Hi Csaba,

First of all I wanna tell you that THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You’re needs are totally normal. Are you familiar with the 5 languages of love? Read it here. This saved my sanity and finally encouraged me to break up with my ex. You’ll find out there that each and everyone of us expresses our love in different ways and in life, we simply need to find the person that speaks the same love language/s as we do or balance them out. Well I know they’re not easy to find but knowing what type you are (you definitely fall under the ‘physical touch’), it’s a good point to begin with in finding the right partner for you.

I’ve been in the same situation 2 years ago except that I’m the woman and I was the one who constantly demands intimacy! Can you just imagine how it was harder for me since I am the girl? At first we would do it once a week, then once a month, then once every 3 months! I just couldn’t take it anymore and just like you, I became irritable! He would just never understand why I needed intimacy. I remember him accusing me “Is sex really all that you want?”. From this I concluded that there are just people who don’t have that high sex drive, whether male or female, young or old, it doesn’t discriminate. Just let it go. You can’t change them no matter what you do. They can only change for themselves.

I am worried about you cause I know that your self-esteem and sanity are already suffering. This can cause irreversible issues on your mental health and well-being. That also happened to me, I felt like I’m ugly and unattractive. Have you tried removing a certain part of your diet? Let’s say carbs. At first you are fine with it and as weeks go by you would find yourself fantasizing, craving for it until you would become obsessed and binging on it. And that’s not a good thing. This is what’s happening on you except that it’s intimacy. It affected me a lot on my next relationship as when my boyfriend would rejects me (in which he rarely does), I would interpret that in a negative way when in fact, he is just simply tired. (that eventually led up to another breakup btw). Get out of that relationship as soon as you can.

You two are made of each other? I doubt that. If that’s true you wouldn’t find yourself writing that post above. There’s nothing wrong with you and with your gf, you’re just not meant to be together. You’re better off as friends cause friends dont have sex right? Haha. My point is, what if there’s someone out there who has the same interest and values as you have and at the same time, speaks the same language? I’m 100% sure there is. And my goodness, you’re just 24! I was in your age when that happened to me and now, I’m in a relationship that perfectly suits me.  Go out there and find/wait for the right person for you.

Love,

Justine

Hi Csaba,

I’ll answer your second question first. No, there’s nothing wrong with you.

Now on to your first question. You say that this situation is causing you to lose confidence and feel depressed. That shouldn’t be happening. This isn’t personal. She simply has a different libido than you do. It’s just the way she is. This girl obviously wants to be with you. For two months she proved that to you, and you say that those two months were “perfect” — maybe for you, but for her too?….I’m not so sure. So back to your question. First, you have to decide if this quality of hers is a deal-breaker for you. In other words, can you make peace with not having sex every single day? She’s not saying she doesn’t want to have sex at all; she’s saying that every single day is too much for her. You don’t share much about the other aspects of this relationship….is she supportive, thoughtful, honest, trusting, kind, fun, etc.? If so, do you want to give up all these other great qualities because her libido isn’t a perfect match with yours? Maybe so, and that’s a fair choice for a 24 year old guy with a self-admitted “HUGE sex drive”. I believe that sexual compatibility in a relationship is very important. I also believe that as one gets older he may realize that there are other aspects to relationships that are also pretty damn important. Again, if she had said that she didn’t want to have sex with you at all, I’d say cut your losses now. But she’s not saying that. She’s trying to compromise. You need to do the same. How much do you love this girl? Why not try 4 days a week? 🙂

B

I agree with Michelle.  There is a difference between making demands versus expressing what you want.

There are different ways of being sexual without intercourse.  Cuddling.  “Petting.”  Oral.  Mutual masturbation/stimulation.

If you are not compatible sexually then best to move on.

Mark

What anita said.

Csaba, sex and intimacy are just one fraction of the whole – I too was the same – however if like a tree you fail to bend in the wind you will break! Try tantric sex for yourself to ease and release the inner urge and take your own sexual pleasure to a new realm – and when your partner is ready go at a pace you both enjoy, maybe even try joint tantric pleasure?  Men in general are always thinking of sex as one I know, but in re-training and thinking you can learn to control strong sexual urges and in turn develop a higher sexual fulfillment – their are many free male tantirc lesson on youtube – watch a few see how you feel about them etc etc.  Hope this helps a little hugs RevRy