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Suddenly questioning my sexuality..?

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Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 127 total)
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  • #385178
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    those people would be my parents, grandparents, and favorite cousins. I can’t seem to get out of my head. I have thought about every situation which could possibly be signs that I was gay, and my mind just instantly thinks yep your a lesbian. Every times I notice a girl my mind says that too, but all of this makes me sad and uncomfortable. I am scared of how long this could last, and I’m scared I’ll never figure out my sexuality. My heart always told me I was straight. I only ever wanted to look like actresses, never date them, but now it’s like my mind is constantly trying to know if those were crushes. All the things I know were crushes were on guys and I wanted a boyfriend and husband so bad, but now I can’t get out of my head.

    #385183
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Bianca:

    I will read your recent post and reply in about 10 hours from now.

    anita

    #385196
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Bianca:

    Previously you wrote: “Every time I’m with someone I love and care about my mind says you’re gay and you should tell them“.

    I then asked you who are those “someone’s”, and you answered yesterday: “those people would be my parents, grandparents, and favorite cousins”-

    – first, reads to me that you are a straight girl who is afraid that she is gay, so afraid that she is confused, but still.. straight. When a time comes that you are no longer afraid, you will no  longer be confused. In other words, it is Fear that Confuses you.

    I will combine the two sentences I italicized above: Every time I’m with my parents, grandparents, and favorite cousins whom I love and care about, my mind says: you’re gay and you should tell them.

    Is your Fear is about not being worthy of the love of those you care about (parents, grandparents, cousins), as in being afraid that your love for them will not be returned because you don’t deserve it?

    anita

    #385219
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I am more distressed about the feeling I’m lying to them because I love my family so much.

    #385222
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Bianca:

    Let’s try to understand this better so to get rid of the confusion, and much of the fear that is part of your confusion (I am thinking out loud as I proceed): you love your family so much, so much that you are afraid that you are lying to them about being straight…

    From all that you shared and from my years long experience reading from the online vast HOCD crowd, in this website, but mostly in another website that I no longer visit, I feel confident that you are not gay.

    What if you ARE lying to your family about something but it is not being straight, but about something else. Maybe lying is a strong word: maybe you are hiding something from your family and you feel guilty about hiding it? It could be something like that you feel anger at them but hide it and feel badly about feeling anger at them, or about hiding it from them… could be something else. Think about it and let me know.

    anita

    #385225
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I can’t think of any lies I’ve told to my family recently, but I have felt guilty recently.

    #385226
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Bianca:

    It us clear to me is that you are not guilty for not telling your parents and other family members that you are gay.. because it is not true that you are gay. So, I figure you feeling guilty is about something else.

    I have felt guilty recently“- if it’s guilt for something other than sexual orientation (which I don’t believe is the true issue), tell me what your guilt is about. I am asking for one reason and one reason only: to try to help you be clear about what is really troubling you.

    anita

    #385246
    Bianca
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I honestly can not think of any other thing it could be. I’m usually very open and honest.

    #385247
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Bianca:

    You can’t think of any other thing, and neither can I.

    anita

    #385490
    SPDM
    Participant

    Just got into the point where I don’t feel like myself anymore like I don’t know like I even think that I have lost my girly side and I was always very girly always on point I was always dressing up perfectly and I always took as much care of myself as I could when I went out and to make sure that I was always perfect for my boyfriend. I never thought that I would want to be in a relationship with a woman. I just want everything gone.

    #385489
    SPDM
    Participant

    And to continue I just want these thoughts gone. I’ve prayed for these thoughts to go away because it hurts my feelings towards my boyfriend which I don’t want to lose. I just want to go back to normal when everything was okay.

    #385488
    SPDM
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’m going something very similar these past days. I know that I am suffering with severe overthinking and anxiety. I watched porn when I was younger and I was watching I think more lesbian videos but I also watched many other categories. I’m a type of person that I would think everything and I would make up situation that probably no one else would think of even about life or about sex. I always thought that the female body was beautiful and I was always into men. About a year ago one of my best friends said that she was bi and I told my boyfriend what if I was bi too and he was like no you aren’t and I thought of that because I said that I wouldn’t have a problem doing something with a woman but that’s just a thought I don’t know if I could ever do it. I have stopped watching porn for many years now but I still remember everything. I am in a beautiful relationship to be years and three months now with my little soul ain’t that I love more than my whole life more than everything and I don’t wanna lose him. Sometimes I would go through phases where I thought I was bi because I would see Tik-Toks of girls and I would feel something tingling and that’s when I thought that oh my gosh does that mean that I like girls and that I am bi? And about some weeks ago I checked on a website that a friend has and she uploads videos of herself naked pictures and stuff like that and I wanted to see what else she has uploaded. And when I saw her thanks it was like porn stuff and I felt something tingling again. And when I saw her thanks it was like porn stuff and I felt something tingling again. When these phases and thoughts started coming in I always said that I want to die and I want to have sexual intercourse with a guy because that’s what it feels me and girls can’t reach that and that’s what I said again and it felt like it didn’t work. And I was thinking constantly that I might be bi and that I don’t care about what I do with my boyfriend and that I would prefer to do with a girl and these thoughts just kept coming up. I don’t want to be bi. But my brain keeps saying that you don’t mean it you don’t care if you are and you are you just don’t want excepted and that you will have to look at every girl that passes by you and now I just pay attention to what I feel like when I see stories on Instagram and pics of girls to make sure if something is tingling and sometimes it does but I don’t know if it happens because I paid too much attention it, or because I’m going through that phase now, because that phase stops too. It’s just that it is way worse now and play one hour crying I can’t eat I can’t sleep properly and everything. I don’t know what to do does that any of that mean that I am bi?

    Thank you in advance!

    #385499
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Bella:

    You can, if you want to, read my many posts to members in this 6-page thread, members who suffer from a very similar/ same issue as you suffer from. Maybe something in what I wrote to others will interest you. If you choose to take your time and read from this long thread, and you want to bring up to me things that you read for a discussion- you are welcome to do so, and I will reply to you further.

    anita

    #385500
    SPDM
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    thank you for your response! I think I’ve read everything from the thread here so that’s why I contacted you because some people suffer from the same issue as I do, but you know it differs from person to person and someone will have something different from someone else. I feel relieved that people feel like I do right now and I don’t feel like a problematic person. But this whole situation just doesn’t come out of my head because every time I meet my girl friends I think of that and I think that I like them and it makes me feel very bad. It just keeps me back and every time that I think that I will be around girls my mind things that you might like them and he might feel weird and every time that I see a girl I think of that. I just don’t want that to mean that I am bi. That’s why I contacted you because I just really want this whole situation to be gone.

    #385501
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Bella:

    You are welcome. Since you read everything from the thread, can you tell me what of my responses to other members apply to you too?

    anita

Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 127 total)

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