Dear Michelle,

I was not making that sentence properly. What happened there is basically I expressed with love that I would feel happy in the relationship like this and she agreed and told me she’ll take steps to increase her libido. She started working out for a short time and stopped masturbating and she even told me that she wants to have sex more and loves it that things are this way and once a day is good for her now. But after two months she became complacent again and slipped into her old habits, even though I communicated with love this to her many times and I do a lot for her and put a greater effort into our relationship than the average  guy does. I never, I repeat NEVER forced myself onto her, because I love her and would never do that to her. Whenever I felt resistance I respected her boundaries and stopped, please don’t make assumptions. The reason I wrote this post is because I want things to work between us and I want to solve this somehow.

Ladybug, thank you for your comment. I actually do this but it does not seem to work and I think I have to work on my approach in this department. Can you tell me in a bit more detail on what works in this regards with you? I would love to read a long comment about this, maybe detailing a specific situation if you feel comfortable with it. Thank you for your help!

No matter how I try to pull it out of her, she can’t say anything, I tried for 3 hours the last time and I’m getting tired and I’m full of anxiety all the time. I honestly don’t know what to. Everything is perfect except the sex and I don’t want to lose something like this because of it, but I can’t take this anymore and slowly I’m losing attraction for her because of this. A lot of her relationships ended because of this and I don’t know how to make her more attracted to me or have a better sexual drive. Please help I don’t know what to do.

Hey everyone! A week ago I quit my job. My boss said that I dont have to come next week. Right now I’m at home with my parents. I’m really afraid to apply anywhere. MY sister sent my CV to a few companies. SOme of them called me but I dont want to work for any of them. Nothing would be different and I am panicing about what to do next. I cant stay here forever but I dont want to do something that I hate again and start from scrath. Hwo should I start moving toward the thing I would love to do?

The funny thing is, Anita, that since that message I found soeone whom I truly love and have been together with for 4 months now. We never even argued yet and she is amazing. That part of my life is going astonishingly. The problem is that I dont feel like a man without my mission and purpose, but I have to be strong and be her rock, the man in her life. I know that if I would find something I love to do it would make all other areas of my life better.

The funny hing is that I never hed such hobbies hat I couldn’t wait for like you described above, During my first 18 yeras I only played video games and I was kinda insecure. That is when I started bodybuilding and that was a huge part of my life. I still eat  a bodybuiding diet, since 4 years now, but I only have time for the gym 3 times a week and to be honest ever since I work that much a lot of times I feel like its a chore and not something that I enjoy. I still do it but not as intensively as I used to. That is why I think that I shouldnt focus on it as a main career like a personal trainer etc.

Beisdes this I tried singing for 1,5 years but it didnt work out since I didnt like it that much and didnt feel motivated. In most of my free time I watch youtube, play games, hang out with my friends or rarely I go to a concert and that is it basically. I like reading about personal growth also.

So basically I am here right now. I honestly have no idea where to next. Just anywhere? I also had an idea. Is the problem with my idea about work? It feels like a chore and I dont think it would be better anywhere else. How did you guys accept that your main part of life is something that is necessary, you ahve to do it and it involves many stress and time, just to get by? Also how should I look for what I truly love. All my experience I described above.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Csaba.

As a child I was a really calm child who always watched and listened. I was also quite lazy in many respect. I always got along well with my parents. I received a lot of love, I was againt touching however, I never kissed my mother untill I was 18, nowadays I acually need it a lot of times. father was tha strong and kind figure, he taught me t never give up and to work my ass off in everything I do. he was also the one who was less strict. My mother was he one who taught me how to “feel” it was hard for me, for the first 20 years I never dared to have many feelings, she was a really feminine and strict mother but she always loved me.

