Hi Anita

Hope you’re doing well

When I daydream, I don’t always imagine to do epic stuff, sometimes I just imagine myself saying something funny, smart, seducing someone, making a good impression with a crush, dancing well, stuff like that. Sometimes I actually do these movements by myself and I am impressed by how good or energetic I can be. Then I go out and I either disappear or look weird, lol

By the way I spent another day mindlessly scrolling my phone and zoning out. I tried to put myself to study but I just couldn’t.

Gosh I know this experience very well and its pure hell. Right now I’m alone at home and can’t shake the feelings I’m too boring or dull to spend time with, maybe I come off too absent minded, who knows. It makes me suicidal. How does one get out of this? Why some humans are given love and connection while others have to feel unworthy for it, why others have to work for it?

I’d be interested in knowing more about how you felt in interacting with others, if you had social anxiety, if your interactions changed and improved after therapy (if you are comfortable answering, of course)

I know. What’s worse is that I’m doing all of this alone, there’s no one I can really honest with in real life besides this community.

Did you also experience this kind of self loathing? (I ask cause we share many common points)

Yeah, definitely such an experience will not be something I’ll forget easily, if anything, it’s pushing me to be more aware and mindful of how I behave around electricity and fire (it also needs to be added that because of this the whole building risked to be left without electricity, or worse, the fire could reach other apartments, I thank God no one was in the elevator in that moment, for example)

Why me saying that I’m dumb makes you cringe?

Dear Anita

Tonight for my stupidity I almost killed my roommates, by putting a wet blanket against a heater. When I went to check if it was dry enough to my horror I saw a small fire burning the heater, my blanket and a small part of forniture. If everything is safe now is because of one of my roommate cold reasoning that managed to suffucate the fire, while my stupid idea was to throw water at it. Gosh. There’s smoke all around the house, ashes of blankets and my own heater is completely destroyed. I can’t believe I caused all of it for a stupid idea I had

Dear Anita

The first one was addressed to you, the third was meant for anyone who had joined this topic and wanted to answer or add something

Gabi

Thanks for this consideration. I’m trying to be mindful of the present moment and just be in the here &now (it’s not always easy). Often I escape through internet and fantasying when reality feels too unbearable, sometimes it’s hard to do tasks or accomplish work, study, social life etc… I may feel lethargic and lazy but I guess it’s a common experience for so many of us out there. Wish you well