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Bianca

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)
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  • in reply to: I don’t know what to do. (In a limbo) #409145
    Bianca
    Participant

    Hi, this is totally unrelated, but I could use some advice. I was walking with my friend the other day and all of a sudden she spit on my face. It was accidental, but I thought it was purposeful and spit on her back. I did it as a joke, but I definitely took it way too far. I feel terrible and apologized, and she said it was ok and thought it was funny, but I do not know what to do. I feel super guilty.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #385246
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I honestly can not think of any other thing it could be. I’m usually very open and honest.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #385225
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I can’t think of any lies I’ve told to my family recently, but I have felt guilty recently.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #385219
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I am more distressed about the feeling I’m lying to them because I love my family so much.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #385178
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    those people would be my parents, grandparents, and favorite cousins. I can’t seem to get out of my head. I have thought about every situation which could possibly be signs that I was gay, and my mind just instantly thinks yep your a lesbian. Every times I notice a girl my mind says that too, but all of this makes me sad and uncomfortable. I am scared of how long this could last, and I’m scared I’ll never figure out my sexuality. My heart always told me I was straight. I only ever wanted to look like actresses, never date them, but now it’s like my mind is constantly trying to know if those were crushes. All the things I know were crushes were on guys and I wanted a boyfriend and husband so bad, but now I can’t get out of my head.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384842
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Sorry about my very late response. My mom told me when I was a kid I was tested for other things, but not adhd. I really need someone to talk to. I got a therapist, but I don’t know how to explain exactly what I’m feeling. She thought my dream could be related to the fact I was an atheist, but that is a complicated story. I’m having such a hard time right now inside my mind. I can’t figure out what my sexuality is.My mind keeps pondering over what my thoughts mean and I’m so confused. These feelings don’t make me happy or excited, but they make me so stressed. And honestly so sad. Every time I’m with someone I love and care about my mind says your gay and you should tell them. When I don’t, I feel hot and guilty, but I don’t want to say anything when I don’t know what sexuality I am. People say listen to your heart, but I’m so stressed I can’t ever tell what it is saying anymore. Like I said, I’m so sad and disappointed at the idea of losing the possibility of a boyfriend or husband, but these thoughts won’t go away and I can’t tell if they’re true or not. The idea of a future with a girl make me sad, frustrated, and disappointed, but I can’t tell if I’m gay or not. I keep thinking about any time I might have seemed gay, and every time I find something it does not feel right. I liked having crushes on guys and dreaming about my future with them. Now this confusion makes me think I’ll be alone forever.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384482
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    some of my classmates have thought that but a doctor never has.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384423
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’ve always been loud and talkative, not because of anxiety, but because I can’t control it.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384418
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I still always talk loud.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384295
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I do think your idea is smart, but not what happens in this situation. I’ve always talked a lot and I’ve always had a loud voice. But I’ve also always been shunned for it which make friendships hard.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384271
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I don’t remember the first time. It has happened so many times. I do remember one time in the fifth grade, my whole class had a text group chat. I wasn’t on it because I had not had a phone. One of my closer friends at the time asked if they could add me, and people in my class said that they didn’t want to add me because I’d talk too much on TEXT! They also said they should create a group chat with me on it that they never used. I felt so upset. I cried multiple times because of that.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384225
    Bianca
    Participant

    Also, I pointed out that we’d been best friends for four years because that is the longest friendship I’ve ever had.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384224
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I could not make friends as a kid very well, and I would usually sit alone at lunch. It came to the point where the pe teacher would come sit with me. A lot of my friend groups and friendships fell apart because I’d always start drama, even though it was not purposeful. A lot of my friends say they are depressed, and I don’t know how to help them. One time, I said you should think of happier things so you won’t be sad. Of course that was the wrong thing to say, and my best friend of four years said I was being toxic. That really hurt. People say I talk to much too. Even though everyone else could be talking, I was always the one shushed or told I’m being too loud. I had gone to therapy to help my talking and friendship making before, but apparently it did not work. My dream guy or dream life was my way of thinking of a future where I was better, and people would be nicer to me. I’d have a good group of friends and the perfect soulmate. Now, I feel like I can’t think of that perfect life anymore because these thoughts keep getting g in the way.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384202
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I don’t think these thoughts are dangerous. When I was younger, I’ve had trouble making friends and keeping them. But I’ve always had my mind to help me through it. I’d think of my future with my dream guy and how I wouldn’t always feel lonely. I’m more worried that I’ll never sort out these thoughts, and that will effect me in the future. These thoughts also pop up when I’m trying to think of better things so when I have problems in the real world, I feel trapped.

    in reply to: Suddenly questioning my sexuality..? #384186
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    My mom just got me my first therapy appointment. I don’t know how to explain it as I said, but I tried changing my mindset to I might be bi are lesbian now, but something in my mind tells me that does not feel right. You seem like a very good person. Thank you so much for helping me and taking the time to talk to me. I told my best friend and she wants to talk to me about it but I don’t really want to. I don’t know why but I feel more comfortable talking about it with people I’m not close to. I really appreciate it.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 17 total)