Hi Anita,
Frankly I can’t recall much of those abusive behaviour. I might have commented on her professional as well thinking that is of little value to t he society.comparing her profession to other helping professional.
I guess I understand what you are saying, just cater for her emotions first before working on te task.
As far as the letter. I have put it on the desk once I finished it. Will see if I still want to give her later on.
Thanks so much for your insights!

Hi Anita

I think this is very helpful for me. I will write her a hand written letter i think, so that she can at least have a choice of reading it or just chuck it away. I think hand letter reflects myself better as well.
I am very grateful for your reply, a lot of my friends are trying to protect me by asking me not to think, but I guess I am someone who can’t stop thinking until i feel i have done whatever I should do. I feel that something is not right and that’s why i am still lingering with strange feelings.
And yes I will need to observe my interaction with other people better, I just feel that I have the right to say things out and that I disregard what other people feel. It’s a hard lesson that I have to laern.
Again I am very grateful for your reply. Feel free to give me more advice.

Thanks

Clara

hi anita, thank you. it means a lot. i have been in this chaos for a period of time and am happy to hear your insights.
appreciate it.
chau

Meaning I would accuse her of what she did with my friend, sometime tiny things trigggered me, for example when I passed by a certain place where I suspected they did meet, I would ask her in distrustful manner. Or I would tell her sometime i could imagine them kissing and felt hurt etc. I did also have nights when I was crying and she would accompany me at night.
They are mainly accusation on her cheating, it was quite intense initially and we did try to take small breaks in between to ease them. We did make some progress but I guess they are not totally over by the time she said she needed to leave.

I didn’t call her names, may be I had looks and was not happy about some of her behaviors, but definitely not names. I always feel she is very sensitive to comments or anything that I say, which also made me quite stressful as well.
I don’t think she was abused before, but I guess she just took my comments very seriously and was very eager to be the 100% gf to me.
The fear became apparernt after the cheating. I did slap her when I knew she was still hiding some truth about the incident, while she said she had come clean. I regretted using any physical hurt and I didn’t apologize and promised never to happens again. It didn’t happens ever again.
Adding up to that would be mg emotions, I was very hurt and I did accuse her of hee wrong doings, I can understand that she needs to leave to protect herself from all the pain, but it’s very difficult for me to accept that she immediately contacted my friend again and that my friend wanted to date her. I think they are now together and it hurt me a lot, it made me very hard to let go, although my ex said veey clearly that there would be no chance of getting back together

Thanks for the replies.
In fact we are a pair of girls. So I am a woman as well. Sorry for not explaining earlier.
The temper tantrums during the time when we we’re together didn’t involve anything physical. But from time to time I was impatient with some of her behaviour. For example she always missed out the date that we should meet, as she was reluctant to change, say change to using an elelectronic format of scheuling,so that she would be able to rememeber even when she leaves her notebook home. She thought I didn’t accept hee enough and had not been appreciative enough
Being blunt only means I give very direct comments, instead of trying to wrap things in another way. Say if I see something that has gone wrong U would just say so directly, instead of waiting or saying things in a separate ocassion