

I think you are right the only answer is time. But a lot of it has to do how you choose to spend that time. Usually I would suggest doing something you love, but I understand that chemo and heartbreak probably makes it difficult to get excited about very much.

You know what I found helps me when I am down or overwhelmed? Helping someone else out. You should try it. Choose someone who needs help and see if you can do something for him or her. I think it’s because focusing on someone else and the goodness you creates is a whole lot better for our happiness than focusing on losing someone we love or a disease.

Another thing that helps me get over someone is thinking about something about them that I didn’t like and anytime I am idealizing the person in my mind to “return” by thinking about the negative thing. It’s sort of reverse positivism that makes us feel more positive!

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Mark.

How does he make you feel? How do you think he will make you feel if you stay with him for a few months? You don’t have to stay with someone who makes you uncomfortable or who treats you badly. There are a lot of great guys out there. If you do decide to move on, take the search for someone else as an opportunity to develop into who you want to be.

I totally understand about having a special connection, though. There are a lot of guys out there who want a girl to think they are special. We can place so much emotions and meaning onto another person. Is it those original powerful feelings that are causing you to want to stay with him, or do you still feel enough for him to want to be with him? Sometimes guys start to take their partners for granted because they think they are special

You also don’t have to settle on a with him/without him scenario. You can take a break, remain close, help him without living with him. There are a lot of different possibilities out there.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Mark.

Hey Andrew,

I just wanted to suggest perhaps looking over the resentments with each of your family members or others you are in conflict with to think about if perhaps you are being too harsh or are in the wrong in the relationship with one of them. You sound like a very passionate person. Maybe taking some time to reflect and put yourself in their shoes for a few minutes to think about how they might be thinking of you. And then if you decide that you are being to0 harsh, take some more time to of a way you can make things right with them. It doesn’t even have to be obvious — just a sentence tossed into a conversation to let the person know that you care and want to make things right.

Also, mindfulness practice (not lingering on a troubling thought) and searching for cool things to do (Google and Yelp) can help with the boredom and maybe even some anxiety. Just finding ways to relax and not have your mind on all these things bothering you, then focusing again when they do.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Mark.

This is a really inspirational post. Every line could be a quote! Living life focusing on hope, instead of not moving on from something that we often don’t have control over anymore. There is so much beauty if you can see beyond the pain.