Hope its helping you Janet.

Good luck

Shaheed,

Your situation isn’t different to mine. However, the way you are reacting is very different. My ex and I work in same workplace, after breakup she was all laughing and smiling as usual and then told people at workplace that she has a new Bf.

Here’s some tips –

1. This is what you signed up for when you fell for girl in your school or workplace. Accept it now and bear this pain. Don’t run from it as you will make it worse. You can still maintain a no contact by just contacting for study related work only. Not a single word extra.

2. Dude ! Why on earth you want this girl to continue mess up your life? Get up and take charge, if you really want to heal. Cut her loose, just talk only study/work, that’s it. Heal your heart, bro ! you deserve better.

3. The waves will continue for some time. But you will be free, if you work on yourself. Do this exercise whenever you feel pain, close your eyes and bring your attention in your body. Focus on where it hurts the most, chest, stomach of throat. Then take deep breath as if you are breathing in your pain. If you do it right, you will see these waves disappearing.

4. Its time to give your self love and work on your self esteem. Self love is very simple and very difficult thing to do. Do you know how to do it? Its different for everyone.

5. Its good to talk to people who can help you. But remember, also, to let yourself feel pain. Because when you feel your pain fully, then only your healing will begin. So, talk to people, enjoy your things but stop as well and feel it fully. Cry it out and let it pass. It always passes.

Hope this helps.

Brav3

Dear Faby,

Sorry for the delayed reply as I was away. I am glad that you find this thread helpful. I wrote simply to understand and help others.

Yes. no. 5, poor self worth, is hard to handle. However, breakup is an opportunity to look deep into these issues that have been sitting in back of our mind for a very long time. If you work through this, you will find yourself and your inner strength to deal with any shit of life. I am happy to give you some guidance if needed.

This is a wake up call for you, don’t waste it.

Good luck Brav3

Hi Anita,

I’ve always wanted to see Europe, in particular Scandinavia. I don’t know anyone, I used to, but not anymore. I want to discover world and learn about life. Scandinavia is just a start. I am thrilled as well as nervous.

Brav3

Hi Humour,

Thank you and I wish the same for you to. Here’s something I learnt from a Buddhist Nun.

We think of happiness is of something we have to find like a needle in a haystack. We think it is out there, somewhere. Jobs, dollars, Bfs or Gfs etc. Buddha disagrees. He says that’s not practical because of unreliable and impermanent nature. He says that if you seek happiness through them, it won’t last.

It doesn’t meant that you stop enjoying them, it only means that you should try and change your interpretation of these objects.

All the best to you to
Brav3

Faye,

Yes, there’s a whole alot of difference between being self centered and seeking solitude to find center within. This is where things get tricky as one has to find balance according to values what is acceptable and what is not.

For instance, if you think that you and your friends have similar values and you feel relaxed around them, where you are allowed to do mistakes, be fully authentic, be vulnerable, where you aren’t seeking their approval than whether you invite them or not, it actually shouldn’t matter. But if you are not inviting them because you think they will ruin it then the question comes is why? Are they negative and draining people? Or do they get negative sometimes only?

We all get negative sometimes, we all ruin things sometimes. So, accepting people of who they are with healthy boundaries will be a good approach. But if acceptance is based out of fear of loneliness or people pleasing or seeking approval or feeling unworthy than it will only bring resentments later.

Brav3