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Obsessed from a young age

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  • April 18, 2015 at 1:40 am #75496
    Anne
    Participant

    Hi all 🙂

    Not sure if this should go under relationships or emotional mastery. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible but I apologise if it’s long and appreciate anyones thoughts and comments on the matter.

    I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression, it must have developed when I was going through puberty and peaked when I was about 16/17. I found an old diary of mine a few weeks ago, in this diary I was about 12 years old, it detailed me going on about why doesn’t a boy like me and that if I even so much as got a glance from a guy I thought they immediately liked me and would be so crushed when I found out they didn’t (concise version here) and would immediately think it was my fault and that I wasn’t good enough for them to like them and therefore I guess that’s where my attachment to others began, from a young age I felt like I needed the ‘love’ and ‘acceptance’ of others in order to love myself.

    I still feel this today, I have an unhealthy obsession with my boyfriend now (he is not aware of this I hope), he is currently backpacking around Europe and every time I would see that he’s been online and not talked/replied or that he’s become friends with a girl I completely lose it and think he’s going to cheat on me and hurt me. I take everything personally, and although I am aware of this I feel like I still depend on him for my own happiness and I know that it is so bad and so unhealthy and I feel so powerless because I know what’s happening but I feel like there’s a block stopping me from thinking coherently. Then, when I realise that what he’s doing isn’t a personal attack on me so to speak but just him enjoying his travel and he may not reply straight away but he will. I feel silly and berate myself for being so stupid and illogical, then the whole cycle starts again.

    I feel really stuck and really hopeless, I want to be free from these anxieties and doubts and fear, I don’t want to be like this I want to be spiritual and wonderful. But I don’t think I’m good enough.. these articles on tinybuddha are great but they don’t tell me HOW to do something just say ‘let it go’ but HOW do you let it go?.

    I’m sorry if this has been too long, any help would be wonderful..

    Anne.

    April 18, 2015 at 4:00 pm #75511
    Christopher.m
    Participant

    Annie.

    I suggest you start reading books on mindful (or transcendental) meditation and developing a daily practice. 20-30 minutes per day is all it takes. This is how I cured my anxiety. Meditation will allow you to stop these recurring negative thoughts and emotions and see things more clearly. You will have much more energy instead of wasting it on anxieties of these sorts. Try the book “Mindfulness in plain English”…

    The articles on tinybudda are encouraging but I agree do not teach you “how”

    April 21, 2015 at 3:40 am #75623
    Will
    Participant

    How do you let go? You practice. You keep practicing.

    I second Chris’s advice to read something more in depth than a feel-good online article on meditation. I would recommend mindfulness over the transcendental stuff though. It’s not easy to develop a practice but it can help immensely. Maybe there is a sitting group or a course in your area that you could join. Friendships are very valuable in learing HOW.

    Good luck.

    June 1, 2015 at 12:55 pm #77579
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Anne:
    meditation and mindfulness, tools and skills- great. You also need insight about how your original attachment trauma/ injury happened. How you were abandoned in some way by a parent/s. We are social beings and always need others in our lives. How to need another but not obsess- look into the original abandonment/ neglect, feel the pain- within good psychotherapy ? and integrate that experience into your brain so that the unresolved anagndonment pain, attachment-injury stops replaying itself- it wants your attention, acknowledgment. It wants to be known and it will probably not go away and will not allow you to “move on” until it is properly, adequaltely, sufficiently and empathetically ACKNOWLEDGED.
    Take care:
    anita

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