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@roberta it baffles me that she does not support or encourage what makes her son happy. But, her (and potentially his) loss to not have me more in their life.
I love the phrase, “act from love and kindness” I will do that towards myself in this testing situation 🙂
@helcat that is exactly what I feel he should be saying. I am supposed to be his chosen family. I have cut off family members of my own for less than that. Toxic behaviour ,when you allow it from one person, seeps into your other relationships, speaking from experience.
To be honest it’s more the principle that he allows and enables toxic behaviour towards me that he KNOWS hurts me. It makes me worried about the future.
Outside of this, the relationship is pretty good. We have some smaller issues to work out (we’re both in therapy) but generally, it’s more good than anything else.October 24, 2022 at 2:18 am in reply to: My life is such a mess, I don’t know where to start #408962October 24, 2022 at 2:18 am in reply to: My life is such a mess, I don’t know where to start #408961
@anita – Thank you for sharing your story. I feel less alone and like a monster. I have actually been through DBT once before, although I didn’t engage properly and was using weed to regulate my feelings during. So I’m hoping to start it again in around 1 month.
I have a lot of struggles. I struggle with extreme abandonment issues. Even when I say goodbye to people I get anxious I won’t see them again, that they don’t like me, that I annoyed them. Huge fear of being alone. That’s probably the toughest battle I have right now if you have any advice.
I’m doing a little better anita. I met with my ex-partner and asked he give me another chance – that I know I relied on him to “fix” my mental health and I will be going to therapy to get better as soon as I can and I’m trying to do everything I can to get better. We are speaking again now although taking things slow.
@sarah – This is very true, my drug counsellor has said the same thing also that I need to put myself first. That’s interesting about the top 3 priorities. I think – physical health, making connections with people and being more independent and self-directed. Like I said above I have an extreme fear of abandonment to the point I will sacrifice myself to be what I perceive as “accepted” but in reality no one else is not accepting me. That article is really helpful, thank you. I have struggled with Chronic fatigue previously and I know it is from chronic stress. I need to address my mental health issues which are causing the stress so the fatigue doesn’t come back. Switching off social media helps because I compare myself constantly. Meditation, breathwork and yoga helps. Painting. Nature. Music. Animals (my cat Leo). Art. Books. Films or a good TV series. Simple pleasures like a nice cup of tea, a nice view,October 18, 2022 at 2:41 am in reply to: My life is such a mess, I don’t know where to start #408651
Thank you both for your kind words. I guess I am just overwhelmed. I have BPD which is hard to manage at the best of times and I have a lot of times where I feel truly hopeless.
@anita – thank you for your reply. I have shared what you describe above. Things have often been hard, I won’t lie. My boyfriend recently left me because he said he couldn’t support me any more and I have to support myself. I am in the process of going to therapy and cutting down on substances.
@iamone – your words have really helped. It is just a feeling. I will try and keep this acknowledgement with me.
Yes I am very afraid they will tempt me back into this type of lifestyle. I have tried to make it clear on several occasions I’m not interested in doing these types of things any more, but I don’t think it’s of much interest to them. They think it’s a “phase” I’m going through.
I do try and inspire them to improve, in the act of offering advice and guidance, but sometimes I feel like my kindness gets taken for weakness with these particular people. Hence why I perhaps questioning whether it is time to let go. Other than these wild nights where I feel like I don’t belong any more I seldom see them.
In response to “If you are upset that you are only giving and not getting, then they’re not truly your friends anyway, and so you should have no trouble letting go” I think this may be a little wishful thinking. In an ideal world it would be easy to let go of unhealthy relationships, but in reality we know it’s not quite as simple as that. I understand how you can come to the conclusion that “there is no problem” but it is not that way I see it at the moment, as explained in my previous point and it’s a little upsetting for someone to invalidate my problems so blunty. However, I completely appreciate this may not be the outcome you intended with your words.
I have an underactive thyroid also (diagnosed when I was 19) and the myriad of problems it occurs is astounding. In the UK (where I am) I get free medication for life because of the problems you can experience from it. I have been on antidepressant medication for 7 years (ever since my thyroid was diagnosed as underactive), anxiety medication occasionally, I have mood swings which are very frequent and intense, I struggle with weight gain, I get extremely tired very easily and all of this contributes to a feeling of unhappiness. I discovered that I am not alone in this when I joined a facebook forum for people with underactive thyroids. People I have spoken to on there have been on antidepressent medication for 20 years!
I’m on an appropriate amount of Levothyroxine, but honestly the symptoms never truly go away. I guess the point of what I’m trying to say is that some of what you may be feeling may be down to biological factors, and that you’re not alone. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing well. And know that every day you wake up is a success.
I see the advice given from others above is great, I just thought it might be helpful to share my thyroid knowledge! 🙂 I hope it helps.
I think that sounds like a good compromise. No need to throw daggers, but equally I think distance between myself and these people will actually do me good. As the Buddha said nothing is life is permanent 🙂
What I mean in that context is that before I used to not challenge things if I disagreed with certain things, or I was a people pleaser. For example there was night where said friend was flirting, sharing drinks and holding hands with a man. She has a boyfriend and I asked her how she would feel if her boyfriend did this to her and she didn’t care. I felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave, and she accused me of ruining the fun. Before, say a year ago, perhaps I would have just not said anything, despite feeling uncomfortable. My therapist thinks I have co-dependent tendencies and we worked on setting boundaries in relationships.
This is what they do not like.