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Hi there Honey,
First I would just like to say that I certainly understand how you feel to, at least, a certain extent. I’ve dealt with my own depression now for about 4 years- it got worse at first but now I can thankfully say I am better now. I hope you have a support system you can turn to. Please take what I say with a grain of salt- these are just of the things that have helped me and hopefully can help you.
Everyone on this planet probably ponders what the meaning of their life is. Nothing is promised and things are in a constant state of flux, but that doesn’t mean you have to be afraid of life. Your life does have meaning even if you can’t really see that or come up with a good reason now.
I’m 21 and still learning how to be okay. Life can be boring and repetitive sometimes, I can totally agree. Things change and life can be very different 6 months or year from now. Your life and who you are will not always be this way right now. I advise to not fight what you feel or try to stuff it down. This will create resistance in your mental and probably lead to feeling more exhausted. I did this and almost came close to a mental breakdown a few times. It’s okay not be okay sometimes. Don’t fake it. Be gentle with yourself and especially don’t be hard on yourself for not being able to do this and that. Depression takes a lot out of a person and you have limited energy most of the time. Go to school and delve into your hobbies when you can. Please remind yourself you’re doing to best you can, we all are!
2) Exercise and meditation
Since you said you like mediation, I would recommend trying to do that at least for 5 minutes a day. Something small and then you can build for longer if you want. I understand that everything can seem so unbalanced and overwhelming. The chaos in your head can seem unbearable. This is where you can hopefully have some peace for a few minutes. Just something small for yourself to do so you can overtime feel even a little bit more balanced. I meditate right before I go to sleep and sometimes in the morning when I have time.
Exercise is one of the things that has helped me the most. I know its the farthest thing from our minds sometimes when we feel we have below zero energy but I promise this help 1) create endorphins and 2) move your body so you’re not still all the time. Exercise over time creates more energy and endurance and elevates your mood. Idk if you experience brain fog or the feeling like you can’t wake up, I know I did. I found that the more I took care of myself top-down (working out for body) it improved the top-up (my brain and how it regulated my moods). Now I exercise regularly cause I have to, to me it’s akin to a meditation I need.
This one’s kinda obvious but if you can I would invest in therapy. At your school maybe or elsewhere if you can afford it. There are also sliding scale therapy so you can do so without the high cost and it fits your budget if money is a concern. There is no shame in seeking help when you’re struggling. If you can’t talk about things with a friend or family member without their being judgement- speaking to someone that is a third party not familiar with you is incredibly helpful. It can be scary but the things we push ourselves to do cause us the most fear are what changes our life. I went to group therapy and continue to still do individual therapy.
4) Talk to your friends or any support network you have
Talking with family was not always an option for me so I met people who became my friend through therapy and also people I knew always that I could really trust with my most personal thoughts and struggles. Pushing people away (if you do, I did) is not good and will lead to isolation which can make you feel even more alone. You are never alone. You’re gonna need support during this time and you need people for that. I learned the hard way. You always have this site to talk to people as well. I learned the hard way.
I go to school and work full-time so I just do what I know works for me and always make time to be kind to myself whether that’s working out, reading, writing, music, or my new hobby- photography :). Life can be stressful and there are obligations that we all need to attend to but take one step at a time doing it. If you don’t take care of yourself you can’t expect to have the mental strength to progress in life in any aspect. You’re only human and we all go through the highs and lows of life. You’re still really young- problems and life and seem really monumental, but things do get better. <3
I am sorry for such a long post but I hope. Just start where ever you want to start. Really cliche but true: you can’t do the same thing over again and expect a different outcome.
