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Kay

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 50 total)
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  • in reply to: Scared to know #370837
    Kay
    Participant

    Hi anita,

     

    Actually i was able to kind of ask him in person if he was seeing other people. He said he is not, but honestly i do not know if i believe him.

    Then i do not remember what else i asked, but he said he was not looking for a relationship like leading to getting married and things like that. Which honestly is a relieve for me because that would kind of scare me. But all this part of the conversation is blurry, i do not know why it is hard to remember what i said or what he said.

    Honestly i would like to move with the flow, because it seems kind of safe. But i also realize any kind of relationship triggers anxiety on me which feels uncomfortable and i do not know if i should take a break. The good thing is that he will be out of town for a couple of weeks, which will leave me time to do not think much about it, hopefully!

    Kay

    in reply to: Scared to know #370756
    Kay
    Participant

    Hi anita,

     

    Thanks for your reply and sweet words.

     

    I think i can write a letter,  but i do not think i can give it to him. I have like extreme anxiety just thinking about it. Then i think: how i am supposed to have a relationship if i cannot even communicate about what “I want” to start with. 😭

     

    Kay

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310899
    Kay
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    This J guy did apologized. He said he did not say it clear at the begining because he was afraid of rejection and he did not know we were going to get along so well, and after the fact, he did not know how to say it without me running away.

    I feel somehow relieved and  respected if it makes sense. This is the first time that someone offers me an apology, an explanation.

    Othe than that i started to sleep more than a couple of hours a day.

    Thanks for reading and writing back!

    Kay

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by Kay.
    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310331
    Kay
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thanks for your words, i will be more careful about what people i get around. In the meantime i will work on trying to recover my sleep and energy!

     

    Mark,

    Thanks! I have to keep trying to find a therapist that works for me.

     

    Kay

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310309
    Kay
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Your therapist sounds like someone i would like to find, someone that really worries about parients and not just their money.
    Because all this, i realize that even without noticing it before i already have more than one  relationship in which i feel safe, my friends. They know i am not well and these days they have been trying to cheer me up and distract me from thinking negative.
    They do not know the whole story, some of them know i met this guy, and they did agree nack then that when he said he did not have time for a relationship stop right there and if the time was right we would see later. I regret i did not listen. But i am glad i have them around.
    Kay

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Kay.
    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310267
    Kay
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I am not sure what happened or why last year i became so anxious about wanting s reñationship. I feel like before at least i was safe from everyone. Right now there are times while i do not feel anything at all and thhere are others when i feel so much pain, mainly because all the time we spent together, this was kind of my longest “relationship” or whatever it was. I cannot sleep, but i do not feel sleepy, just empty and without energy.

    I started to see my ex-therapist after the first incident i posted before. I used to talk and she to listen and ask some questions during our sessions. Doing that, talking, i feel like i wss expresing all the suffering i was experiencing at the moment, and eventually i could go back to sleep back then. I was in a better shape and i agreed that i would not use online dating at least for a while. She suggested me to take a break, since i did not have like a lot to say.

    But after the second incident happened i contacted her and we went back the same dynamic, me talking and she listening and asking questions. Our sessions did not have a lot of follow up between one and the other even though she was taking notes, she was not prepared to continue were we left the previous time. This was not a lot of a problem for me because i just wanted to talk, because with that and her questions i could realize that i would be fine. Also, she was kind of flexible with my schedule which was yje main reason i choose her.

    The last sessions i saw her, i suggested togo through my childhood experiences, we did it for a couple of times but it was likd starting over everytime. Then sinces i looked good and i was really excited due my new job she suggested me to take a break because she did not see how she could help.

    Then i decided to try one of those online therapy apps, but i could not find any schedule to even have my first session, so i had to cancel it.

     

    Kay

     

    Kay

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310215
    Kay
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I will not contact him again, that is for sure.

    I read sometime ago about attachment theory, i think i am an anxious avoidant, craving for a relationship but scared at the same time. Maybe that is why subsconciously i always choose people that are not available or not good for me, so i can reinforce the belief that everyone eventually is going to abandon me.

