Make a safety plan with someone who is experienced in the field. Leaving is the most dangerous time for a person being abused. It sounds like you need to leave, but make sure you are doing it the safest way possible. Sending you love. I’m sure the hotline can refer you to local resources to get connected with.

Hey Aster,

First of all, my advice is to have compassion for yourself. Not many of us can say that we haven’t gotten caught up in a romantic relationship that wasn’t in our best interest. And it’s absolutely understandable that it’s hard to shut off feelings.

That being said,  he made a huge mistake. If he isn’t willing to go to whatever lengths necessary to rectify things (ie going to counseling) or puts the burden on you to get over when he is the one that messed up, I wonder how sorry he really is… I think counseling is a great idea. He has to change something otherwise he will cheat again. It’s ok to hold him accountable. But I also suggest you take this advice with a grain of salt. You know what’s best for YOU. We hope you act on it. Best wishes through this tough time.

Also, just a guess but I would think that there would be different karma for different situations. The people who need to kill to survive should be treated differently than those who consume animals merely because they like the taste. One type of killing seems justified and the other is selfish. I mean, would killing a human in self defense have the same karma attached as murdering someone for selfish gain?  That’s just a thought though…

I hope the wife knows that her husband’s behaviors are more about his issues then hers. If he wasn’t having his own issues he would have been able to address the issues in the relationship instead of trying to have a wife and a secret girlfriend. I can’t necessarily speak about his perspective but I can share mine. I am someone who has struggled with the temptation to look outside of my marriage for validation. I am also married to an absolutely amazing man who did nothing to deserve me looking elsewhere. Lots of therapy and reflection have shown that it has to do with my underlying belief that eventually my husband will leave me because I am horrible and I will be left incomplete without a man. Sounds silly when I say it out loud but unconscious beliefs aren’t always rational. Furthermore I hope that she is able to work with someone, such as a therapist, to process everything she is feeling, thinking, and going through. Give her my best.