I was the 3rd child, I was not planned but they kept me. I also have 2 sisters one who is 8 and another 10 years older then me. They always gave me much love, sometimes even protecting me from bullies.

i was kind of a weird kid, athugh I was clever I can remember not realising common sense things and being a quiet weird many of times. During my teen years I became a computer addict. I didnt like my life (even tough I had no reason, now that I look back). There were days when I played games for 14 hours a day. MY parents were concerned but they did not do anything, they thought it was onl a phase which was true. During this time I met someone online who I could talk to, who listened to me and gave me guidance. We met and it turned out he was a pedophile, this did not do good to my already nonexistant confidence.

When I was 16 I went out for my firt party and met a group of guys wh are still my friedns to this day, they are above avery intelligence, almost all of them are doing university, most of them are engineers but not of the nerdy type lol. Life was starting to get better there.

When I was 18 I had my first girlsfriend, we dated for 3 months, never haveing sex. Looking back now I realised that she was a manipulative type, and she was really insecure, blaming me for ever little thing. I ended the relationship althugh I truly loved her. I met my second girlfriend 2 months after this. I was 18 she was 15 at the time. She really loed me, I never had the same feeling, altought to this day I love her, but not romatically. I always hep her when I can, she is a true woman, a wife type but I1m just not attracted to her. We dated for 4 months and the I had to move becauseof university.

At the first day I met a girl who was to this day the only woman I ever felt unconditional love for. Unfortunatley she didnt feel the same towards me and I ended up in the friendzone. I didnt date for 2 years after this, I had too many.

But this was also the time where I had enough of being insecure. I started bodybuilding and in 2 ears I gained 40 kg-s later cutting down 15 kg of fat. I also read a lot about personal and spiritual growth. I have a healthy diet since 3 ears now and I love doing this.

I became confident but remained a humble person. A lot of different people started telign em that I’m a real leader, something which still amazes me. A lot of girls are interested in me now, but I’m no the type who uses women.

And we besically got to the point where I met the woman above. This is my life as I saw it, everything happened for a reason even if I dodnt realise it at the time. If you want some details about some section please do ask, dear Anita. Have a great day!

Thank you for all the replies. It means a lot to me, and you guys are awesome for giving so much attention for a stranger on the internet.

I had a long talk with my sister on the subject, who is a very empathetic and skilled psychologist. She came to a pretty solid point in the matter which made me thinking.

This girl was awesome in many ways, we had the same interests, we had fun together, I had no problem listening to her for hours at a time, she was so intereting. And besides this we listen to the same bands, which is a huge thing for me because not many people listen to this type of music and I go to many concerts, it was great sharing this with someone. SHe also took care of her bdoy, which was beautiful. Those big blue eyes haunt me to this day but I think about how great our time was. But besides all of this there were many “red flags” in our dating. He had a boyfriend of 5 years with whom she only broke up with after we had sex, and she told me that she already cheated on him with a guy who basicly still “stalks” her. On our third date we had an awesome day, in the end she asked me if I love her, I made a joking response and said that while its getting there I’m not there yet. She was hurt by it and just walked away from me without talking. She went to the “backup” guy to cry and a few hours later told me how sorry she was. I mean we had this great day and just after one small slipup she already hangs with the backup guy? Another thing was that when we had sex she always told me “Oh we don’t need that condom”, I guess I dont need to say more about this (and no, I didnt care and put one on anyway always). Also she asked me to be in a relationship after 4 dates. She also never told me anything positive abu her previous relationships.

I really liked this girl, I never had so much fun with anyone who I dated. And because of this I kept lying to myself, turning a blind eye to all of the flaws, because I really wanted to belive that something can happen with her. She told me that she is pretty sure that the problem lies somewhere around here. I kept lying to myself even though deep down I know that this could not work on the long run.

It was a beautiful experience, a lot of things opened up in me that I didn’t know I was capable of. But I guess she came into my life to teach me these things and probably a few years from now I’ll totally understand her purpose in my life. Sorry for the long post, if you have any thoughts on the matter please share it with me, I’m really interested.

Great advice, thank you. I Can’t keep on runnign forever, it’s time to fight back my emotions. Thanks again, cheers 🙂