Shelby,

yeah i agree with that. Sorry im waiting for his reply, then im ordering pizza and i’ll reply properly (aka acknowledge your posts) (:

– V

Hi there,

Sorry I haven’t seen the posts (Ill reply to them in a minute).

I’ve just got back from the shops where I filled the empty void with notebooks, cute new pjs and chocolate. I also bought a 2019 calendar my ex would like (just in case anything changes, idk I like shopping for others rather than myself and I was drawn to it).

The whole day I’ve been sat in lectures zoned out thinking about him after I realised that I had fallen out of love with him, hence why the experience has caused confusion and distress rather than relief.

I am aware I didn’t comunicate with him properly but that’s because he stopped talking to me about how he was feeling.

Thinking about it this has been a long time coming, last September I had booked a trip for us to go to Paris because I knew we were stuck in a rut, but then it fell through because he unfortunately lost his job.

Because there is a big age gap between us it means he will always have a higher wage and whilst I have been finding work when and where I can I have carried the guilt that I cant give him/us the life we deserve as it were. Im not saying you need to be rich to keep the love going but its going to wane if you are spending every weekend inside or never going out for meals. On top of that he’s in debt so I worried about that and I felt like when he did spend money and we went out it always seemed to be something to do with him so it felt like an obligation at times. All I wanted was him to spend £20 or less on a cute cinema date or save up for a weekend away, I saved up for Paris on my McDonalds minimum wage so I guess I kind of resented it. But he would make an effort when it came to birthdays and Christmas’s , I think it’s just after we didn’t go to Paris and when he got a job there was no mention of going as a surprise then I think I started to distance myself emotionally because I just thought what’s the point he never wanted to go anyway.

Then after I’ve slept with someone else (which made things worse as you can imagine) I was just emotionally spent so I broke it off.

Then as luck would have it he was planning a trip to Paris and an engagement ring!

I’ve just done a “have you fallen out of love” quiz and it says that i’m apparently holding on by a thread.

I find that some days I wake up and feel ok but a deep sadness, my biggest issue atm is that I feel physically sick and don’t have much of an appetite. I think its because I rocked the boat.

Anyway I’m going to send him an email explaining stuff and see where it leads. But I’m going to be strong and be factual rather than emotional.

Ill read through the thread and catch up

– V

You have coped though! Everything thats happened is in the past even if it was 20 minutes ago! Wipe your tears and grab a cocktail (: like you said hes an Asshole!

The only person who looks bad is him and therefore you’ll be laughing in the future when you realise he really didnt deserve you and you’re with a new guy who may be similar but better than him!

I cannot believe the nerve he had to send you that!

– V

Shelby,

“Do NOT underestimate the influence of PMS. I am a fairly logical, rational, understanding person but for a week a month, I turn into a clingy, emotional, wreck. It’s unfair because it’s outside our control and many people scoff at it.” – Well I am glad that I’m not the only one (: Some months im worse the week before (which would be this week coming) and other times im worst on the week it comes on, but its always shifting depending on how healthy or unhealthy I’ve been, if I’ve been healthy it comes on earlier in the month. But I wouldnt say ive been that good diet wise.

“It became 20mins in the day where my head could find some peace. I would recommend 1Giant Mind app- I followed the steps which the guy on the app explains so clearly and simply and it really does help now. At the moment, I have a lot of thoughts running through my head during meditation but as the app explains, that’s a process of releasing stress and I usually feel marginally better after.” – Thank you, I will give it a go (:

“I definitely think you should avail of counselling. Our thoughts and perspective can be scary when suffering from anxiety and it’s comforting to finally get someone who can explain what’s going on and that you’re not going off the rails! I like answers to questions, I like to understand things, do therapy helps me understand and I don’t feel as crazy as anxiety would sometimes have me believe.” – Ive just put it to the side until I could identify the key issues I need to work on so it will be a valuable 6 week course.

