For $16k I say go for it… That’s not alot of money and can be easily paid off.

You have to spend money to make money.

College will expand your horizons greatly…just have some sort of idea what you want to do after. Alof of people change their minds during undergrad.

I’ll be honest. I’ve never met anyone without some sort of college education that has been successful financially. Statistically speaking you’re going to be earning a low wage and have a low standard of living… At least college gives you a chance go break out of that cycle.

Maybe consider working and going to community college for 2 years prior to making the plunge and going into debt. That’s another viable option.

Namaste

Will,

I am sorry to have caused you such anxiety. I can really feel the pain, the judging, and ultimately the resistance to my opinion in your post. It feels as if you wish to control me so that your idea of what is “right” is forcefully made to be the same . You will never succeed in this effort & you are wasting a great deal of energy on this. I would chalk this one up to one of life’s many lessons.

I suggest you develop a daily mindful meditation practice. This will help you quell your anxiety, the need to be “right”, and need to convince others to agree with your version of reality. You will see that we all believe ourselves to be the sole possessors of what is true and just.To be honest, I can’t help but feel that alot of your hatred is because I serve to in some ways hold up a mirror of reality of modern society to you — e.g. alot of meaningful jobs do not pay well to start (or ever), the US is full of rampant materialism, etc. You will realize that this is neither good or bad — it just is. Resisting it or ignoring it only serves to cause suffering. Being aware of it is the first step forwards freedom and breaking away from the “system” as you put it.

As far as me mentioning my wife in previous posts involving relationship issues of various OPs — I do that so people know I am a credible source (as is possible on an internet forum) and not some guy that hasn’t had a date in 9 months. You should never seek advice from someone that does not have what you seek. This is common sense advice. Hence the wise saying – “consider the source”.

In my post to this young man seeking advice, I attempted to convey the need to follow HIS dreams — and not to value the opinions of his well-meaning friends, family, and beautiful young women that will all be clambering for his attention over the next decade. The world is full of distractions. For example, my mother wanted me to be a veterinarian, my father a banker, my girlfriend at the time a CPA, my grandma a doctor, and my teammates a professional basketball player — when I was in college. I went through a similar situation to him when I was in school and had numerous options. Well meaning friends and family often serve to only confuse someone more when faced with difficult career decisions. You can’t make everyone happy and once I realized this my decisions became much more authentic and easier.

I did in some ways hark on the expectations and needs of some women is because for some men their love life is one of the highest priorities in life…. the dating scene IS different out of school. Many young women ARE looking for security. Many beautiful women DO expect to be taken care of. I do not judge this as right or wrong. Rather our state of reality – possibly as a product of thousands of years of evolution. What is the first question people ask you at a social gathering in the USA? “SO, what do you DO?”…. It was somewhat of a shock to me when I graduated a number of years back how much emphasis is placed on one’s career in the dating scene. This is useful advice but probably nothing the poster has never heard before. In sum, I was attempting to convey that if the OP wanted a family and kids by the age of 27 that he would need to have a relatively stable paying job by then. I was simply asking if he was OK with this… as he has been living in a proverbial bubble by living off has parents financially for some time now.

In sum, I attempted to advice the poster to follow his dreams and to be aware of common pitfalls of seeking meaningful work in a capitalistic world. If you think about it, my advice is not much different from the message conveyed in the Buddhist classic “Siddhartha’ by Herman Hess (1922) — in it, the young talented man (such as our poster) is distracted by a beautiful woman, earns money to win her heart (becomes a merchant), then falls into the pitfalls of pleasure seeking (riches, drugs, alcohol, etch) for a number of years- before finally coming full circle to become an enlightened humble man by the river. I suggest you read this book if you have not already.

The struggle for a man to stay true to oneself in a world full of distractions is not easy – this has been the case for centuries. I am sure similar distractions are readily available to the modern day woman as well but in our the case the OP is male.

Namaste

To be honest you need to move on… People will always have their 101 excuses about why they are breaking up. Some may tell the truth some may lie (e.g.. “it’s not you it’s me”). That’s not your concern. You made an honest effort to hold the relationship together and were rebuffed. That’s all you can do.

Never try to keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you.

I am emphasize with your heartbreak. Its a condition everyone faces at some point. Every relationship will eventually end until you get married… And oftentimes that doesn’t work out either. While this might sound dire it in reality is liberating. It is a reflection of the transient nature of the world.

