Forum Replies Created
March 6, 2014 at 6:47 am #52376
there s a fourth nasty wave that comes through too.. that i wasnt good enough and attentive enough, so kind of deserve it.. that does provide me some motivation (may be short lasting) to improve but still i believe it couldnt be good for growth long term.. i start to not like anything about me during these thoughts, from physical/social to emotional make up of my being.. has anyone had any experience towards this and has this kind of motivation helped transform anyone?February 25, 2014 at 5:46 pm #51756
” you don’t have to wait and ask for a dance from the mother of your babies, go find a partner that seems interesting and explore. You don’t have to have sex or become deeply intimate until you’re ready, letting it blossom naturally, and certainly not to be feared.” well said Matt, I both chuckled and got worried at the same time.. This is what i really want to do.. to meet people and explore, but my insecurities (much worse now) hold me back. and I am really trying to get “through” them. However, a part of me still wonders, how can you resist falling into the trap we call the infatuation phase/ the honeymoon period/ the love goggles/ le vie en rose ? physical intimacy follows and then am worried falling into this cycle of unhealthy attachment and co dependency, just as the last time ? other option is to wait till i am confident with my own self and then explore.. but that leaves me living like a hermit (which is where the original question of casual sex fits in) I , in my truest core, do not feel right doing this, but it still remains better than cheating on someone just because you were not brave enough to end it after getting intimate initially…February 23, 2014 at 8:42 am #51563
am i being completely out of line here?February 13, 2014 at 3:29 pm #50933
I dont have any solid advice brother, but i just had to reply and tell you that you are not alone or the only one going through this, life sucks sometimes. i have a very similar story, on another thread am still looking for the answers you are too. I hope you get some peace of mind and strength to get out of this mess. I ll pray for you,
CFebruary 13, 2014 at 3:26 pm #50932
Thanks Clay/Jackie/ ztwilliams, I agree with the self healing part and this being an opportunity to grow, but i feel stuck, Stuck as in I need to spew this poison out to move on. I hate the phrase moving on too, but acceptance, how am i to accept the woman i trusted more than myself did this, accept that I let her walk all over me even while we were dating, how can i accept i wasnt good enough for her or man enough to tell her what i felt after and still feel. She really bullshitted me for months after i found out, and i kept buying it saying nothing, just crying, even though in the back of my head i knew she s lying. and then she lied some more, at that point i just let her go queitly and did not contact afterwards even though she kept telling me shes sorry and wanted me to take her back. But i never got to really tell her what i feel of her doings and her fake apologies, about the other guy and how i want them to suffer something similar someday. and these things haunt me, prevent me from moving on. She s even made sex dirty for me, I recently had a connection with someone and a chance of intimacy, but i bailed out , almost insulting the other girl. its really emasculating, this feeling of self hate and inadequacy. I really hope some counselling helps me, apart from the buddhist principles of compassion and forgiveness (which i need so much right now)February 7, 2014 at 5:06 pm #50527
Thank you for the support and kind words.
Sherry: I cant tell u how many times I have thought of revenge, to bad mouth her and spread it around, to call her family who loved me once, and to really go upto that scoundrel’s house who did not think twice before doing this ( he really played with her head till she gave in, kind of emotionally raped her) and let him have it.. but I always thought of myself being a better man that that and am worried these actions will ruin my life and career, only sometimes it makes me feel like a lesser man and just decreases my self esteem down to the pits, feels like i was just this weak person who stood there and did nothing, accepted all those lies, all while trying to calm her when she d cry. I hate what i had become with her.
I am so insecure with myself, cant talk to any prospects any more, I think i am too scared now. Dont know if gender plays a role here, ie is this process different for a man than a woman, do and should men cope differently to these situations. Will try counselling soon, even though I thought I would be able to get over it with introspection. I still cry and scream and exercise and medidate, but havent seen a light in this tunnel yet.
My heartfelt gratitude for everyone’s replies, they really support the healthy part of the conflict in my head.