I’m glad I was able to help you just a little.:) I think that article is has some really good food for thought. You are definitely not alone and letting certain things go is freeing. I know its worth it even if the process is frustrating the painful. You can shoot me an email @: email@example.com
I have to agree with Anita that going to therapy will be the best thing in the long run. It can be hard at first but its definitely worth it. Either individual or group therapy- I’ve personally done both and each has their value. I can understand about feeling disconnected to people because not everyone will get it. Its important to process the emotions and not repress them because I’ve done that and nothing goes away trying to push down what you’re feeling. I found journaling really has helped. Maybe something creative to channel that negativity you feel: either its painting, writing, reading, or exercising. When you feel in a fog like that inactivity can make it worse- perhaps dance around to a great song! Hopefully practicing even just small forms of self-care repeatedly will bring a bit more balance so you can enjoy yoga and mediation. Wishing you the best <3
Thanks for sharing nz133! You, me, as well as millions of people have difficulty with this thing- its ok. The thing with expectations is its a weird trap that WE put ourselves in sadly. I recommend reading this article by GARY VAYNERCHUK: “HOW TO HAVE ZERO EXPECTATIONS”. I like how we talks about having empathy for people because most of the time we knew truly know why that person did that action and in consequence we get let down. But it does not have to be that way if we tweak our thinking because having our happiness hinge upon other actions is risky and unsustainable. Of course, it still okay to have expectations but try to learn to not take it personally when these certain outcomes don’t happen. This requires to many of us to let go of how things “should” be. You give yourself happiness- you give yourself peace. Its always inside of you:)
As a fellow young person (21 yay!), I still have trouble with this but I try to better myself everyday – starting with changing my thinking patterns. I’ve had people do cruel things (esp. from family) and I’ve just come to a point where I take it as a learning lesson. I can’t control them- I can only control myself. I wish you luck and hope this helped in any way. Take care of yourself and practicing forms of self care like writing can never do you wrong! You should pursue writing if it makes you happy- you never know where it will lead!
I am terribly sorry for the intense emotions you’re feeling- I know it can be overwhelming. What I want to get across right away is that you are NOT your emotions- you’re just experiencing them. Making that distinction is so crucial because it can become very easy to fall into this belief that I AM this depression or I AM this anxiety. You are much more than that. This coming from a person who went through a 4 year struggle with depression. It gets better- please hold on to this statement: This is just temporary. Remind yourself everyday because situations do become better with time.
For school- It sounds like you need to give yourself some self care. School is important but maintaining good mental health always trumps school. From your writing it sounds like you can be very hard on yourself- please give yourself a break when needed and try do your best on exams/assignments. At the end of the day that’s all we can do in anything- just our best effort. Pace yourself and do one step at time- thinking about the entirety of what needs to get done can be stressful and self- defeating.
Your mother- I don’t know much context of the relationship between you and your mother but try to have effective open communication with her. If she loves you she’ll understand that you’ve going through a rough time and her yelling at you makes it worse. A person is can’t know something until you tell them. Try to have a honest conversation with her and see what happens. Also, you have a right to set up boundaries with your mother. Parents always talk about respecting them but children need to be respected as well. If she continues to shout after you’ve told her how you feel- immediately go to a safe space where she isn’t there- ex: library, your room, friends house, exct. Distance is sometimes the best thing. Its ok/important to protect yourself especially when it comes to family.
Friends- ” I used to have close friends in school but not anymore.(my friends really hurt me)- I don’t know if you’ve tried to reach out to your previous friends and tell them how they hurt you. Maybe try to reach out to them to see if some friendships can be rekindled. I know its scary to vocalize and share your vulnerability but the best things can happen and change for the better if you do. If it happens to be that you cannot be friends with them try to find new friends. It can be really lonely without people and everybody needs support and to socialize sometimes. I don’t know if you lean more towards being introverted (that is completely ok) but try to go out of your comfort zone and meet new people. It can be really scary to confide in people but trust me a lot of people feel the same way you do. I know I did (and still do at times)!!
If you are going through really dark moments I would highly recommend therapy- either group or individual. Since you go to university- I would utilize any services they offer and then look elsewhere. Therapy can benefit everyone- if you really want to make things better its pivotal to take that first step towards getting help. Another tip: Please try to be kind to yourself. We’re our own worst critic. Even though it feels like it, life doesn’t have to be so serious- its meant to be enjoyed.
Tips for well being:
Listen to music, talk to friends, go to the beach, spend time with family, being around animals/nature, therapy, exercise (there a reason exercise benefits so many esp. people who deal with depression), journaling to better understand yourself, literary anything that makes you happy do it!
I’ll leave you with these- life gets so much better when you change your perspectives towards yourself and circumstances. It gets better. You matter and are loved. Its hard but don’t give up. You’re stronger than you know. <3