Hi Anita and Airene,

We’ve sorted everything out, come to an understanding. He explained the stripper better at his bucks night, it’s not going to be a sexual thing for him, just novelty, something fun/funny. So more awkward in reality. He’s insisting on touching her, despite my feelings about it – it’s hard not to consider that wrong when it’s normally considered wrong and cheating but he won’t take it too far and won’t see it as sexual. We only want to get married, it doesn’t mean we will. So I think I’m just going to drop it for now, if I can. And he’s going to try and communicate better, we both are.

Thank you.

Hi Airene,

We’re not all perfect and I don’t want to give up so soon, that’s haopened to me too many times. I don’t mind compromising on this if it does happen, I think it’d be fun to have a male stripper at my hens night. I’m just worried he’ll get out of control, touch her or she’ll touch him and he’ll do something I can’t forgive him for. The problem is that he won’t reasure me that won’t happen, the way he talks about how guys are makes me think this happen and he can’t seem to realise to ask me why I’m uncomfortable about something and tell me it won’t be like that. But I’ve told him now and he just hasn’t replied and I’ve told him I don’t want to change either and don’t want to have to allow and live with things I’m not comfortable with. We haven’t been together that long, I don’t want to leave him without trying to work things out first.

Hi,

I wasn’t very clear, he has stopped doing that and it’s no longer an issue. I told him I’m not comfortable with having a stripper for his bucks night, he basically said no because it’s normal and fun. I tried to compromise with what I’m comfortable with and he won’t respond or agree. So now I’m worried he’ll always act like this when something comes up, big or small, because he acted the same way about Instagram and other things and I don’t know what to do. I’m going to try and talk to him about it. Other than this he’s perfect.

Hi Anita

it’s not about wanting more, it’s about having something and having something to live for. Before I became a personal trainer I didn’t have that, I didn’t really have any purpose even though I had things I wanted to do in life. Now I’m able to achieve those things i wanted to achieve years ago. I wanted a new car years ago, I wanted to move out and be fully independent years ago. Have friends years ago, I lost all my friends from high school and haven’t been able to make more for various reasons. I wanted a stable relationship and be married by now, I didn’t get that for various reasons. Now I can have those things, but I haven’t or don’t get to space those things out so it’s easier to achieve.

I feel a lot better now that I’ve spoken about it, and I’ll try to focus fully on one goal at a time. So thank you for responding to me, and anyone else who has responded.

Hi, thank you for replying.

I would feel like a failure in a sense that I didn’t do what I wanted to achieve, I’ve always strongly wanted kids, to be a mother.

Unfortunately, it’d be almost impossible to meet someone who doesn’t look at porn to some degree these days. It’s sadly extremely normal. He doesn’t look at anything that upsets though.

It is more carefree, but it costs a lot in fuel and has no air conditioning and will one day die on me. I’d much rather a new car, that’s safer, comfortable and cheaper to run.

I do feel a lot of stress in achieving these things and I’m not sure what to do about it, stress doesn’t workout for me, I shut down, become irritable and unfocused – decision making becomes too hard and my job relies on me making choices for other people. I’m going through new things and it’s stressful.