Hi boykismet,

My story is very similar to yours. I understand where you are at mentally, emotionally and physically. It is a horrible place to be and I am sorry that you are going through the pain.

What most people don’t understand about being HIV+ is that while it is no longer a death sentence, it IS a life sentence. And to be honest…there are days that I don’t feel like a life sentence is better than a death sentence. Like you, I am incredibly blessed and know that I could be much more worse off than I am now. But some days, that is not enough to keep me from being completely overwhelmed by my status.

If I could give you any kind of advice, it would be to create a new definition of what “whole again” means to you. Unfortunately, we can never go back to our pre-HIV+ days. We will never have that life again. Hopes, dreams and even rules that applied in our old lives are gone and we are left to build new ones. It is grueling and exhausting at times, but it can be done. If I could encourage you in anyway, it would be to find the empowerment in defining your new life and hope that it leads to excitement about the future you are building.

More than anything, I wish I could reassure you that yes, The Universe is teaching you a lesson and what the reason is for that lesson. But unfortunately, I cannot because only YOU can learn the lesson. Instead, I will reassure you that you are not alone and who you are right now at this very moment IS good enough. You don’t have to be more for anyone but yourself. You are a piece of The Divine and you are perfect they way you are.

Thank you for sharing and take care of yourself,
d

• This reply was modified 9 years ago by danaken.

Hi Vic,

Like you, I am not a liar and have always prided myself on not being one. My integrity is one of my most valuable traits/assets. People love my honesty and come to me for advice or when they’re in situations where they “can’t see the forest for the trees”. I don’t like to BS people because I don’t like to be BSd myself.

However, like you, that didn’t translate so well in my past relationships. As Matt so honestly pointed out, being vocally honest came off as being critical of my partner. And I was critical of him because I was very critical of myself. I thought that by being critical of everything, I was being “honest”…but I was just creating negative energy for myself and my relationship. I learned to let go of the mindless type of comments that Matt mentioned. My need to be critical is fueled by other self issues that belong in other posts. 🙂

I am working on my honesty because it also made me vulnerable in the dating “game”. I hate that it’s a game…the honest part of me wants to be able to be completely upfront all the time, but other people don’t work that way. Don’t think of yourself as boring. If you work on tempering your honesty so that you can say what you want to say without losing your integrity with yourself and yet aren’t offending others, you will meet women who appreciate you. They will like knowing where they stand with you, knowing that you’re not playing games and feel safe in a relationship. And if you think you’re “killing the mystery”, be the strong silent type. It will intrigue the right type of woman and she will want to know what you’re honestly thinking.

danaken

Hello & happy summer to you Big Blue!

What an excellent question you have posed!!! I’ve been mulling it over and can only speak for myself, but the 8 scenarios I listed below are when I think the sperm should recognize that there are other eggs in the ovary and quit chasing the one in question.

You know you should give up the chase when:
1. If you’ve met online and you’re getting to know one another, she sends back short replies that give you nothing to work with.
2. She friend-zones you by telling you that you’re such a nice guy and the woman that gets you is a lucky one.
3. If you’ve established a cadence of communication and it drastically changes.
4. You don’t receive a reply to a text, email or phone call within 24 hours…if she’s really into you but super busy, she’ll at least reply telling you she’s busy and let you know when she can reply properly.
5. She doesn’t show appreciation for niceties such as having a door opened for her.
6. She isn’t willing to reciprocate spending money on you…if you’ve bought dinner and the two of you decide to get coffee, if she’s really into you, she’ll want to buy.
7. She makes it unrealistically difficult to chase her by putting up walls. If you find that you are asking yourself, “What am I doing wrong??”, chances are it isn’t you…it’s her.
8. You are left wondering if she likes you after more than a month of consistent communication or dating.

To me, #s 4 & 5 are just common courtesies that either sex should extend to one another throughout a relationship. If they don’t, I consider their behavior just plain rude.

I hope this helps Big Blue…take care!

danaken