hi ivan,

i’d say from the sense of peace you say you felt as you were “dying” you are in the midst of or will experience some kind of important ending or transition. the sensation of lingering pain from the bullet suggests to me that it will be some kind of emotional experience that will shake you up and mark the end and beginning of circumstances; perhaps the “deep sleep” is what will occur before newer and brighter things happen, once you metaphorically recover from your wounds. you tried to hide in a house bc you thought “being a civilian” would spare you from harm but you saw that you only put yourself in harm’s way by trying to get out of it so perhaps it is a message from your subconscious not to hide from conflict or a particular issue in your life you may be struggling with.

i hope that my analysis is helpful somewhat even if it’s a bit vague 🙂

Good for you, Nora. I’m 22 and I understand your frustration about feeling pushed in a direction that society deems necessary – even vital – in order to live properly. Lately I’ve been thinking that we live in a society that places little value on the importance of taking time out to find one’s self. It’s sounds such a cliche, nonsensical concept, yet it’s completely true. We are funnelled and shuffled down time-worn social paths and applauded for doing the same; the stability of what is known and what is proper is considered to be more important than the lessons to be learned from throwing those restraints to the wind. I suppose people are scared of the unknown and of ending up in bad situations because they were “impulsive” or “too idealistic”.

I think, Nora, you have learned something that many people realise too late in life, that you do not have to be pinned down by these societal restraints, and for this I applaud you. I can only hope to gain something of your courage one day and just *live* my life for me, as me. It’s fantastic that you’ve even got yourself a career at this age – even if it’s not what you ultimately wanted – and I think it shows just what kind of person you are: brave and unafraid to seek the life you want. Even the best and brightest of us can only take so much.

You ask about crossroads? How about you turn your back on those four mysterious roads and aim *up*: reach for the stars and soar. I know you’ll go far (and I apologise for the terribly lame metaphor, but I really wanted to write it! :D)