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Swanky

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 48 total)
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  • #413952
    Swanky
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    how are you? It’s been a while. Thanks for all you do. So I am just seeing her for the first time this week and everything looks normal, although I think there might be some changes, but I maybe wrong though. She greeted me normal without the side hugs and we chatted a little with other colleagues. I kinda have a feeling she has her reservations about me but wouldn’t say, but ohh well it’s cool and I later did some deep reflection and found out the relationship looks one-sided. She never messages me on a personal note, except of course I message her and that’s a turn-off for me.

    So that singular attitude has aided me to move on asap. In fact when I saw her this morning, I didn’t feel awkward, I just chatted and teased her like I always do. Just not with the back hugs and kisses. I really would like someone who is emotionally available but she isn’t.

    #413722
    Swanky
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    If we are both mature about it, we can move on“- but what is the “it” that the two of you should be mature about: if she can really read your mind and you can read hers, then you would be having a mental honest and direct conversation and a chance to be mature and move on.

    So by “It” I mean, I know for a fact she has an impression that I maybe into girls, but is just pretending not to know. I have done a lot of things and said a lot of stuff that is more than the normal friendship. For instance, last week, I showed her, what name I use in storing her contact on my phone and put it as “Dani my Love”. So this new development maybe strange to her, which is why I said she might be awkward when next we meet and it just depends on how mature we both are. She is not the religious type, she is very open-minded which is why I like her, but still even open-minded may not be open to being approached by same-sex. So that’s why I think she might be awkward and if she is mature, we can always forget the flirting ever happened and move on.

    #413716
    Swanky
    Participant

    Hi Anita, thanks for the response thus far. We have been chatting back and forth extensively and I am starting to feel better that I am not alone in this.

    But I want to ask you, what’s the point of discussing with her about my feelings? Her response the other day shows she is straight, so talking to her won’t change it. It won’t ease the pain I am feeling at the moment. Hopefully things won’t get too difficult for me, cos I don’t think there are times she tries to be alone with me. I believe that’s only when such temptation can come up. As for her inviting me to her place, she hasn’t mentioned it since last year Dec, so I guess that won’t come up again, but if it does, I will dodge.  I guess the only fear I have at the moment is if she would start acting awkward towards me by next week, that’s why I earlier mentioned if we are both mature about it, we can move on. Will update you on her attitude towards me by next week if it has changed.

    #413712
    Swanky
    Participant

    That’s very true Anita and I need the amicable relationship because I may need her help at anytime. She has been quite helpful and has been an Amazing Boss, so I am not going to let these feelings make me Selfish. But also I definitely need this coming week to be able to accept things, because that’s the only way I can move on and stare at reality and to only see that she is nice and friendly with everyone. I can’t believe I am the one typing this, it’s so easy to type but hard to achieve. So I’d respond to the side hugs if she gives it, but I ain’t pecking or hugging her ever again. I don’t want to get vulnerable again.

    For the last part of your message, I don’t think I want to strike a conversation with her, except she brings it up and directly asks me, but of course we know most straight women wouldn’t.  I know for a fact that she has seen that my likeness maybe more as she is a very keen person. She has once told me she reads minds and understands human psychology. So Even when I get vulnerable, I will excuse myself politely like you said earlier and rinse my face with water to cool off.

    #413708
    Swanky
    Participant

    Hi Anita, having a side hug with her. Will just make me feel sad that I can’t have what I want. I intend to avoid her the few times I go to work though. I go the office twice a week, so I guess I can manage to avoid those hugs by not staying in the same office as she and perhaps not chatting with her online too often might reduce the familiarity as well.

    #413694
    Swanky
    Participant

    Yes they hug her back

    #413693
    Swanky
    Participant

    She opens a side hug for some employees but these employees are like her friends. As in they are mates. They are on the same managerial level. Their reaction after the hug is to sit and continue chatting or gisting. I have never seen her doing side or bear hugs with a subordinate in the office except outside the office though, maybe like at a function organized by the company and it’s mostly female subordinates. Just side hug and they part ways.