Namaste

Also. I have one more idea to offer you…. When you do decide to try a particular path..Be careful who you tell your dreams to. Most people will either say you can’t do it or be jealous of you for actually having a dream and shit on it.

Moreover, there will always be someone in that field you have chosen that went into it for the wrong reasons and is unhappy and bitching about it.

Read Ayn Rand “the fountainhead” or “atlas shrugged”.. Both are classics as they describe how a lot of simple minded people will project their weaknesses on you… And of course only care about what other people think.

Namaste

Annie.

I suggest you start reading books on mindful (or transcendental) meditation and developing a daily practice. 20-30 minutes per day is all it takes. This is how I cured my anxiety. Meditation will allow you to stop these recurring negative thoughts and emotions and see things more clearly. You will have much more energy instead of wasting it on anxieties of these sorts. Try the book “Mindfulness in plain English”…

The articles on tinybudda are encouraging but I agree do not teach you “how”

Sid

I would not express your anger towards her… Trust me I’ve been around the block. I feel your anger. Right now you aren’t seeing things clearly.

That said, the most vengeful, confident, and paradoxically healing thing you can do is NOTHING. Doing nothing and acting as if you don’t care not only surprises your ex but builds your confidence tremendously! She expects you to flip out and be hurt… By just laughing it off and getting on with your life you show her how strong you are and your momentum towards greener pastures increases.

Trust me. You never want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you. It is so miserable. Words can’t express it. Consider yourself lucky. It is so much better to be single and free.

Going forward, please take my meditation advice seriously as currrently you are unable to control your thoughts or emotions… 20 minutes 2 times per day. Focus only on your breath and be aware of any thoughts that occur. Eventually they will subside and you will see them for what they truly are…

As you gain awareness through meditation things will become clearer. You will have plenty of energy to enjoy life and pursue worthwhile goals and relationships. It is life changing.

PS: If for some reason you are not ready to begin meditation I suggest getting out of town and treating yourself to a short vacation.. Just go by yourself or with a close male friend to the beach and treat yourself well. Break all contact with this girl. Do not look at old photos or Facebook… That is self inflicted torture.

PSS: I by no means wish to brag. But I am a reliable source. I am married to a young beautiful woman and have dated nothing but the lookers in my lifetime. I played college basketball and am competitive and extremely picky. I am not a monk but someone who has been in your shoes and wish to help other men struggling

Namaste

Will

I am entitled to my opinion just as you are. I have dated and am currently married to a beautiful woman so I feel like I am entitled to share from my perspective.

There is nothing wrong with having healthy male role models…. Perhaps you’d like him to look up to an emasculated and broken man that cries himself to sleep instead? You’re essentially advising him to wallow is his misery rather than finally take charge of his life. That is a loser mentality. Enough time has passed and he needs a little pep talk… Not a box of Kleenexes.

Moreover I advised him to pursue meditation which makes sense considering the theme of this website. A life changing practice. I would not discount this advice or take it lightly. If he was actively meditating he would see things clearly and already let go of these negative emotions.

The reason I advise friends to pursue many different options while dating is the reality that dating is a numbers game… Beautiful women have so many options in the US that you cannot even fathom. Everywhere they go men are bending over backwards to buy them drinks, open doors, etc… There is nothing wrong with asking for 10 phone numbers if it will help you break out of a rut or your shell. Start living.

Emmett,

I feel compassion towards you and your heartbreak. We have all been there. Even the rich and famous get their hearts kicked around.

However I strongly feel that you should move on… This girl left you. You didn’t leave her. When a woman leaves she is certain that she doesn’t love you…. or else she would stay and try to make it work… Women by nature are nesters and generally try to make things work before calling it quits. I have never once seen it work out in this situation.

If you’re single you should have 2-3 girls that you’re actively talking to and trying out. Dating is a numbers game in your 20s.

Lastly I am concerned on how little you value integrity… Why would you want to love someone that left you for the arms of another man years ago? The answer is you don’t. Its your ego talking. You want to win… Think of healthy role models. Would tom brady beg for his ex back? ….

The real problem is that you clearly don’t have control over your thoughts or emotions. You allow them to run wild…. Try to develop a meditation practice and you’ll be surprised how clearly reality becomes. Without it, you’ll be doomed to living life full of “what ifs” constantly being played in your head rather than focusing on “what is”… Which is a world full of beauty, abundance, and opportunity.

Lastly. You need a support group of strong male friends. You need to exchange masculine energy with other males… This will tremendously. Iron sharpens iron.