“Social media is a good way to connect in college so I get that it would be better not to delete accounts etc, but you can still talk to old friends without asking about him. And if all you have in common with them is him, then they’re not exactly the basis for nurturing friendships going forwards, but I hasten to add, I don’t know the whole story so I’m just giving my two cents! Feel free to ignore whatever you choose!” – no you have a valid point ultimately I was only friends with them because they were his mates, it was one aspect that got to me when our relationship hit rocky points I didnt have anyone to turn to who wasnt biased. Theres just one friend that I would class as also my friend, but they’ve been unwell themseleves so I’ve let them rest obviously but I also know he confides in her so therefore to have a bit of a clearer understanding about how hes feeling she can give me answers. Then again, Im not sure I want to know most of the time, just like right now where I have this bad gut feeling but its because Ive talked to him and allowed myself to worry if hes ok after going out last night (i have to remind myself that he survived without me lol)

“Studies is a good focus for this week and whenever he comes to mind, perhaps use my trick, which sometimes works absolutely say ‘not now’. It might just nip the thought in the bud before it grows and you can do back to studying.” – yeah I will be trying that (: thank you.

“As for me, I’m trying to behave tonight as if I haven’t been in contact with him and all is as it was, we’re still split up, there’s still no change and I must recover and move on. It’s not easy, boy is it not easy, but what choice do I have?” – haha thats good to hear, I think seeing your therapist tomorrow will help and you can go in and say your progress with him (:

Oh also theres a thread in the forum called “tough times” called “How to get your priorities in order..” which a girl called Bella who seems to be going through a similar situation in terms of missing her ex etc

– V

Hi Shelby, Kkasxo,

I’m at a weird place right now about the whole breakup, because I went on this site where he had updated his relationship status. The site in question is linked to a particular lifestyle choice I tried to be open about but just couldn’t seem to accept it without getting jealous or feeling insecure.

I know that I broke up with him, but all I really wanted was a break in the first place and after seeing him change his relationship status and update his profile I kind of retaliated and updated mine to but I had no reason to except due to boredom and I felt a twinge, like he changed it without telling me for it to affect me. I don’t think any of that made sense. What’s worse is now we aren’t together I feel like ironically I could be involved in that lifestyle change because to me it always sent the message “this is best if single” and “this person is better than you”.

Equally at the same time I felt rage because if he wasn’t involved in this lifestyle choice I don’t think we would be where we are today, instead I might still be in love with him or at least have the strong feeling that I believe it when I tell him I love him.

I feel so selfish.

@Kkasxo ,  “He’s clearly getting on with his life.. why is that not so simple for me?!” I have been feeling this so much the past few days, I feel like every activity I do something reminds me of him and I feel like hes getting on with things fine. But it could be because hes doing the same routine.

“Honestly, I really did underestimate heart break before this!” – same, but I couldnt stay in a relationship that had so much baggage, but then I love him and its for better or worse isnt it :/

“I really want to at least accept that this is the end and that there is no more hope for us” – im trying to do this but my brain keeps telling me reasons why I should contact and that even though I broke up with him my silly brain wants him to message me or something and give me a reason to change my mind.

I know we aren’t in the same position so I feel like a fraud saying that I can relate, but its strange I feel like the one who dumped him but almost his emotional distance is causing me to feel like he dumped me, idk.

I hope everyones afternoon was better, I’ve just got back from the library where I wrote notes but I don’t think I cared about any of them, just trying to distract myself.

-V

Hi,

I had a panic attack earlier and urgently messaged my ex to see if he was ok, I dont know why my brain was telling me he wasn’t.

I then went onto a site where he had changed his relationship status about me which I was prepared for, so I have been active on that site messaging others, I suppose showing that I can be active too. But now I feel petty and bad for messaging anyone. Especially as I can’t sleep, my head aches, my heart aches and I’m bored.

Again, sending hugs and luck for tomorrow!

Shelby,

ah yes! I saw her on Good Morning Britain or something like that, I will check her out at some point.

I agree, and its so easy to find a reason. I did the other day but when he replied I was like “hang on why did I want to speak to him again” turns out I just wanted some validation but it has made the urge to contact/try again worse.

That was lovely of your brother (: My own, hasn’t reached out or answered any of my calls 🙁 it really sucks when you don’t have your family’s support. The only person who’s contacted me is my mum but that doesn’t really help because I know deep down shes gloating, I need genuine interest and concern rn.

I know that the urge is only there because I’m tired so maybe I might go to bed. I’m waiting for my appetite to come back as I haven’t been eating the best diet which isn’t helping.

I’m currently aimlessly browsing at stuff on groupon and finding coupons. Its not very interesting but its stopping me messaging him.

– V