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beni

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  • June 20, 2023 at 3:21 am in reply to: How can I do what I wan’t to do with joy? #420195
    beni
    Participant

    Thanks, Hellcat

    [quote quote=420168]I learned that it’s okay for some chores to wait.
    [/quote]

    I’m good at accepting this. The world does not fall apart. I don’t want to cook. I can order food. I can live with more chaos in the house. For shure it feels different inside the house with and without order. The time will come where I want to do it, if I really want to. If I don’t want to there is wrong intention or lack of clarity.

    [quote quote=420168]
    The most important things can be handled first. It’s good that you’ve identified that you have a strong desire for connection with people. It’s really important to incorporate your favourite things from your pre-pain lifestyle but perhaps in a modified sustainable way. Do you think there’s a reason why you make more of an effort to do chores around other people?
    [/quote]

    I naturaly take care of everyone around me. Boundaries and my business, not my business are things I reflect upon a lot. I have to be very careful to only give with harmony to myself.

    I think it’s not about the chores. It’ might be something like:

    I want connection, I need to do something for it to deserve it. Like, I have a Garden where I can invite people too. Actually I just want to invite people. I deep down I know that. It’s like my core motivation is crooked. Actually I just want to be connected. This should go first. For shure I like to be in nature, to create things. To have a clean house.

    A simile might be: He is hungry so he goes and plants potatoes. It’s no joy to do that because actually in your heart you know it will not feed you.

    [quote quote=420168]
    I like chatGPTs advice about a lack of clarity about why you want to do chores. I had to learn to really focus on motivation to do chores with pain issues. Sometimes this was celebrating small wins by taking before and after photos. Sometimes it acknowledging that I was cleaning because I have allergies and it helped me to breathe.
    [/quote]

    It makes me happy to read that you found this ways. I want to try out taking picture before and after. Also I wan’t to be more clear why I’m doing things. Non Violent Communication has beautiful aspects about this. “I want to do it because I…”

    [quote quote=420168]
    Hmm how to stay connected? Do you feel like you aren’t spending as much time with people because of your health issues? Do you find it harder to leave the house? Are people less willing to visit you? What are the challenges there?[/quote]

    The health issue is not so important, it actually makes me spend more time with people because else I can’t take it. I think it’s bigger. It’s more difficult to leave the house than to not leave it. I feel more vulnerable.
    Usually I visit people. I think it really is about that I do not have a strong social web. I tend to have a lot of friends and know a lot of people but no best or close friend. I have some people in mind which can be that and I think I could have the strengh now to make it happen.
    I have the strengh because this conversation helped me realize that actually it’s one of my biggest needs.

    June 19, 2023 at 3:22 pm in reply to: How can I do what I wan’t to do with joy? #420164
    beni
    Participant

    Hi Helcat,

    Thanks for your message.

    <blockquote>
    I know that I have felt similarly in the past when I felt a disconnect between what I wanted for my life and what actually was.

    </blockquote>

    Thank’s for this sentence. I’m still reflecting upon it.

    <blockquote>
    It sounds like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself.
    </blockquote>

    I’d say it this way. There’s a lot of pressure inside of me. It’s what kept me going. Without nourishing it I’m kinda lost.

    <blockquote>
    I have found that the most important thing to have is patience with yourself because we are often out of control in regards to the timeframe of when things happen. Some things take a lot of time, hard work and are difficult to achieve.

    I find it helpful to focus on one step at a time. There is a saying. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
    </blockquote>

    Thank’s for the saying I’ll remember it. It’s hard to accept that it takes years rather than months.

    <blockquote>
    It sounds like your first step is planning how to achieve your goal. It’s a good idea to ask for help at this stage if you’re experiencing difficulties with it. There is no shame in it. Though it can feel uncomfortable for independent folks.

    </blockquote>

    I don’t think that’s it. I know what to do. It just hit me. I feel the same at work, I freeze, blackout then I feel helpless. And then I hear: “Beni, what are you doing!”

    June 19, 2023 at 2:48 pm in reply to: How can I do what I wan’t to do with joy? #420163
    beni
    Participant

    I have an update on the topic:

    The Titel of the Post is: “How can I do what I want with joy” – the negative would be: I know what I wan’t to do but I don’t want to do it.
    I ask this Guru ChatGPT and it told me a few things one of them was a lack of clarity why I’m doing it. Right know I belief that  what I actually want is deep connection with people.

    I got to this belief based on the following:
    – I have a trapped nerve atm and have a lot of pain. Painkillers don’t work. But what works is, when I’m with people and have meaningful connections. I still have pain but I can take it.

    – I haven’t done much cleaning and I stopped cooking because of this. I observed that when I was with people or am with people I do it again. I somehow can’t force myself to do things anymore. I rather don’t do it.

    I want to try this out with putting connecting/socializing on top of my bucket list.

    Can you relate to this and have tip’s on how to stay connected? Maybe it doesn’t make sense to you, then please challenge it.

    June 19, 2023 at 2:40 pm in reply to: How can I do what I wan’t to do with joy? #420162
    beni
    Participant

    Hi Tee,

    Thanks for the reply. I’m very grateful for this.

    “Are painting and gardening things that you would like to try, like hobbies, or it’s something which feels more like chores? Usually, we find joy in our hobbies, because those are the things we like and no one forces us to do them. On the contrary, if the joy is missing, maybe it means there is some expectation on yourself that you should do those things, but you don’t really want to.”

    Yes, it’s hobbies I’m doing and when I think about doing it it feels good. Just doing it often feels like a wheelbarrel with a flat tire.

    “Yes, it could be that you feel you need to do everything by yourself, which takes out the joy from it. Could it be that what you feel is something like this: you’d like to have a nice garden, but you don’t know how to go about it. You feel you need to figure it out all by yourself, and that’s scary. And you feel you can’t ask anyone because you will be seen as a burden if you do?”

    I know which is the next step to take. There is fear involved, I tend to freeze and have a blackout. I can be fully present, no thought’s and still blackout. I think it’s part of this wheelbarrel state. My current strategy is/was to just keep going and learn by doing. It is scary.

    I feel guilty if I get help from someone. It’s hard to receive.

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