    I read too that unhealty patterns can change, with help of therapy and all that. But the last time i was in therapy i felt like i overwhelmed my therapist and she sent me to take a break again, because she said she did not know how she could help me, that it seemed i had the answers already. Perhaps back then i was super excited because i got a new job and i saw everything positive and in a constructive way, but i still needed someone to talk to.

    Kay

     

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310213
    Kay
    Participant

    Hi Aiyana. Thanks!

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310205
    Kay
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I am surprised too, i use to avoid things that make me uncomfortable or feel insecure. Thanks!

     

    You are right, i did not agree to be involved in an open relationship, the only i did agree was not relationship, but not someone else involved. I do not knos what to do next, i kind of suspected he was with someone else a while ago. But anyhow i want to know a lot of answers, but probably the best is to just move on.

    He did not say anything back, i am glad, right now i feel my head heavy.

     

    Kay

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310197
    Kay
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I asked him, and at the begining he pretended he did not know what i was talking about, then he said he was in an complicated/open relationship with that woman.

     

    I just said “ah” and did not ask or said anything else. I wanted to ask him was he did not say that before and implied he was single, i wanted to ask since when, a lot of questions, but not sure if i want to know the answers.

    Kay

     

     

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310175
    Kay
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    I was going to send a short text message, no way i could do it in person!

    I was going to say something like:

    I know you do not owe me any explanation, however the other day i saw you with a woman and i would like to know who she was, because when i saw with her a part of me realized i might want you more than what i thought i did and i would like to set my expectations accordingly to do not get hurt or anything.

     

    Please let me know what do you think.

    Lay

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310155
    Kay
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    Thanks for taking the time to read and reply back. It makes sense that i do not want to get other people angry and get rejected in general and i do it by avoiding or running away when i think i cannot get what i want.

    What you mention sounds like a good idea, i will ask and see what he says back, but i am probably going to do it when i am less upset. Right now i cry easily and i could barely sleep last night (this has been happening for a couple of days before all this, but with the crying i feel like a zombie right now, i cannot think clearly) and i do not want to say something i did not mean because of having so many mixed feelings and thoughs right now.

    Yesterday i could calm down a bit. I will wait until i am more consistently calm before sating anything to him. Hopefully he does not contact me before that.

    Kay

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310093
    Kay
    Participant

    Mark,

    I am not sure, part of me want to forget what i saw and still be in that magic bubble. There is one more part of me wants to scream and ask for an explanation, why he did that, why he did not tell me he was with someone already?, do i look too fragile to him than he did not think i could handle it?, was he only playing with me?

    And finally there is part of me that is relieved all this is over, perhaps i always knew he was not available (emotionally or whatever).

    So, i do not know if i am ready to move on, i want him so much, i miss the time we spent together, the talks, feeling understood. I want to know why and since when he was with her, event though i am not sure i can handle the truth. I feel he is/was my friend and i do not want to lose him, but friends do not lie to each other, right? That is why i wonder if i should ask directly if he is with someone the next time he talk to me. Perhaps he had been trying to tell me over this weekend we talked, but i always changed the topic. He said: “now that i am less stressed i ask myself what next?, what do i want?”, “i do not know what words to say or not to say to you”, “what do you want”. I knew deep inside me, it was someone else.

    I know, a lot of contradiction in me.

     

    Kay

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310079
    Kay
    Participant

    Mark,

    I forgot to add. He asked me on Friday what i wanted. Probably that was my oportunity to set my expectations.

    But maybe it is better i did not. It is obvious he was with someone else far back. It would have been more humiliating if i asked for a relationship that he already has with someone else.

    in reply to: Should I tell him I know he is with someone? #310077
    Kay
    Participant

    Hi Aiyana,

    Thanks for your response. I agree, i was wearing pink-colored glasses. All that by my own choice, like wanting to see only what was more convenient to me.

    I remember when he contacted me on Friday between all the talk he asked me: “what do you want?” I did not think much then, because he asks silly questions sometimes, but probably he was refering to a relationship, who knows. I answered: “i want you” and changed the topic, since i am avoidant of hearing something i do not want to hear. Probably that was my oportunity to say i wanted a relationship, but i am glad i did not, because deep inside me i knew it was not going to be good.

     

    Kay

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 50 total)