     

    #413691
    Swanky
    Participant

    Hi Anita, sometimes if she is already sitted in the office, she opens up her arms for a side hug?how to do I evade this? As I only want to be saying hello from afar now 🤧🤧

    #413676
    Swanky
    Participant

    if I am being too formal. She is going to notice there is something off about me?

    #413665
    Swanky
    Participant

    Yea cos I find it weird, she has never felt irritated by my bear hugs or kisses or whispering in the ears. Women are not 100% straight, they more probably just have the feeling, but don’t act on it due to a plethora of reasons. Oh well,I really need space from her and I wish I can take leave for one whole week, so I don’t have to bump into her, perhaps as time goes on, I will ease into seeing her as just my superior and nothing more.   She knows I am attracted to her already, I just hope she doesn’t feel awkward around me though. Hoping we can both be mature about it.

    #413652
    Swanky
    Participant

    To be honest I feel terrible Anita, cos the excitement to come to work because of this person is no longer there. Now I secretly wish they would alternate the days I go to work, so we can work on different days. I honestly never thought a time will come like this. Lol pls don’t feel sorry for me because I knew what I was getting into.

     

    Secondly I feel I maybe overthinking it though as I tend to overthink things a-lot, I kinda have the feeling she knows I was attracted to her and with the question about me offering my masseuse services, she might have just added 2 and 2 and got her answer, reason for her response. Well I guess I am just worried that things may become awkward for us and as such I may not be able to hug, peck her like I used too. I would definitely stop it though, since she probably has deciphered what my intentions are, so I don’t irritate her.

    #413638
    Swanky
    Participant

    Yea it’s good to know anyways that I wouldn’t be having any work place drama. Uhh!! Well by better things, I mean by drowning my self in work so I don’t have to ponder over my loss. That and I may reduce chatting with her too, hopefully she doesn’t notice. I just need space for now. Thank goodness we don’t go to work everyday, so that’s a huge advantage for me.

    #413632
    Swanky
    Participant

    Hi Anita, Trust you’re doing okay? Thank you so much for all the support thus far. So I just found out that she may not be into girls. So I was like goofing around as usual and offered to help her give her a massage since she works out everyday and I mentioned a male’s name, ok so in this case I will use “Brian”. So I said “If Brian isn’t helping out with the massage I can help” So she laughed and asked which Brian and that there was no Brian. So she went on further to ask if I was a Masseuse and replied No, but I can be a Masseuse for only her not anyone else, then she chuckled and said Brian will do the massage better.  Well at least I got the answer I have been looking for all along and I don’t have to overthink the situation anymore. Moving on to better things.

    #413398
    Swanky
    Participant

    I am doing fine Anita and you? It’s really not being easy being next to someone who makes you have butterflies in your stomach and you can’t tell them. Thanks for your advice and I appreciate you checking on me.

    if you don’t mind, I would like to have your WhatsApp number, just incase I want to rant or discuss matters with you. But it’s fine if you can’t give me your number. I appreciate.

    #413210
    Swanky
    Participant

    Hi Helcat,

    I have actually thought about that circulation or rumor thingy. I guess I will just have to pipe down with the flirting and PDA especially if her close friends who are also colleagues are there, cos I feel like these are the Judas’s that can sell you out because they are jealous of the chemistry she and I have.

    yes I also thought of the rejection aspect. If she rejects me, there might be a sort of awkwardness between both of us. She may not be as free as she used to be before and I may not be as free with her as well because I may feel inferior.

    For the last part of your question. We have no control about whom we love or are attracted to. It just happened and I can’t get over it. I often times obsess over her at work, if she doesn’t coke to the office, I don’t feel motivated to keep doing the work. I am always at my best when she smiles at her.

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 48 total)