Looks like Rosa made one post and done. Hasn’t been back. No way to message. So, reply here.
Even though the name of the forum has the word Buddha in it, it really isn’t a Buddhist website.
Rarely is there talk about meditation and enlightenment. However, this place does allow for those who may have issues to find a sympathetic heart. There are people who who have much heart and good wishes. There is much compassion but not enough wisdom as in what the Buddha would have said. The Buddha would always be directing one toward spiritual growth.

So if you are looking for an ear to listen to your woes, this is an excellent place for a compassion.
Advice sometimes comes in the expression of sympathy. But, truly no one wants to give bad advice.
There are many who would like to be friends. Just come back and post.

Hi Lunar,
Controlling wife? Have to live by her rules? I am pretty sure she loves you very much.
It is difficult to live under the control of someone else. But, for love, you just have to shower her with affection.
Then have good conversations where you show how you feel without “the face”. Not all at once but little by little.
The affection will keep her mind open to listen you. The soft voice and willingness to compromise will help move this relationship forward. The nature of the world is change. And things will change. Just be willing to make it happen over time. Good luck.

Anyone want to hear a man’s opinion of what seems to have happened in this relationship? It can be crude and harsh to read. Most men are simple and reactive. Present a good front and things seem to go well. If one begins to express frustration then it becomes annoying. No man wants to hear how bad he is. You may think that is not how it came out. If it isn’t encouragement to do more because it is fun and makes one happy then it is like complaints. In one ear and out the other. He says he wants to you then you say you need space. That means rejection. Rejection from someone you don’t know is easy to take. Rejection from someone you care about, that hurts. Just seems the two people involved were on two different planets. The only thing to do is to grow from your experiences. Someone better will come along. Just be open to love.

Anita,

There is nothing to regret. I needed to be told off. So, life goes on. It is just time to get over it and move on. Thanks

Tommy

Dear Alessa,

Hope the baby is healthy, happy and safe. And, I hope you and yours are doing well. Dementia would fine if it was just a matter of losing memories. I could use some of that to lose some past memories that haunt me. But, Dementia also takes away the ability to think and form words. It clouds the mind. My grandmother on my mother’s side and my mother had it later in her life (mid seventies). I saw it and know there isn’t much that can be done. But, I feel it is going to happen to me. I am nearing that age. Wife doesn’t believe it. So, we don’t talk about it. That is how we handle it.

When I was younger, I liked to fix things. If a lamp stopped working then I would try to fix it. It made sense of the world. So, I learned to fix plumbing, electrical work and cars. I have fixed a few TVs and one video cassette player. Helped do some plumbing is relative’s house (putting in a new bathroom). Have done regular maintenance on my car. And replaced a couple of CV axles and alternators. Simple stuff. I don’t know what it will be like to live without being able to help fix things. Eh, don’t pity me. It is just life.

I am glad that I learned some Buddhism. Practice some meditation. And try to be a better person. I just hope Karma isn’t so harsh on me in the next lifetime. Well, too much about me. Oh, thanks for the advice. Will look into some of that. Spent lots of time on YouTube. Some on Buddhism and mostly on fixing car videos.

Hope you and yours stay well.

Tommy

Maybe the message is right but the way it is said is wrong. After all, don’t we want the person to get over it? To get past this thing which is hurting them and keeping them from moving on? If a person is stuck in the past and continues to make more of the same mistakes. Creates more memories of hurt. Then what is a person trying to help to do? I know I have done wrong and was too abrasive in my posts. You have pointed this out very clearly. Seeing one go on and on about how terrible this person or that person is to them. Then to continue involving themselves in those people’s lives creating more hurt, more trauma? You know what the right thing for the person to do but they refuse to do it. It is like they are drowning in a pool of water and you give them a hand to get out of the pool but they refuse to take take your hand. They would rather drown in their own pain and sorrow.

Yes, it is harmful to say get over it. I have learned my lesson. Thanks for the guilt trip. Moving on.
Yeah, it doesn’t matter if the intent is good if the resulting action was bad. I get it. Moving on.

Dear Anita,
You did what you thought was right. And I admit I was pompous when commenting on Lily-Mae. We all create our own situations. And when they are self defeating, we need to get out from under it. (that was about me) Did not want it to sound like the idiot that I was saying this to her. She needs to see her own situation for what it is and then find a way to move forward. (We all do) That therapy or compassion that she needs or anyone with pain can’t come from me. No excuses. I am not a very compassionate person. So, you were right. I got angry for being told the truth about myself. And, with time and some space I can see I was wrong. But, even when someone does their time and pays for their transgressions, it doesn’t go away. And this is why some people move to find a fresh beginning. Staying here would bring Karma around to kick my butt.

My teacher said that karma is created by the person. Much like blowing up a balloon. Stop blowing, stop creating Karma then it all deflates and comes out. So I have created much Karma here. I see that when you bring up Lily-Mae. I have great feelings of kindness and support from everyone here. But, it is time to let go the balloon. I really must keep my word and leave.

Tommy

The king asked his advisors to help him remember that happiness and sadness are temporary events. So, the advisors made a ring with the inscription “This Too Shall Pass”. He could then look upon the ring in times of joy and sorrow and keep his perspective or balance.

Dear Anita,

I had forgotten about that thread. Unfortunately, she had created her own issues and does need to move on. I was too rude and pushy to give advice even if it may have been correct advice. The approach should have had more kindness. The apology was sincere. And, people when hurt will strike out. My fault. But, I wasn’t talking about her in my previous post. As the monk who dropped the woman by the creek, I have let that go. Why do you still carry it? Do you wish to scold me? I am wrong, yes. I know and i acknowledge that. I am sorry.

A former casual friend, Tara, is a person who transitioned from a man to woman. In a conversation about Trump signing an executive order to stop men from competing in women’s sports, I stated that men who transitioned and then competed in women’s sport have a physical advantage. Giving examples being Renee Richards and Lia Thompson. She wanted me to site sources and provide proof. She then went into a rant where she accused me of being transphobic and full or prejudice and hatred. Cursed at and berated. I apologized. Then accused of just not being truly remorseful and just … whatever. I apologized a few more times. I could have just walked away. She has no meaning in my life. But, I apologized. So, no choice but to lose a friend and walk away. A short instance of expressing an opinion. Guess there must have been a way to be kinder in my expression of this. Or maybe to not to bring it up at all?? Yeah, I regret saying anything.

It is a tough thing to bring compassion with advice. For too much compassion, only helps a person stay trapped in their own self made prison. And too little compassion offends everyone. And so, I do believe that I am not a person to give advice. And probably shouldn’t even give my opinion about things. When I read something with a bias one way, then I tend to lean the other way. This gets me into more trouble. People are blessed to have people here who really care and try hard to help others. They make friends who care. Anyway, I have said my peace. And think it best I don’t express myself anymore. Don’t know who I might offend next. I wish everyone well and to have a great life.

Tommy.

Note: No matter how far we go or transition, there will always be some hint of the past that follows us. I am now tagged as the idiot who shot off his mouth and hurt those who were already wounded. Time to move on and find a place where I can start fresh.