Laycee, I think I suffer from a bit of both. Right now, I’m worried about what I’m going to do, worried about finding a job. I was in an alternative teaching program to become a certified teacher, but since I’ve resigned from my teaching position, I’m not in the program anymore, but I still have to pay $450 a month to finish paying off the program. On top of that, my parents and other people around me keep hounding me and asking me about what I’m going to do and what I want to do with my life. I worry about my health, particularly my stomach. I have acid reflux and I was so stressed out that my acid reflux acted up and I had gotten very sick and my stomach hasn’t really completely felt better, or at least it hasn’t felt as good as I want it to. As far as meeting new people, I do get a little anxious. It’s a bit difficult because it seems that everywhere I go, everyone is in their own clique or group and I always end up feeling out of place.

Inky, thank you for clearing that up for me. That actually makes a lot of sense.

Thanks for your reply! I am by no means pursuing my dream lol. I’m just too afraid to go through with it, and I’m already heavily invested in this teaching program that I’m in. I really do want to teach abroad, but I’m too afraid of telling my family/friends “I want to teach abroad and that’s that!” I just don’t know what I really want anymore, and the closer it gets to my 25th birthday, the more anxious I get. I know, I know; people say “you’re 25, you should be living!” “you’re an adult now, make your own decisions” “don’t get trapped yet in this endless cycle” etc. It’s just I’m so stressed out and, for the past few years, I feel like I don’t know who I really am. I’ve only been a student, a band member, a member of my church etc. I just feel like teaching abroad and being away from my hometown influence will give me some clarity, but then again, it may not. It also doesn’t help that I have an overbearing mother who wants a say in EVERY aspect of my life, even at 25. I feel like I can’t make my decisions out of fear of what others will think and out of fear of failure.
All my life, I’ve followed the path that was supposed to be guaranteed; make good grades in grade school, go to college, get a good job, move out of parents’ house, get married, and have kids then I’d be all set, but it didn’t turn out that way. I was stressed out in college, going back and forth with the idea of changing my major (I didn’t, but I wish I had). Before college, I said I would never end up working a retail job or something like that. But now that I’m in this dead end retail job, I guess I’m really eating my words. I’m still confused, and in two weeks, I’ll be 25 and confused. I know I’m young, but I just feel like I’m running out of time. I just want to be at a point in my life where I’m not constantly feeling like everyone is talking about me and judging me, where I can make decisions on my own volition without fear of what others think. I just want to be able to live my own life and be at a point where I’m genuinely happy with who I really am and not living a life that someone else is dreaming for me. Sorry this reply is so long, I just needed to get that out.

Thank you Lorelei. It’s really nice to know that I’m not alone in this. And thank you for recommending me her channel. I’m subscribed to two other channels. https://www.youtube.com/user/charlycheer and hers https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM00hJktyOugG0IKZ7K21iQ
I haven’t really started the process of teaching abroad like getting paperwork and whatnot. I don’t think I have enough money to take yet. But if you don’t mind would you share how you’re going about finding a job and how you’re going through the whole process. Thanks.

I know that people say “be happy with where you are now”. I know that but, it’s hard when you hate your job (I know I’m not the only one though), and you feel like you can’t really live the life you want to be living. I just want to be at a place in my life where I’m truly happy with where I’m at and I’d like to experience this feeling before I turn 50. It’s just that living with overbearing parents who are hard to talk to just makes it even more stressful. It’s like everywhere I turn, someone is always telling me what to do and undermining my decisions. If I say I want to teach abroad for a year someone will say (mainly my mother) “I don’t think that’s such a good idea” or “I wouldn’t do that with everything going on” or “just get the teaching certificate first and find a job with health insurance”. I feel like if I don’t really live for a little while I’m young I’m going to miss out and end up regretting not going with my gut feelings.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by Jerris.

Thank you for your reply. I’ve been doing research for about 3 years now, and as far as teaching abroad is concerned, most countries prefer a young, single, white, female teacher for teaching abroad. But it’s not impossible for an African American, it’s just harder. But I’ve also read about several horror stories about teaching English abroad, so that’s kind of deterring me too. And like I said before, I just don’t really like telling people about this dream I have because it’s looked down upon in my family. And I know that I don’t want to spend the next 40 years of my life in an unfulfilling career.

It’s not that people are giving me unnecessary advice. It’s that when I say that I want to do something, people will say something like “maybe you should do this” or “maybe you’ll be happier doing this”. People act like I can’t make my own decisions. And the idea of teaching abroad is kind of looked down upon where I’m from. People would think that I’m trying to avoid responsibility or something like that. My parents want me to hurry and find a full time job so I can get health insurance, pay my own car insurance, etc. And I’m not trying to avoid being an adult. I think it may be a bit of wanderlust on my part. I’ve lived in this town for 24 years. I went to college here too. I’m working on getting my teaching certificate and that is stressful too. But I have thought about it, and I do think I need to get out of here and be by myself for a while so I can make my own decisions. But I have another question: How do you overcome fear of judgment?

I also forgot to add this may be a bit of wanderlust on my part. I, for some reason, just feel like I need to leave my hometown and away from so many familiar people influencing me (I talked to someone else who suggested this). And it also doesn’t help that a fortune cookie said “you will step on the soil of many countries in your lifetime” lol. And my mother wants me to hurry and get a teaching certificate and settle down and have it all figured out, but I just feel like I need to get away and be by myself for a while. I’m not trying to escape reality and responsibility. But I’ve lived in the same place, with the same people for 24 years ugh! I’m just scared and so insecure and worried about what others will say if I charge through with this idea.