Victoria,

Though your anxiety is painful and challenging, there is a positive takeaway from your anxiety: you care. You appear to care immensely for the things you have or want in your life, which may be a helpful point to keep in mind.

As far as achievement is concerned, it sounds like you have achieved a lot (running business, sculpting body, planning family). If your business is struggling, that’s ok. You know plenty more about starting and running a business now compared to when your business was just an idea. Even if your business doesn’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you tried something and it didn’t work, and in the very least, that’s what I’m doing too: just trying something.

By setting goals for yourself, you risk disappointing yourself, which you feel you’ve done. From my perspective, you set goals for yourself, and you carried yourself further than you would have had you not set any goals and challenged yourself. If you get a free moment from your likely busy schedule, try reflecting on where you were six months ago or a year ago or five years ago and try accounting for how you have developed in the different facets of your life. Though you may not be where you want to be, you may have traveled further than you thought.

Let me know what you think if you like, and I hope my perspective helps.

Cheers

ann,

I have the same question as anita: why was your friend angry? I assume you enjoyed and had no problems with how your friendship was going. She wouldn’t have become upset enough in a short span of time to end your friendship, so she may have been holding onto small (normal) annoyances between you two for a long time that snowballed into an overwhelming anxiety. She may have also depended on you more than she realized and projected her fears onto you and your actions. If I understand you correctly, it sounds like she made a lot of topics revolve around her to begin with, which could reveal parts of her perspective on herself and your relationship.

If you feel comfortable answering and if it isn’t too blunt, did you make decisions solely based on what she decided?

abubin,

I can’t speak to what is right or wrong for you. What I believe is that if you are honest with yourself and choose to follow your honest feelings, you better prepare yourself to enjoy the time and relationships you have. If you want to pursue Debbie, give it a shot. If you want to support and encourage your children, go for it. Both things can be done to the extent you want if you spend the time and effort to make it happen.

My dad and I live half a country apart, so we scheduled a weekly time to have a phone call to try to keep in touch. It was a bit awkward and short at first, especially since we haven’t had a perfect relationship, but we both dedicated the time and effort to plan for it and make it happen. I took a few risks expressing deeply personal information about myself, and he listened and reciprocated. I didn’t know what would happen if I confided in him, but now I do and it has been worth it.

I agree with several of the above comments regarding the negative emotions you’re facing. They feel bad and likely won’t help you or motivate you to be who you want. But they are there, they are problems, and they have solutions. What may help is listening to them and trying to understand where they come from and why. Are there particular memories that continually pop into your head? This thread began with your inability to sleep because you couldn’t stop thinking about Debbie, and you’ve mentioned you are conditioned to waking up early to text with her. If you feel comfortable expressing it, what kind of pain do you feel in moments like these?

abubin,

In your last post, you referenced what Debbie has done: her actions and her words for example. I also read the link you posted regarding your relationship with Debbie. There are two sides to every story, but it sounds like you’ve sacrificed your own thoughts and feelings in an attempt to agree with and please Debbie.

What have you been doing for yourself and your own happiness? Do you have any hobbies or friendships you’ve been cultivating? Or do you have any activities that help you clear and organize your thoughts?

I’d like to know what you think, if you don’t mind.